Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Cats

(Source)
Jumbo, Felix One. I have movement at my two o'clock.

Copy Felix One, monitor, do not engage at this time.

Felix Two, Jumbo. Mount up, grid coordinates fife-niner-two-three-niner-six-fife-one.

Two.

Jumbo, Felix One. Contact is hostile, I repeat, hostile. Engaging now!

As I sat on the couch, perusing a sporting event on the television, I heard mad scrambling from the stairs leading down into the basement. Coming to a higher alert state I sat up straight and spied a small gray creature wriggling out from under the basement door. With a look of panic upon his small visage, he turned in my direction and came towards me in full grunt. As I sat there, flabbergasted that this tiny rodent would have the temerity to charge me, I then understood what all the commotion was about and why the wee beastie would challenge me in my own lair.

Through the cat door came Sasha, fangs bared, hair on fire, and ready to rumble. She was in hot pursuit of this tiny gray animal and had every intention of destroying it. After first, no doubt, making the wee mouse regret ever having been born. (There is nothing quite as cruel as a cat with time on its "hands" and nothing better to do than torment something.)

The mouse veered off at the last minute, Sasha bent to her right and pulled Gs as she tried to turn inside that mouse. But the angles were all wrong and the mouse managed to find sanctuary in the radiator in the living room.

Crap...

Felix One, Jumbo. Do you still have contact on the hostile?

One, Negative. Hostile has gone to ground, repeat, hostile has gone to ground.

Jumbo, Felix Two. On station, Felix One in sight.

Copy Two, stand by.

Two.

Sasha slid to a stop where the mouse had disappeared. She was as alert as only a cat with the scent of prey in her nostrils can be. Her sister, Anya, had ambled into the room to see what all the fuss was about, with one glare from Sasha, Anya sat down, well back from her sister. For those who don't know, Sasha is the Alpha. No one challenges her. Not even the humans, well except The Missus Herself, she is "Alpha Actual" at Chez Sarge. All I do is "pick things up and put them down."

With said Alpha Actual away for the day, it devolved upon me to take command of the situation and provide support to the hunters. I was kinda the on call air support, if you will.

Jumbo, Felix Two. I'm going in...

NEGATIVE TWO! HOLD POSITION, I SAY AGAIN, HOLD POSITION!!

As Anya's curiosity overcame her better instincts, she just had to get closer. Sasha turned and hissed at her sister. With that, the mouse broke cover and scrambled for the kitchen.

Crap...

MOVEMENT! I'VE GOT MOVEMENT, TWO YOU SEE THAT?

Two.

The mouse sprints to the kitchen and into the radiator there. Two cats in hot pursuit. Human close behind, ready to provide support. Mouse comes out of hiding, Sasha feints, mouse back into hiding. Checking the clock, I note that Alpha Actual should be home soon. There is no way she will appreciate the "mouse in the house." I know it sounds kinda cute but this ain't Mickey Mouse, this is an actual rodent.

So while the cats keep an eye on the mouse's last known location. I go get "The Equalizer." It's a broom. With the brush end I can swat the mouse to death should it break cover. With the other end I can poke it to death if it's in concealment, rather than cover. (Cover hides you and protects you. Concealment merely makes it hard to spot you.)

Jumbo, Felix One. Hostile's position is just inside the tree line at the northwest corner of the AO.

Roger One, Jumbo has eyes on the target. Rolling in hot.

Jumbo, all friendlies stay clear, deploying the broom handle at this time.

One.

Two.

The mouse was wedged into the very corner of the radiator at the northwestern side of the kitchen. The hole where the pipe entered the radiator from the basement was not big enough for the mouse to escape through. It would try to move down the radiator to the other end but Sasha kept poking her paw in there. The poor wee beastie was cornered. Nowhere to go.

Jab. Bang. It's over...

Jumbo, that's a hit, confirmed kill, no need for another pass. Hostile is down, repeat, hostile is down.

Jumbo is RTB at this time.

One.

Two.

Just after I had sent the mouse to the great beyond, The Missus Herself comes into the kitchen from the deck. Everything in the kitchen which could be moved, was moved. Nothing was left to hide that mouse except the radiator. Both cats were sitting there, still staring at the radiator, and I was kneeling nearby with broom in hand.

"What is that red stuff on the end of the broom?" The Missus Herself inquired.

"Blood."

