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Praetorium Honoris

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Huh? What?

"You mean there's a catch?"

"Sure there's a catch," Doc Daneeka replied. "Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy."

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane, he had to fly them. If he flew them, he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to, he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle. - Catch-22, Chapter 5, pg. 55, Joseph Heller
So yes, I'm back at work, been back for a couple of days now. Full days. Now things are different when you are out of work on a Medical Leave of Absence, or MLOA as it's called. If you go out for more than a week, one can get short term disability, both from Rhode Island, and the company's insurance. If you pay the extra dimes, you can get 100% coverage. Which I have.

How it works is that you contact Human Resources, er, sorry, now they're part of Global Business Services and they have a phone menu about 27 levels deep. What you need is on about level 15, I think. Anyway, they ask for the last day worked, and the day you expect to return. Did that and away we went.

The first five days is on you, you either take PTO (Paid Time Off) or you don't get paid at all. As I had it in the bank, I took it. I like my PTO, but I like getting paid more. After that five days is up, you are taken off the active roles and placed on MLOA. The insurance and the state take care of paying for the days you're on MLOA. Eventually.

Now Monday last, as you'll recall, was the great North-South Conclave of 2018. I was absent from work for approximately 3.5 hours. I had worked an extra hour before going out to get my eyeball repaired and I still had 2.5 hours of PTO on the books. Or so I thought.

Now when one returns to work, you can't fill in your timecard (more on that in a minute) until you are "activated" in the system. To do that you go see the nurse and the nurse (or you) contacts HR, er, I mean GBS and say, "I'm back!!" (I like doing that in a really creepy voice, like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, you get my drift?)

Casually, I checked my timecard Monday at lunch before heading off to the Conclave, "Hhmm," says I, "where is my 2.5 hours of PTO?" System says zero hours available. As I know that's horse dung, I resolve to correct that on Tuesday.

Here it is Thursday, and it hasn't been corrected yet. Twice I was fobbed off by some goon at GBS with odd explanations of "well, you were on MLOA so we had to use the last 2.5 hours of your PTO." Uh, WTF, over? After several attempts I actually managed to get in touch with someone who actually knew what she was doing. Yeah, I know, hard to believe.

Rather than fob me off with some vague policy quote and made up corporate speak, she actually got to the root of the problem. Seems that some Poindexter entered my last day of work as the 9th of October. Which made the real last day of work moot. She has assured me that she will get me my PTO back, all 2.5 hours of it, within "24 to 48 hours." I think she actually will, but to be safe, I mentioned the words "fradulent timecard entry" and "ethics violation" here at the home office.

Yes, that got peoples' attention. If GBS doesn't fix it, my section manager assures me that there's someone here locally in HR that is keeping an eye on that. Hopefully.

Anyhoo. The timecard thing threw me when I fisrt started work here, a long time ago. I thought I was a salaried employee, no need to "punch a time clock" so what's this having to account for all of my time (at least 40 hours a week) on this "timecard thingy"? Well, I am a salaried employee but as we work on government contracts, Uncle Sam likes to know what we are squandering spending the taxpayers money on. As each contract is a different bucket of dinero, we need to track which buckets we're drawing from throughout the week.

By the way, making a "fradulaent entry on a timecard" is what you call a Federal offense. It's about the only thing which is a sure-fire trip out the front door with a security escort with an admonition to "never, ever come back." I've seen it happen.

So...

As my timecard wasn't unlocked until Tuesday, I entered Monday's time and Tuesday's time on Tuesday, when it was activated. On Wednesday I get an automated email from The Timecard System, telling me that I have been a bad boy for not doing Monday's time entries on Monday.

Uh...

"My timecard was locked on Monday."

"You have to fill out your timecard on the same day."

"Weren't you paying attention to my first statement?"

"You have to fill out your timecard on the same day."

"Ah, I get it, Catch-22."

"You have to fill out your timecard on the same day."

Bear in mind, I'm arguing with an automated syatem. Computers only do what they are told. Unfortunately, modern technology has made it so simple to program a computer that any old idiot can slap together a software program.

