Friday, January 13, 2017
Friday the 13th, After A Full Moon
So I am sitting in my office, minding my own business, well okay, I'm minding my employer's business, when my cellphone rings. (Actually it makes this odd chiming, chirping sound which the sound settings calls "Paper Guitar." As I've never played a paper guitar I can't vouch for the accuracy of the name. But it's not annoying, so I've got that going for me...)
"Hi WSO." No, I use her real name, LUSH, no, no, no, not her call sign, her real name. Which I will not divulge here because I forgot it. No, no, no, for security reasons, I won't divulge her real name for security reasons. Not because I forgot it. (Bit of foreshadowing there, if you pay attention down the road...)
On the other end of the line is the youngest of my nuclear family, The WSO. As you may have already guessed. Well, I did give it away didn't I?
"Hi Dad, what's up?" Which is how she starts every call she initiates with me.
"Uh, you called me..." Which is how I always respond.
I inform her that I am at work, she informs me that she is on her way to work. Which is a pretty standard opening topic for nearly all of our conversations. Though sometimes it goes like this -
"Hi Dad, where's Mom?"
"She's not here at work with me."
"Ha. Ha. Ha. Seriously Dad, where's Mom?"
"Well, she was at home when I left for work this morning... Hold on a second..."
"What are you doing Dad?"
"Checking the office one more time to make sure she's not here."
And it will continue like that for a few more seconds until we both tire of that. I should explain here the very sophisticated procedures the kids use in their communications with home base. First of all, The Naviguesser seldom calls. He's a guy, guys only use the phone to relay important information. "Hi Mom and Dad, I'm still alive," is not considered to be important information, that's the default situation. As I explained to my own mother once upon a time, "Ma, if anything happens to me, someone will call. If no one calls, that means I'm okay." No, The Naviguesser's mom doesn't like that. Neither does my mother. But I digress.
The Nuke and The WSO have a very strict calling protocol. First they will call their mother. If their mother doesn't answer, they will try again later. Sometimes, if they are really bored, they will call me, the father of this happy band.
"Dad, where's Mom?" Is invariably how those conversations start.
So I'm on the phone with The WSO out in California, as she has deigned to talk to me as Mom's location is unbeknownst to either of us. (For the worriers out there, The Missus Herself, who also answers to "Mom" was in the shower. So she didn't answer the phone, which was in the bedroom, not in the salle de bain. Which sounds so much classier than "bathroom," dontcha think?)
After a few minutes, I remark to The WSO that I need to get off the phone and get ready to go to a lunch time meeting. (Normally I don't go to such affairs, only if food is provided, which it was on Thursday. Once a month they sucker me in with free stuff. Although as we all know, nothing is free. Certainly not lunch...) That's when the following conversation takes place -
"So I've got to head off to that meeting kiddo."
"Oh yeah, you're ahead of us there in Little Rhody..."
"Yes <insert The Nuke's real name here>, I am talking to you from the future."
"Hahaha! Wait a minute, did you just call me <insert The Nuke's real name here>?"
"Yes, I did. That's your name in the future."
"You're an idiot."
"So your mother tells me."
"Hahaha! Bye Dad."
Yup, the day of the full moon it was.