"WHAT?"

"Honey, there is a dead mouse in the radiator. I'm going to dispose of the body now. You might want to go into the other room for a few minutes."

"But why is there a dead mouse in the... Oh." With that Alpha Actual departed the AO and I fished the expired rodent out of the radiator. Disposing of the wee corpse in the small woodlot adjacent to our abode. Returning to the manse, I cleaned off the broom and put it away.

Sasha was slightly peeved that she no longer had a mouse to "play" with. Anya, who isn't much of a hunter, truth be told, had already wandered off, show was over, nothing to see here. Move along.

Things do get exciting in small town New England from time to time.
And yes, I have other mouse stories, none of them end well for the mice.



24 comments:

  1. I don't know what it is,but, we've lived out here for 16 years. Haven't seen mouse one. This past year they're everywhere. Our house, the guest house. My sisters' place the barn. Everywhere. Even folks in town complain about them. I sometimes wonder if Moses isn't about to visit, or something .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We haven't seen any for a while. Sasha once killed three in the basement over night. Fortunately, she laid them out near the bottom of the stairs for our inspection. Fortunately, I found them first.

      The mouse in the kitchen was the last one I've seen, doesn't mean they're not there, just haven't seen them.

      Perhaps they all packed their bags and, like Davy Crockett, went to Texas, Specifically Rancho Juvat.

      Delete
    2. I have noticed the outside cats are looking decidedly well fed, and the kibble ration hasn't been increased.

      Delete
  2. Think just how much fun it would have been if you had used "not this" !

    Some people don't like cats because unlike dogs, cats have an attitude because know they're the boss and
    you're there just to be their servant. Personally I can't imagine life without our cats. I'm really missing
    our Dood and Linus is still wandering around looking for him and trying to figure out where he's hiding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, "not this" would have been a blast. I doubt that Alpha Actual would agree though.

      I like the attitude of cats, I really do.

      Delete
  3. I only wish the feline was a little more selective with his targets.
    Surface varmints are fair game.
    Im disappointed that he considers avian species fair game, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Concur. Our cats are strictly indoor cats, but if they were the outdoorsy type, I'm sure Sasha would be engaging aerial targets as well.

      It's what they do.

      Delete
  4. Outstanding post, I laughed and was excited at the same time. Those little rodents in the house do get your hair standing on end. Don't mind them in the outdoors, but not in the house. Only time I think about wanting a cat is when I see one.

    Damn fun post, loved the air-force jargon...brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am not sure I understand the part about the mouse hiding in the northwest corner of an oiler. If you have an oiler plowing through your house, mice are the least of your worries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, no surface ship jargon was used in the post. A quick trip to the acronym page indicates that "AO" in this context stands for "Area of Operations."

      But were surface ship jargon in play here, yeah, having an oiler steaming through the kitchen would be problematic.

      And if it was an oiler, I would have said that the mouse was perhaps starboard-side aft, or near the starboard quarter of the ship. Depending of course on where the mouse may have been holed up on the vessel in question.

      And to summarize...

      Hahaha!

      Good one Scott. :)

      Delete
  6. I'm sure there's room for a mouse gun or "what caliber for ..." joke but I'll spare you.

    ReplyDelete





































  7. Just curious. Does Alpha Actual ever read your blog?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very nice, humorous post. Sorry to be late for the dance, but we had a wee bit of the white stuff ( about 8" ) and lost power just before midnight. Didn't get power fully restored until mid-afternoonish, although there was a tease of about 40 minutes around 0900. Ah well, all's well that ends well. Assuming that the power stays on, of course.

    Paul L. Quandt

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had heard that your region had some of the white stuff. Losing power in the winter is never fun.

      Thanks for checking in Paul!

      Delete
  9. I actually shot a mouse in the house one time. Little barstid had figured out how to spring the traps to steal the cheese. A little wood putty fixed the hole in the wall.

    Here's what you need for proper rodent control... https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/5hwy51/cat_stalks_a_mouse/?st=iwqzn1k1&sh=ec71eb1e

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What caliber?

      Ah yes, the ubiquitous attack chicken.

      Hahaha!

      Delete
    2. .22 short. He was quite vertically challenged was that mouse.

      Delete
  10. So, you could have used a broom handle mouser?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bwahahahahaha!

      Brilliant. Everyone can go home, John has won the Internets today.

      Delete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)