Monday, April 16, 2018

A new Study in Thermodynamics

A new study conducted by Jerome Ulysses Virgil Andrew Thomas at the prestigious research facility known as Ranco Juvat Saturday evening.

Meticulously controlling for outside variables, a stainless steel pan containing chicken, artichoke hearts, onions, white wine,  lemon juice and assorted herbs and spices was heated to 420 decrees F and kept there for 30 minutes, 'til said ingredients were "done".

Said pan was then removed to the stovetop to cool while fettuccine was plated.  When that step was completed, our noble researcher grabbed the handle of the pan with his left hand to begin the final plating of the meal.

At that "Ah HA!" ( or some other exclamation) moment, our noble researcher discovered that stainless steel is an excellent retainer of heat, while at the same time it also conducts said heat to said hand expeditiously.  He also discovered that, while the pan had undoubtedly cooled somewhat. it had not cooled enough to avoid second degree burns on the palm and fingers.

Giddy with the scientific breakthrough, our researcher, and his observer, raced off to share news of the experiment with other members of the scientific community. Thankfully, his opportunity to present his finding was quickly arraigned and suitable study of the effect was performed.

Our brilliant researcher was toasted with a Cocktail administered through a tube, at which point he decided to take a nap.

When the festivities broke up around 11, our researcher, being overwhelmed by the adulation afforded him, elected to let his beloved observer drive him back to the research center.

During said excursion, she was pulled over by a deputy sheriff, for not giving enough clearance to one of his brother officers at  traffic stop. Using prudence in approaching our vehicle, he came up on our researcher's side of the vehicle. upon seeing signs of recognition our researcher had received for his brilliance, he took pity on the observer and let the intrepid duo continue on their way with a warning.

Three observations.
 1) Mother Bear,  burns hurt!
2) Morphine produces STRANGE dreams.
3) Typing one handed is a PITA! My apologies for all spelling capitalization and punctuation errors.
Dr. Mushka examines the patient

It's just  a  flesh wound!

So my planned post will have to wait, or as Suldog says "Soon, with more better stuff."

49 comments:

  1. Excellent step-by-step rendition of a dangerous procedure, the research community will appreciate such detail. Hopefully this procedure will have additional steps added of a safety nature (excuse my scientific terms... potholders/oven mitts). Jeeeees..... watch yourself Sarge.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, I know. Potholders were in easy reach and in fact had been used to remove the pan from the oven. Habits die hard and I usually use that pan to saute' where the handle doesn't get hot. So, in the interest of science, it only takes about 1 second loss of concentration to incur second degree burns.

      Delete
  2. Your three observations: all true, been there, done that.

    So you injured your throttle paw. Now I guess we'll need to have a "Safety Day." Mandatory briefings in the base theater, a full-blown safety stand-down.

    Sigh...

    Tell me that you were at least wearing your reflective belt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, Yes I was, along with my hard head... wait I mean hat, and seat belt.

      Delete
  3. Ouch!! Just Ouch!!! Hope you're on the mend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It looks much better this morning. Thanks.

      Delete
  4. Well, I guess that we have to take a certain amount of pity on you. After all, you were just, as my NFO son would say, a nose gunner. But you should have been taught the first rule, which simply states that "You MUST be smarter than the equipment you are attempting to operate." I'm sure that after the required safety stand down that lesson will be implanted and will last. at least until the next time. Seriously, in the words of Bubba, I feel your pain. Burns hurt like the dickens, and as my old Marine Gunny used to tell us, self inflicted wounds hurt the most.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "...required safety stand down that lesson will be implanted and will last"
      One hopes, one certainly hopes.

      Delete
  5. i feel your pain for it is something we 'chefs' have all done from time to time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well hopefully I got this participation trophy and dont get a second one.

      Delete
  6. Juvat, I hope your hand gets better quickly. Having learned the same lesson in the same manner in the past, I always put one of these on the handle of any pan I take out of the oven. http://a.co/euIgsmL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yep, Mrs J has mandated the purchase of something along those lines.

      Delete
  7. I agree with Dave - burns hurt bad! I can't imagine the pain of wide spread burns - small local ones are bad enough. Hope you heal quickly!