And they do.

Idiots programming computers, what could possibly go wrong?

Self-driving cars indeed!



Oh yes, we do, we do indeed!



84 comments:

  1. Ye olde Garbage In, Garbage Out.... don't cha love it? Everywhere you look, morans, morans everywhere.... to paraphrase a meme. Hang in there Sarge.

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  2. My sometimes bitter experiences leads me to agree that their are only two types of admin people. I thing admin is oldtimer speak for HR.
    Those that will use the system to screw you over.
    Those that will creatively use the system to get you what you are entitle to get.

    I'll borrow a Heinlein quote from "Glory Road." ".....all military bureaucracies consist of a Surprise Party Department, a Practical Joke Department, and a Fairy Godmother Department. The first two process most matters as the third is very small; the Fairy Godmother Department is one elderly female GS-5 clerk usually out on sick leave."

    If you change "military bureaucracies" to "HR" it fits the world of today quite well.

    Speaking of work, there are a number of countdown apps available for the phone.
    And speaking of retirement, we think the change from my wife's medical/dental/prescription plan to Medicare B/Tricare for Life/Express Scripts/Delta Dental is settling down.

    "Think ya used enough dynamite there, Butch?"

    Good post.

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    Replies
    1. I didn't see that entitled had a typo until I pushed the button. And I went back and forth between "leads" and "led."

      Delete
    2. The dynamite, one of my favorites scenes in that movie.

      For some reason, my first assignment in the Air Force came out of the Surprise Party Department. All the others came from the Fairy Godmother Department. I count myself blessed!

      Delete
    3. Typos, argh!

      Yeah, I see your dilemma with leads vs led.

      Delete
  3. Yup. Went through that with spousal unit, who was out an expected eight weeks, then tacked on an additional seven more weeks when complications ensued. Getting back to work, and being credited for it was...interesting.

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    1. OMG. Now the folks who broke my timecard claim that they can't fix it. I have to go to my "local" HR office.

      Yeah, try finding THAT phone number on the company's website. This is one of those weeks when,the chant "I can't wait to retire" is the only thing that gets me through the day.

      Sigh.

      Delete
  4. Ha ha. HR. I’ve spent the last six months working with my supervisor to get me the promotion/raise/title change I deserve (since I’m now doing the work of 2.5 people, plus some random extras). HR keeps stonewalling, denying, etc. Finally come up with a description, and agree (in writing, and everything) on a number that I am not happy with, but can live with. (A good compromise leaves everybody mad. ~Calvin)

    It finally gets entered in the system, so I should get the pay bump soon. Then I look closer, and THEY SHORTED ME AND ENETERED A LOWER NUMBER THAN WE AGREED ON.

    Hateful b*stards. Did they think I wouldn’t notice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never attribute to malice that which can readily be explained by stupidity.

      I need to translate that into Latin and inscribe it somewhere...

      I know, on the foreheads of all the HR people. With an acetylene torch.

      Delete
    2. But after six months of actual, provable malice, I think I’m pretty solid on attributing malice to an “error” that just so happens to cut in the same direction. Plus, I’m loath to label someone “stupid” if I don’t know them. Lowdown animal cunning may not be “intelligence” - but it ain’t “stupid.”

      (If “Three times is an enemy action,” what’s seventeen times?)

      Sorry, I’m being angry again, and I shouldn’t post while angry.

      Delete
    3. Oh, I don't know about that, some of the best rants on this site are done while the writer (who shall remain nameless even if he does live in the Southeast) was angry. Just sayin'

      Delete
    4. a bear - Okay yes, THAT is malice.

      Delete
    5. Tuna lives in the Southeast?

      And, what do you expect from HR. After all, you're not a person, you're a 'resource' like copy paper, toilet paper, shop rags and other 'disposables.' Most HR sections act like they can just order up employees, not related to the HR employees, hmmmmmm, from Quill or Office Despot, or from McMaster Carr, even though humans are not interchangeable cogs.

      Delete
    6. I guess you get to share the "rant-er" mantle along with me Beans! Juvat, I finally commented on your meet-up post btw.

