Friday, May 18, 2018

Headlights...

What did you think I meant?
(Source)
On the way out of work on Wednesday, I noticed summat a bit odd, whilst looking at the reflection of my vehicle's headlights in the car in front of me, (something I do) I noticed that Big Girl seemed to be winking at me.

Yup, portside headlight was inop in LBM, low beam mode. High beams, HELLO. Low beams, WINK. Damn.

As the place I used to procure headlight bulbs for my 2005 Honda Element is no longer in business, I now have to travel further afield to an actual auto parts store. Okay, so it's an extra two miles, big deal. But ya know, reasons.

I did contact the place to make sure they actually had them in stock, no sense driving there to hear, "Well, we have shipment of those coming in Shrove Tuesday..." But they claim to have "a bunch of those." No, I didn't ask them to define a "bunch," in my own lexicon that's more than a few and less than a metric crap ton. An ephemeral quantity but two or more is fine by me, I just need two.

It's an easy thing to fix, one of the few maintenance tasks I will perform on the vehicle. Now if she had an AN/APQ-109A onboard I might be tempted to tweak that. I'm betting Advanced Auto Parts doesn't have the requisite spares for that rig. More's the pity.

Anyhoo, so I need to purchase parts, then install the parts. A very quick and very dirty job. No doubt, I'll spend the remainder of the evening washing my hands. Or, as they say in Oklahoma, "warshing" my hands. (No, seriously Russ, my old sarge on Okinawa said "warsh," not "wash." Don't deny it Russ.)

That's why you get a short post and not some long rambling thing about guys from Chicago spilling from the hatches of wrecked tanks. (Insiders might get that, maybe not. Spill is a guy I know in Chi-Town who, well he's a pilot as well, spills things. Hhmm, not sure if I've told that story. Spill is the callsign he received at a Lexican gathering.)

Speaking of callsigns, Beans it is. Now I just need to revamp the mast head.

I have spoken...





50 comments:

  1. Left low beam headlight on my Bride's 2013 Ford Fusion went out. Typically a simple job, so I, too, call Advance Auto Parts to insure the store has the necessary bulb in stock. They do. "Can you install it for me?" "Nope..." hmmmmm..... Pulled up the YouTube web site...Because there is a video on how to do literally EVERYthing on YouTube.... "Step one: Remove the front bumper." WHAAAAA????? Seriously???? "Yup", says my trusted mechanic who got my next call. AND, of course, removing the entire front bumper requires removing numerous shrouds and covering thingies... What mental giant thought it was entirely reasonable to design a car that requires you to remove the front bumper in order to gain access to a headlight????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm guessing the designer used to develop kit for the military.

      Really, pull the front bumper? The exact opposite of brilliant.

      Delete
    2. My neighbor asked if I could change the burned out bulb on a Subaru Outback. (exact year escapes me)
      No access whatsoever from under the hood, and the usual suggested technique starts with, "remove the front tire and the plastic lining of the fender well..."
      I closed the hood and advised him to seek help elsewhere. Being neighborly only goes so far.
      Neither of our 2010 Subaru, nor the 2107 Subaru has that problem. (yes I checked!)




      Delete
    3. I love it when the person designing this crap gives no thought whatsoever to maintenance. Let him/her design it, build a prototype, then make the designer work on it.

      Betcha they change the design.

      Delete
    4. John, I am glad that your Subaru does not have that problem, and also that their selling models for 100 years in the future. Or your fingers are dyslexic.

      My old Datsun was easy. 4 screws and 1 clip. Of course, it seemed like everything on that car was 4 screws and one clip. Alternator, 4 screws, 1 clip. Water pump? I found the screws, gotta be a clip. I miss cars I could actually work on.

      Delete
    5. 2005 Honda Element: First, pop the hood. Then, starboard side - pull plug straight back, use tab to remove rubber cover, unclip by pressing down and releasing, remove bulb. Insert new bulb (like WSF said, don't touch the glass), press clip back in (a little dicey but doable), replace rubber thingy, plug back into the aft end of the headlamp. Port side - first remove air intake extension (yes, you will either crush a finger against the frame of the vehicle or rip the skin off on the battery bracket), once the air intake extension is removed (and any bleeding staunched) repeat what you did on the other side. Last step, reattach air intake extension, yes, you will wonder just how the Hell you got it off in the first place. Re-bandage hand, check that both lights work, close the hood.