    The silicone skillet handle covers also work well, better than the traditional ones that are like pot holders.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. there was an article on Fox yesterday of a woman that had been burned over 80% of her body testifying in the murder trial of the creature who set her on fire. she lived for 2 years I can't imagine the suffering. put me on that jury!

      Delete
  8. Aside from the pain, the inconvenience will bother you for several days. Past experience says the inconvenience is the worst part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. well yes, the inability to type is annoying. but will reinforce the lesson.

      Delete
  9. I wish I had a nickel for each time I came in contact with an extremely hot surface during my restaurant career.
    Most of the time it was only in passing in and out of the ovens, but still....
    And there’s the hassle of explaining to folks how you got that nasty looking burn.
    Co-workers were the biggest hazard.

    Two people on one oven is a recipe for disaster.
    Morphine can be your friend, barring frequent visits,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm thinking about a sign that says "hot frying pan for sale" to hang around my neck.

      Mrs J and I have pretty well worked out our small kitchen dance, but there is still an occasional bump and spill hazard.

      Delete
  10. Hate it when that happens. Glad you're on the mend. Can't recall the last time I fried myself to a crackly crunch, hope my luck holds out.

    We recently acquired one of these--

    https://www.amazon.com/Weber-46110001-Spirit-Liquid-Propane/dp/B0098HR0PY

    --which, OF COURSE seems to have been dis-continued. It is delightfully compact as the side shelves fold down, and the four castor wheels make it a snap to drive around the patio. Last night was the first time I cooked up one of our favorites on this rig--burgers and hot dogs. What prompts me to write this is how well this bbq handles grease run off. Instead of the usual conflagration when the burgers are flipped, just a few minor flare-ups. Still have my eyebrows.

    Inspired by a recent stop at a local burger joint, we tried something new. Start your burger with Heinz 57, some bleu cheese crumbles, and bacon. Proceed from there as you like. Yum!

    Some day I'm going to have a tee shirt made based on 'The Simpsons'. It will have an aerial view of a mushroom cloud arising from a neighborhood back yard. It will read "Honor Graduate--Homer Simpson School of Barbeque".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you add the H57, cheese and bacon before or after cooking? Either way sounds pretty good BTW.

      Re: T-shirt. Make two. I'll need one.

      Delete
    2. We added everything after, but at my wife's suggestion, we're keen to try putting cheese on right after they come off the grill. As for the T-shirt, you got it.

      Delete
  11. It'll feel better when it stops hurting . . .

    ReplyDelete
  12. The cat seems undisturbed by it all...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He, and his identical twin brother, are pretty unflappable, except when they engage in Banzai attacks off the headboard at night.

      Delete
  13. Hate burns, all burns. Cancer and Burns are my main ways I do not want to leave this Earth.

    And, yeah, I do occasionally the same stupid trick. Oh, pan's in the wAAAAAAYYYYYOOOOUUUUUCCCCHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! But so far, it has all been small 1st and 2nd degree burns, except for the time my brother attacked me with a hot spatula full of bacon grease.

    Worse ever burn I've self-inflicted was a water-sugar explosion that ran down my leg. I turned off eye and ran for the pool. Missing hair, missing dignity, no missing skin upon entry of pool but, oh my God, does liquid sugar stick like napalm, tasty tasty napalm. Walked kinda funny for a week or so until the blisters all died off.

    Next time remember your checklist. It is like landing. Descent, wheels down, touchdown. Not Descent, touchdown, Oh Fudge...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I saw that Lowes has some firehose-looking stuff you can put on the front of your oven racks to keep you from burns from accidentally bumping said racks. Price was relatively decent, looked at it and said, "Only dufuses (dufii?) need something stupid like that." And immediately went home and branded myself with the friggin oven racks. The stupid, it burns. On my list for next Lowes order (I know, can get from Amazon, but I do try to buy somewhat locally, just for the excuse to wander around the 'Tools-R-Us' section and dream about the workshop I would never use but could have if I won Publisher's Clearinghouse.)

      Safety Third, or First, can't remember...

      Delete
    2. That was my problem, the muscle memory was descend gear down land, cooking its saute pan on burner, handle cool...except when it's not. glad your experiment with napalm wasn't more serious.

