Sick and Tired of Being Tired and Sick

I played hooky from work on Friday.  Well, I guess it's not technically hooky when you're sick.  And I was REALLY sick.  A naaaaasty stomach bug ran through the whole house- the Minnow earlier in the week, then the Teenangster on Thursday, and the wife and me on Friday.  I got it the worst- splitting headache, sore throat, stomach cramps, chills, aches, cold sweats, and two other parts of my body trying to turn themselves inside out- The Full Meal Deal, although I didn't get to keep the meal.  It came on late Thursday night just as I was heading to bed.  Just cramps and a headache though at first, which made for a terrible night's sleep.

My mom, a lifelong nurse, admonished us kids to always be a good patients and treat nurses with the utmost respect.  So despite my feeling like death, I was determined to care for myself and avoid the "woe is me" card that I could have played.  Actually, I couldn't have played it at all since my wife was just as sick as I was, so there was no sympathy to be found.

I actually felt better after I lost my dinner around 5 AM- in epic fashion if you ask me- loud, violent, and with extreme prejudice. Fortunately I was able to keep my eyeballs in my head, but it was touch and go there for a minute or two.  I think I strained a retinal nerve.  The doc said the prolapsed esophagus should heal up on it's own in a day or two.

After that, I was exhausted and decided to lay back down to catch up on some of the sleep I missed from the night before.  But nooooo, apparently the stomach cramps wouldn't have any of it.  Once I went more than 45 degrees nose low, the rudder shaker kicked in and waves of pain buffeted the fuselage.   In past bouts with cramps I had been a little dehydrated so I took the tiniest of sips to see how it would sit in my stomach.  No problem.  Time to step it up.  Unfortunately I followed the sip up with a rather large gulp.  Fortunately I was already in the bathroom.  I held my hand over the troubled eye socket just in case.

I had a sore throat the entire day.  It was quite apparent as I could feel the scratchy soreness that couldn't be soothed.  Apparently I needed a reminder though because I had to swallow every five seconds just to see if it still hurt.

Whatever it was- the flu or some sort of norovirus-zika-malaria-ebola plague combo, it seemed to have settled down later that evening.  But after the pain and nausea tapered off, I didn't really feel all that good.  I'm not sure if I got better, or if I just got used to being sick.

Earlier in the day I texted my boss to let him know I wouldn't be in.  I really hate calling in sick, especially on a Friday.  It just doesn't have good "optics."  He make a joke about me just wanting a three-day weekend.  I cringed when I read that because there's a grain of truth in every joke.  Not on my part, but he's thinking that I might be goldbricking.  Nothing to be done about that of course, other than to play up just how sick I was when I go back in on Monday.

I used to never get sick.  I was like some sort of Immuno-Ironman.  Somebody with tuberculosis could cough in my face and I'd shake that off like it was nothing.  Now, if a kid with a cold sneezes two doors down, I'm practically needing a heart-lung transplant.  I've been out sick 3 times in the past year, after never using a single sick day in the 5 years before.  A side effect of getting older I suppose.  
Now that's its over, I feel like I've lost a day.  I tried to Netflix and Chill as the cool kids say, catching up on House of Cards, but between the cramps and bathroom sprints, I just couldn't pay attention, and I kept dozing off anyway.  I got absolutely nothing done, but there's always tomorrow.

It wasn't a whole lot better the next morning as things were still a bit "fluid," but the main issues were resolved- amazing how coffee can be such a healing elixir.  I realized that for the first time in probably 15 years that I had gone a day without a cup of coffee.  I didn't eat anything either, other than some crackers.  Maybe there's a bright side- I might have lost some weight.  I once ran into a co-worker who I realized I hadn't seen in a while.  We didn't know each other well, and he was much thinner than the last time I had seen him.  I asked if he had lost weight and he said he had...because of the chemo.  Talk about awkward.  Nevertheless, he looked great.

I wonder if some enterprising doctor could come up with a new weight-loss scheme.  "Hey doc, my high school reunion is coming up.  I was hoping you could prescribe me two weeks of dysentery." Need just a touch up?  How about a week of Hep C?  Ok, I realize I have a sick mind, but it's a side-effect of the pandemic running through my family.

Drugs and Booze- my kind of cure!                                    Motherjones.com

By late afternoon I was essentially back to normal. My wife opted to try the old standby- rest and fluids.  Me?  I powered through, tackling some of those chores I had put off.

Now I just need to call the CDC and a NEST team to come in and decontaminate my bathroom.

*ALL STOP, ENGINES BACK FULL.  Apparently Netflix and Chill is a euphemism for sex.  No, I just wanted to watch some TV and relax.  Damn you cool kids- does everything have to be about sex?!