      Delete
    6. But if it was truly dyslexia, wouldn't I think I had slydexia?
      Must proof read better.

      Delete
    7. I'm betting that the 2107 Subaru will be very well designed.

      Just sayin'...

      Delete
  2. Actually I believe it was "worsh", it's a midwestern thing. But believe it or not, you broke me of that habit and now everyone around here makes fun of me because I say wash! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, I was pronouncing it wrong. I did know that it was a Midwest thing and not just a Russ thing.

      So you don't worsh up anymore? ;)

      Delete
    2. The Magical Fruit - Ha, got you guessingMay 18, 2018 at 9:20 AM

      No, actually part of the Midwest says "Warsh" and part of it says "Worsh." I think it's a southern/northern Midwestern thing. Until you get to Midwestern Plains Speak (yes, an actual thing) which is what newscasters all basically use. Very boring, no real accent at all, more lack of accent. But I've never met anyone from the Midwestern Plains who speak Midwestern Plains Speak. What do you expect from newscasters...

      Delete
    3. Magical Fruit, oh, what a giveaway!

      Delete
  3. Seems those old bulbs used to go out more often in the olden days. If you saw a car with one out we used to call out "Padiddle" (I have no idea) and you kissed your girl. Come to think of it, maybe we just looked for one light beams a little harder back then.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I think you were looking too hard. :)

      The ones I use will normally last a couple of years.

      Delete
  4. I saw "headlights", I thought of high-beams, and my mind (which rolls through the gutter) immediately went to a blog posting of women wearing thin, wet, blouses. Imagine my disappointment when it turned out to be a discussion of automotive part replacement. Thanks for keeping it clean, Sarge (I guess)... ;^)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, my mind went there too, but in an effort to remain family friendly, and knowing many of the readers would go there anyway, I posted a fuzzy picture of car headlights.

      Delete
  5. Remember to not leave fingerprints on the replacement bulb. The bulb will fail quickly.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roger that. Says that in my owner's manual.

      Delete
    2. Worked in a theatrical supply house for a couple years. You could make some of those really powerful bulbs explode by just getting a little finger grease on the glass when installing (good companies supply cotton gloves with the big bulbs.) Seems the differential heating/cooling between clean glass and just a smidge of body grease is enough to turn a 500W bulb from just a really hot heat source to a hand grenade.

      Never thought it would affect just a stupid headlight or car bulb. Hmmm. Now that explains why all my cars blew their little bulbs so damned fast.

      Delete
    3. Oh yes indeedy, auto bulbs blow up real good. Not that I've ever done that. I wear glasses, one learns not to touch glass as it gets all smudgy.

      Delete
  6. Sally, GS’s ‘94 Mustang, required dismantling to replace her headlight.
    My car had a tail light act up.
    Getting to it required rear bumper removal.
    It wasn’t the bulb, but a relay.
    That required cockpit disassemblement.
    I re-aquainted myself with the vocabulary learned aboard a destroyer in the early sixties.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It ain't just Ford. We had - briefly - a 2003 VW Passat (until we came to our collective senses). It also required the front bumper (along with the wheelwell shrouds to be removed for headlight replacement. German engineering, don'tcha know, with the idea being to drive customers back to the dealership ... which operates on commission. Like I said, we used to have a VW.

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    Replies
    1. Ah, I'm guessing it's business goons making those engineering decisions.

      DAMHIK

      Delete
  8. So. What an anticlimactic unveiling after yesterday's massive free-for-all.

    What did you do at Christmas, just hand the kids their presents unwrapped?

    Just kidding. I know how a car can suck you down into a time warp. Have actually spent two days replacing a dash lamp on a Ford Aerostar, so I know about bulb replacement issues.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sigh...

      I know, should have been a parade, with a massive flyover, tanks, etc. But budget cuts here at The Chant have made celebrations of that order nearly undoable.

      Besides, I wanted to wait for the unveiling of the new mast head. No, it ain't done yet. No protests, you are going to be on the mast head.

      I am, however, rather suspicious at how quickly you fell in love with your callsign.

      Hhmm...

      Delete
    2. Juvat made the point that I needed to buck up and take it, or it could be worse. And judging from y'alls sense of humor, there could be much worse things than "Beans" for a callsign, like the aforementioned "Dictator".