      Delete
    3. yes, went to the local lowes in the nxt closest town (which would have been an inter-state trip in Sarge's neck of the woods) for a pair of bolts totalling $2.17, just to peruse the Tool's R us section. lovely day it twas.

      Delete
    4. Oh, that wasn't the time I experimented with napalm.

      Do you know, if you put about a half gallon of gasoline in a 55 gallon drum, put some water in, too, lay it on it's side, remove both bung holes, and toss a match in, that, yes, you can make a good imitation of a pulse jet? Or kill yourself? About a 50-50 chance.

      "Vboo-vboo-vboo-vboo-vboo-vbooo-vboooo-vbooooo-vboooo-vboooo-vbooo," said the barrel, as it scooted across the yard while shooting out 5' long flames alternating from one hole to another... "Run for your lives," said the fore-brain. "Ooooooh, flames pretty, hur-hur," said the lizard brain. "Interesting example of a pulse jet," said the analytical brain. "Ow, leather belt sure hurts!" said the butt-brain...

      The scientific committee-brain decided to not attempt a re-test just in case the one test was a fluke. Though one determination was made, by the committee: Very important to line the holes up vertically, with the edge hole on top. Else you go from V-1 launching to V-1 landing, if you catch my drift.

      I was, um, less-than-wise in some of my choices as a young man.

      But I survived it with all important parts still attached, and working! Goal!

      Delete
  14. Rest, apply medicinal brandy ( or other medicinal beverages of your choice ) as needed or desired. Get well soon.

    Thanks for the post.
    Paul L. Quandt

    ReplyDelete
  15. Find an appropriately stable large steel anvil. Lay your hand palm down on said anvil. Then, acquire a suitable large, dead-blow hammer (Snap-On Tools makes a good one). Now, with a steady firm grip on the handle, begin massaging the wounded appendage with a repetitious vertical up and down arm stroke with the dead blow in hand. Repeat as many times as necessary until the pain dissipates and/or you pass out. The negative re-enforcement of this procedure will induce in your mind the muscle memory required to access the nearest oven mitts to prevent any further self-inflicted thermal distress to your person. You have been warned........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting technique. But, lesson learned....I hope.

      Delete
  16. When I was around 12, I conducted this same experiment with similar results. I experimented with an old iron pan that had accidentally been left on an active burner. As a corollary to your experiment I will note that when an iron handle is pulsating a red color the hand can not hold on for more that one second, but that is enough to cause significant blistering.

    In my defense, I was 12.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well...aren't all guys of our generation actually just boys of 12? I know MY wife thinks so anyhow.

      Delete
  17. Since it was your left hand, I could make some snarky remark about it not affecting your sex life, but I truly do sympathize with you in your pain. I get distracted by shiny objects so often, it's a miracle I'm not in traction. Get well soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, well...... Thanks. given my history, the downsides are probably much worse. So I appreciate you sympathy.

      Delete
  18. Oh dang! Sorry to hear that. Get well soon!

    ReplyDelete
  19. While summering in Maine a couple of years ago I learned a new way to prepare bacon. One puts it in a baking sheet pan and pops it in a 400 degree oven until done and then withdraws said pan and bacon from the oven. Of course, the first time one does it one forgets that liquid fat at 400 degrees sloshes in rhythm with the motion of withdrawal and reverse direction back to the stove top. I coated my entire left arm below the elbow in boiling grease. It was quite the scene but they didn't give me any morphine. They decided that I should learn through suffering.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh MY!. That was not particularly charitable of them, now was it? Shit hurts, don't it?

      Delete
  20. I wish I didn't have any lessons to contribute, but I do, Several. Latest was 2nd degree from sloshing too hot and too much oil in the wok in an effort to cool down the excessive amount of oil. and Ill add; the Green Egg bbque cooker emits a huge blast of extremely hot air when the lower door is opened (I've been close to an M-1A Abrams exhaust and the products are similar. Hope you heal quickly.

    ReplyDelete
  21. That's kind of cool that you included the cat to give a sense of scale.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Badgers keep their paws safe in Kevlar hot gloves when doing that sort of thing. Badgers learn from the mistakes of others. Be more like Badgers.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh, OWIE!! (Love the Catattude!)

    ReplyDelete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)