      Delete
    7. Tuna - You and Beans can be Rant Buddies. Or maybe Co-Ranters.

      Delete
    8. As if I needed more evidence, this afternoon I learned that I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON THEY DID THIS TO. “Mistake,” my ass.

      Delete
  5. HR, Admin, Global Business Services, GBS, Bean Counters, whatever you might call them, are all bureaucracies and a blight, even a malignancy.
    There larger the organization, the bigger the malevalency.
    I feel fortunate that I was able to slip by without encountering all but the military bureaucracy.
    Now, of course, I have come to find that Medicare has me in their clutches.
    They, and the supplement providers, have their own version of Catch 22.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Augh. I spent less time dealing with insurance companies when I wasn't on Medicare. Now that I am on it there is the assumption that, since I am on it, I have all the time in the world to play phone-tree-tag rather than deal with the medical issues that are what I am calling about.

      Especially when trying to find an in-network provider. You would think that their up-to-date system would allow their 'health care advocate' to tell me exactly who and where treats AND accepts their coverage, along with actually accepting new patients. But, nooooooooooooooooooooooo. That would be too easy and require someone (most likely related to an HR slug) to do their damned job. Instead I get to go to various locations to show them the appropriate insurance cards only to be basically laughed at, in usually a polite way, and deny me treatment (hopefully before seeing me and charging me for a visit.)

      Hates them. And the Affordable Care Act (which isn't, unless you count No Treatment as "Affordable.")

      Delete
    2. From what I understand, Tri-Care for you military retirees, is soo much better, by the way.

      Delete
    3. Beans the First - Don't get me started on what those rat bastards in DC did to our health care system in this country.

      Bassssstardssss, we hates them, they destroyed the Preciousssss.

      Delete
    4. Beans the Second - Tri-Care is good.

      Delete
    5. +1 to the nth degree re: our current "healthcare" system...don't get me started, I will rant for days!!!

      And just you wait until you have to deal with the VA system...you think Medicare is a PITA, try to get something done in the VA system...Medicare at least makes sorts sense...the VA, ya, none at all!

      Delete
  6. There is a very good reason why nobody fucks with police on these kinds of matters. People who routinely come to work armed aren't fucked with. Oh, and by no means tell them that you future plan is to bring a gun along to augment the argument. You won't like what happens. Just surprise them.
    As Heinlein said, an armed socieity, polite. What he missed through some lapse.
    They have to be really really convinced of your sincerity. It doesn't hurt to have lots of reloads/magazines in plain sight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SHows 'em that you're "for real" serious.

      Delete
    2. There's a reason so many 'workplace violence' incidents are related to Human Resources activity at the workplace. Eventually the HR zombies come for your Swingline stapler and then...

      Delete
    3. And then excrement hits the rotating cooling device!

      Delete
  7. No, don't worry, I'm retired. There is no HR department here...........not anymore.

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  8. I apologize for the language. Writing with a broken arm is harder than expected and exasperating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't worry about it, takes much longer to try and clean it up. DAMHIK.

      Damn Cap'n, when did you break your arm? And oh yeah, heal up quick.

      Delete
    2. Well, at least you're not typing with the ripped-off arm from an HR zombie. Though, hmmm, that would be a zombie movie I'd actually watch. Kinda "Shaun of the Dead" meets "Office Space."

      Of course, how can one tell the actual HR zombies from HR non-zombies, and is there really a quantifiable difference, and even if there is, does anybody care?

      Delete
    3. Hhmm, an interesting philosophical point you raise. (Said in my Yoda voice.)

      Delete
  9. Classic stuff, Sarge. I'm going to be chuckling all day.

    Morons, indeed. And how many times did Orr ditch at sea?

    Yossarian: "HE MADE IT?!!".

    A few days back, I took on an automated chat "assistant", knowing it was hopeless going in. After the first response, I could not help myself typing "You're an idiot" several times just to see what came back.

