Political Theater

Jack Oakie and Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator (Source)

Every four years the American people are treated to the grand spectacle known as the "Presidential Election." As time goes by, this spectacle, at least to me, seems to devolve more and more into a popularity contest in which all qualified candidates are out of the running by the time November rolls around.

During that time, the voters who actually understand history, who actually understand the "great" issues of the day are so disgusted by the entire circus that they decide to "sit this one out." They don't go to the polls, they don't vote, and it seems, quite honestly, that they no longer care.

Those people who actually are excited about the election usually have no understanding of the candidates, how government works, nor even what they are voting for. It's all about the "trendy" candidate, the most popular, and which candidate is the most like them in some cases.

This cycle we have two "Democrats" (only one of whom actually is a member of that party), one of whom wants your vote because it's "her turn." She was passed over eight years ago for a candidate who was more trendy. After all, though we'd never had a female President, we'd also never had a "black" President. As the female candidate was "white," she wasn't as trendy as the "black" candidate, so she lost. But now it's her turn. So she thinks.

A person whose sole qualification to being in high office is based on who she was married to. A former governor who is now a former President. That's her qualification, Hell, she probably still has her set of keys to the White House. So she's got that going for her.

Oh yeah, she was a Senator. From New York. She is originally from Chicago, then she moved to Arkansas. Eventually she established a residence in New York so she could run for office there. Apparently because people in New York will vote for anyone who isn't a Republican. And California was too far away from the East Coast Establishment. I guess. I don't really understand these political things.

Oh, that's right. She was also the Secretary of State under the current unqualified leftist loon from Chicago. I won't even begin to talk about what happened on her watch.

Now another former Secretary of State (who served under the former governor of Arkansas while he was President) has indicated that all those who share the same reproductive system should vote for this candidate. Otherwise their immortal souls are, apparently, in danger.

The candidate who is not female is a loon. A total loon. He wandered north to Vermont because even New Yorkers wouldn't elect him to any office. There he found Burlington, the largest (ahem) city in the Green Mountain State.

Burlington has roughly 42,000 inhabitants, 112 of whom are not college students. Roughly 15 of these inhabitants is actually from Vermont, as in born there and know how to make maple syrup. The others are all left-leaning liberal arts majors who heard that the skiing in Vermont, while not as good as Vale, was pretty darn good. And as Vermont is close to Quebec (right next door as a matter of fact) it's almost like being in Europe.

Or something.

Now this loon "from" Vermont (actually he's from Brooklyn, in New York, not the one in Iowa, or Wisconsin, or one of the other Brooklyns) originally ran for office as a "socialist" when he became the mayor of Burlington. The (ahem) largest city in Vermont. My county in Little Rhody has more people than Burlington, roughly 49,000 to Burlington's 42 K and change. I think we do have fewer socialists as our loons are content to be "Democrats."

So the dishonorable "gentleman" "from" Vermont has been accused of being Communist (by me for one, but what do I know), he claims to be "independent" or "socialist" depending on where you tap into his personal history, but now he wants your vote as the Democrat Party candidate for President of the United States.

So vote for one because of her plumbing and it's "her turn." Vote for the other one, because, because, er, I have no idea why you would vote for him. Unless you believe all of his "eat the rich," "we need more taxes and free stuff" and "hey, socialism really does work, all the others just did it wrong" shtick.

Now about the Republicans...

Trump.

Uh, uh. I don't know what to say. He's a demagogue. He understands the military because he went to a private military academy and reads a lot.

Well, Hell. I am retired military (okay, okay, it was the Air Force) and I read way more than Trump. I'm qualified to not only be the Commander-In-Chief I think I'm ready to be the Emperor of North America, the Caribbean and the Hawaiian Islands. Heck, I'm probably over-qualified.

But I'm not running for President. At least not this year.

Now Marco Rubio (another Republican) is a fellow I don't know much about. I need to rectify that as my buddy Joe (Cranky) has assured me that the fellow I was sort of leaning towards tossing my support behind, one Ted Cruz, is, as Joe put it, a "dick."

Now I'm pretty sure that Joe was not complimenting Mr. Cruz. But as a military veteran, I have worked for a lot of "dicks" in my time, most of whom were pretty good at their jobs.

What's that? Joe doesn't mean guys named Richard?

Oh!!!

Now I get it.

Besides, I also see in the media (I mean we can trust them, right) that Ted Cruz is actually a Canadian. As in from Canada, as in "not born here."

Well, neither is the guy currently holding the office, right? Oh, he is an American, he just doesn't act like one. So if Cruz is Canadian but acts like an American (I mean come on, the man cooks bacon on the barrel of an "assault" rifle, who does that but we Americans?) that doesn't make him eligible?

I did see a very non-insightful article on line in which a non-Constitutional non-scholar reporter type explained what the Constitution means. He surmised that Mr. Cruz is actually Canadian. Because his dad was Cuban and his mom was American but they were all living in Calgary. Canada says he has Canadian citizenship. Ted says he has American citizenship, in my experience it's possible he has both. I mean the trick would be proving that Mr. Cruz was a naturalized American. As in got his citizenship later in life, not at birth. Personally, I think the article on line completely missed the point.

Can you say "dual citizenship"?

I knew you could.

I think the whole Canadian thing is a smoke screen. I mean, if Ted's a "dick" he couldn't be Canadian, right? I mean Canadians are pretty polite and all and tend not to be "dicks," well, except maybe Andre who is French-Canadian. I served with him in NATO and he could be an awful "dick," even if it was just in fun.

If Ted is Canadian then I have to rethink this whole thing.

It's confusing.

Wait, if the female candidate should be voted for based on plumbing, then...

Nope, I'm not going there.

Then there's (language warning) this. What the heck, why not, last I checked they have oil. 

Somewhere under all that ice.

Eh?