Saturday, July 21, 2012

On Hamsters (Seriously?)

Oh no! More Hamsters? Really?
In an attempt to somehow get my head around what is apparently my most widely read post, I have decided to revisit the whole "hamster" topic. The popularity of this particular post is something which boggles my mind. Using a totally non-scientific approach to understanding what is going on here, the WSO and I formed a "fact finding" committee of two (me and her). Our committee meetings typically take place over the phone when we've run out of other things to talk about.

The post in question is Uncle Smitty's Hamsters which was posted on 04 May 2012. Let me put the numbers up so you can see this international phenomenon in the making.

For the week of 14 to 21 July I show the following page views:

As you can see, Uncle Smitty's Hamsters tops the chart with 26 page views. The all time stats? See for yourself:

Again, this post tops the chart at 284 page views. Way more than the second most popular, The First Step, which was my very first post and which was probably read mostly by my fellow Lexicans.

The WSO and I have competing theories as to the popularity of this post. Her theory is simple and to the point, "Dad, people are Googling 'hamster sex' and your post shows up in the list. It's that simple. People are weird and for some, the idea of hamsters having carnal relations is a big turn on."

My "most likely" theory is that hamsters are popular as pets. People are searching on line to discover hamster emporiums and when they see the listing for Uncle Smitty's Hamsters, they think that perhaps it's a pet store (run by a fellow named Uncle Smitty) which specializes in hamsters.

When these folks arrive at my blog, this is probably what they say:

"What the heck is this? This isn't a website for a hamster emporium. This is just some goofball old guy's blog. Harriet, get me the phone book. I told you that going online was a stupid idea. Uncle Smitty indeed, what a bunch of crap."

Or something like that.

Of course, I'd like to believe that the post is witty and absolutely hysterical. People read it (however they got there in the first place) and then tell their friends, "Hey, you've got to read this. This guy is funny. Ha ha ha. Uncle Smitty's Hamsters, what a laugh-riot."

The WSO tells me to sit down and take a deep breath every time I put forward this particular theory. Then she tells me, "Yeah Dad. You're a funny guy. But you're not that funny. Otherwise you'd be getting lots of hits on some of your other posts. Not just this one. I tell ya, it's all about hamster sex. There's gotta be a huge audience out there. You need to ride that wave. Start putting the word "hamster" in all of your post titles. Better yet, change your online name to Old AF Hamster. The blog title should be "Chant d'Hamster" you'd get tons of page views. Statistically speaking you'd be amongst the widest read blogs on the planet."

Uh, right. I'm sure that's it.

But that's all I've got today. Thought I'd go for a lighter tone than the past couple of posts. I was being a bit of a "gloomy Gus" as my grandma used to put it. So the sun is shining and I'm feeling light hearted today. So it's all fun and games here at Chez Sarge so...

Ah crap.

I just remembered I have to cut the grass.



So much for the positive vibes. See you next time. And remember:

There's strong. And then there's hamster strong...


  1. Heh. If forced to choose between the two arguments I'd come down on the WSO's side. Just sayin'.

    You should get SiteMeter. It's free (there's also a cheap pay version, which I use) and has better stats than Blogger, including MUCH more detail on individual visits. You'd be surprised what people google and how they get to stuff you post. SiteMeter gives you the googled phrase or phrases and that will raise the hair on the back o' yer neck, in some cases.

    1. Yeah, I tend to agree with the WSO. I'll check out SiteMeter. Thanks for the tip!

  2. I like the WSO's ideas...because they are, on their own, hilarious.

    1. I'm starting to see a trend here. The WSO is much better looking than me (she takes after her Mom), she's way smarter than me (again, from Mom) but now dammit, she's going too far. I'm starting to think she's also funnier than me! I guess it's the changing of the guard. I keep offering her the keys to this here blog but with flying and a 2-year old to keep track of, I guess she's got enough on her plate as it is. Of course, she does give me a lot of ideas for stuff to post about. So she's kind of the "power behind the throne". Or something like that.

  3. If WSO is right about hamster sex, it's not about hamsters having it, but maybe I'm confusing it with gerbils. Seeing how this is a family friendly blog, I'll leave it at that.

    1. I'm always confusing gerbils, hamsters and guinea pigs. Perhaps I'm not very rodent-friendly. Probably a good tactical move to "leave it at that." My mind is way too ready to dive into the gutter at the slightest chance. Thanks for restraining yourself Tuna. Things could get ugly otherwise! (Down Master Sergeant, down! That's a good boy...)


Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)