      That Aerostar? I think the repair manual said to junk the vehicle as the labor costs to replace the lamp would rapidly exceed the value of the vehicle. Nice van, rode well, fast pickup, impossible to work on it.

      As a side note, though my last 4 vehicles have all been 'American', none of them have been built in the USA. 2 Fords (Aerostar and Econoline) and 1 GMC (Safari) all built in Canada, and a Ram (Promaster City) built by Fiat in Turkey. Weird, huh?

      Delete
    3. Pretty sure that The Missus Herself's Toyota was built in these here United States. (For those of reading overseas, think "those there United States.)

      Not sure where the Big Girl was built, all I know is that she keeps running and looks PDG for her age.

      Delete
  9. To replace a sealed beam headlight on our 70's vintage Fiat 131 sedan I had to remove 13 screws and the front fascia before I could reach mount... Stupid engineering has been around for a long time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It may be that the Romans were the last common sense practical engineers. A lot of the things they built are still around.

      Delete
  10. Hey AfSarge;

    My 1999 F150 and the Wife's 2009 Edge all I have to remove is the bulb from the back of the headlight,I did have to remove the side marker light to get to the hardware for the fixed lens. I do wear rubber gloves and since I was switching out bulbs, I went to SilverStars, they are a bit "whiter" and brighter and a bit more expensive. But to me it is worth the cost and you may want to check out Amazon and have it shipped to you unless you "need" the car sooner than 2 days, if you are concerned about the local parts house not having it. Just a thought...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So some things are still done correctly. Good to know.

      Bulbs were replace, nobody died. No actual blood was shed, though harsh words were shared with the air intake extension.

      Delete
    2. I forgot to add, Did you change out "Both" of them....when one goes...the other ain't far behind. Harsh words indeed, I am sure about the parentage of the headlight as well the relations with the other relatives, LOL

      Delete
    3. Yup, as per the maintenance instructions. I was a maintainer, I know these things. Vaguely remembered but some things stuck.

      Delete
    4. OAFS:

      Were you taught, as I was, that checking aircraft lightbulbs is foolish because, just because it works/shines this time doesn't mean it will work the next time.

      Paul

      Delete
    5. Still had to check 'em, T.O. said "do it," you did it.

      I never had to change a light bulb on the jet, had to check one once. You can read about that adventure here.

      Delete
  11. Yaknow, there are days when you could just post " Talk amongst yo'selves. " and have a great posting.

    Thanks for the post.
    Paul L. Quandt

    ReplyDelete
  12. I see that the USAF is covering its self in glory again. NOT!

    Paul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sigh...

      Things have changed since Juvat and I retired.

      Delete
    2. Yes, it is most assuredly not the USAF in which my father and I served.

      PLQ

      Delete
    3. Paul, what, perchance, are you referring to?

      Delete
    4. Beans:

      A report I read that the USAF has lost a machine gun and some ordnance.

      Paul L. Quandt

      Delete
    5. Ah, yes, probably lost in someone's car trunk, already stored away or sold.

      Most likely, someone not even involved will get punished, while the corrupt idiots keep on going on.

      Delete
  13. Still driving my 2001 Silverado (that I bought new). Some things were well thought out, like places to clamp jumper cables besides the battery terminals. Headlight assemblies are held in place by very long rods. Rotate top end of rods 90 degrees and pull up to remove. Bulb receptacles are twist bayonet-style mounts. To quote Yakov Smirnoff, "Is piece of pie".

    When I was younger, I offered to install a new set of spark plugs on my girl friends Camero (V8, forget what year model. '78?) I still have a straight line scar behind my right thumb from a sharp corner on the exhaust manifold over number 8. Yes, we are still married.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some engineers think these things through and implement them before the business types get involved.

      But there are crappy engineers too, someone has to fall on the lower portion of the bell curve!

      Delete
  14. My first 3 vehicles were a 1967 Mustang Fastback, with a 289 HiPo, a 1947 International KB-1 Pickup, with a Green Diamong 6 cylinder, and a 1972 Matador wagon, with an enormous V-8. I knew exactly what made thos three go down the road. I have no idea what makes my F-150 move. I suspect it is the black thing under the hood, with all the shrouds and ducts and wires, but I would not bet on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Older vehicles had engines, newer ones seem to run on black magic and computer chips.

      Delete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)