    Here is another classic clip. Prophecy. Who knew?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6o881n35GU

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've found that crying like a 3yo girl with a knee boo-boo seems to unsettle the phone trolls and has a reasonably high rate of success. Especially when one randomly throws in a 'Tourette's Syndrome' moment.

      Calm, cool, collected just gets you transferred to yet another auto-troll that transfers you to another auto-troll or to a real troll who then transfers you to yet another auto- or real-troll, who then.... And somewhere you end up being transferred back to the original number you were originally transferred to. Yay. What fun. It's almost like the system is designed to not give you the services you are paying for.

      Delete
    2. RHT447 - Sterilize! Sterilize!

      A favorite that is.

      Delete
    3. Beans - I can't decide if phone trees were designed to cut down on the number of human employees required, or to cut down on the number of competent human employees required. It might just be as you say, designed so that no one gets what they paid for. But all those "help desk" types still get paid. For doing nothing.

      Delete
    4. Most phone trees are designed to cause the customer to drop off, thus not bothering actual employees or costing the company any expenses. There's a reason phone trees started out at insurance companies and warranty departments.

      Delete
  10. "Morons, indeed." I think it sounds even better when pronounced the way Bugs Bunny did.

    Once again, cheer up...

    Thanks for the post.
    Paul L. Quandt

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  11. WTF? My comment went straight up without letting me review it. Is that the new standard?

    Paul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, actually that's the way it's supposed to work. Maybe it's the new ID thing. For some reason, even though I tell Blogger to just shut up and work, occasionally likes to "check IDs" on Any Mouse comments.

      I've given up trying to figure out Blogger. It is what it is. (But it's still free and, unlike WordPress, won't post an ad unless you tell it to.)

      Delete
  12. I guess it is; did it on the second comment as well.

    PLQ

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    Replies
    1. Mayhaps our humble host... Okay, guys, stop laughing! Maybe OldAFS has finally given you double secret access to the system.

      Delete
    2. "Maybe OldAFS has..." Young whippersnapper. You keep harping on the ' old ' like that and maybe you won't live long enough to become old. Ever think of that, did you, huh? Huh? Run along now and play in your sandbox AW.

      Paul L. Quandt

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    3. PLQ - I'm thinking it was your old Any Mouse self that Blogger didn't like.

      Delete
    4. Beans - Ruh-roh. Be careful, remember, PLQ used to teach SERE school, he knows things. Hurtful things.

      Delete
    5. PLQ - Have pity on the lad, he's young, he's obstreperous. He'll learn...

      Delete
    6. But, but, but, He, OldAFSarge, uses the "Old" in his NAME! How can that be wrong?

      And I was old when I was a kid. I have just gotten older and grumpier. "Get Off My Lawn" is a phrase that would have warmed my heart when I was 20.

      And PLQ? He's just a whippersnapper...

      Delete
    7. "Maybe OldAFS…" "...OldAFSarge…"

      Andrew, do you see the difference here? The second example is ok, the first is rather not.

      "And PLQ? He's just a whippersnapper..." You didn't quite get that one right either; it's ' whip snapper '.

      Paul

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    8. Hahaha!

      Just don't call me late for dinner...

      Delete
    9. Dagnabit! Just spent a whole 5 minutes typing a rather excellent response back to PLQ and dangit, Blogger ate it. Bastige.

      So, to recap something that is probably lost forever...

      I don't call OldAFSarge "OAFS" because, since I haven't met him, I don't know if he's an oaf or not. Thus, OldAFS.

      As to 'Whippersnapper' vs 'Whip Snapper,' my grandmother from Ohio used 'whippersnapper' and she actually had a horse-drawn buggy when she was growing up. Maybe it's a regional thing.

      Ha. Good attempt to get my goat. Too late. He was delicious.

      Delete
    10. Blogger will, on occasion, devour comments. I don't know where they go, perhaps to the same place as socks lost in the dryer.

      It's a mystery...

      Delete
  13. Sarge, don't be so critical. You're probably the first person in the history of your company and govt. contracts to ever take MLOA! Just to make you feel better (or not), it's no better on the govie side. And trying to take leave from TDY, and accounting for it on your timecard and travel claim is next to impossible. It's not right, but sometimes the bosses just write off the time as actual work since it's too hard to figure out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen the whole TDY to leave thing. A buddy of mine on Okinawa went to the PI on TDY, after the TDY was complete, he stayed there for 30 days leave. When he got back to Kadena, the AF credited him with an extra 30 days of leave, instead of taking it away. We told him, don't complain, let time sort it out. Nope, he went to Finance and complained.

      Took them six months to fix that. And he didn't get paid for an entire month.

      I'm not the first to take MLOA, wasn't even my first MLOA. However, there is a new system in place, and that GBS nonsense is part of it. If the company could figure out how to put GBS "off-world" they would, that way no one could ever get a problem resolved. And you couldn't go after the guilty.

      I suspect that latter thing will happen. One way or the other this will be fixed.

      Delete
    2. GBS. Does that stand for Grotty Bull Scat?

      Delete
    3. Global Business Services is the long answer.

      Yes, is the short answer.

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    4. So your Personnel function is now handled internationally? That seems... inefficient. To say the least.

      You ever notice that the HR department gets overly large right before the company goes Tango Uniform? Another indicator is they build a brand new super-headquarters. That's usually a 5 year death sentence for a business.

      Delete
    5. Well, yeah. They used to have multiple HR departments scattered about the landscape, often working at cross purposes with one another. Consolidation isn't a bad idea per se, they just need to tweak a few things. And get better software, some of the software we purchase is pure crap.

      Delete
  14. Wonder if Global Business Services is overreaching? Your blog disappeared from my blog roll for 24 hours in that the link didn't work. Working now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hhmm, well, they are global. (Or maybe we pissed off Google?)

      Delete
  15. Totally off-topic, but... SumPilotDude just buzzed my neighborhood in a P-51. Knew there was something before I saw it from the loud whine sound of a multi-multi cylinder in-line. Just one question. Who the heck flys a -51 that's painted safety orange on at least the bottom?

    Still much prefer the sound of those big-arsed radials in the -47/F6F/Corsair. But you get your warplane jollies when you can, right?

    And that whine sound, I was tracking the sound, added expected lead, and got a good look at him when he popped out over the tree-line out into the open. Not a bad looking bird, even in safety-orange. The reef shark to the -47's great white.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the shark analogy.

      As to a Mustang with a safety orange belly? A cursory walkabout of the Internet didn't reveal any answers. An odd choice though.

      Delete
    2. I know, right? It looks like it was painted in training colors. Hmmmm. Didn't get to see the canopy from the side so wasn't able to see if it was a two-seater. And internet skills fail me. There was an orange one out of Ft. Lauderdale but she crashed in 2010 and killed the pilot.

      And my local mullet-wrapper doesn't think cool things like a flying P-51 to be newsworthy.

      Delete
    3. Heh, mullet-wrapper, never heard that one before. Like it I do.

      Delete
    4. Learned that one from my dad.

      Delete
    5. There’s a rather famous red-orange one, Dago Red:

      http://www.mustangsmustangs.net/p-51/survivors/serial/44-74996

      It certainly has a theme.

      Delete
    6. This one looked like it was painted in post war training colors, had the US decal on the wing. Silver on top, Orange on bottom and rear side of fuselage.

      Delete
    7. Dago Red has been modified to be a racer (which I hate BTW). As to the stock Mustang in those colors, intriguing, I may have to practice some Google Fu this weekend.

      Delete
    8. I haven't found anything that looks like that, and the big list o' survivors didn't show, either.

      http://www.mustangsmustangs.com/p-51/survivors/complete_survivors

      Mysteries. May your googlefu prove stronger than mine. Also, I'm supposed to be working.

      Delete
    9. What is this "working" thing you speak of?

      Oh that, yeah, me too.

      Delete
  16. "Dago Red has been modified to be a racer (which I hate BTW)."

    As I was typing a reply, I hit the space bar and everything disappeared. So now I'll just ask why you hate that.

    PLQ

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    Replies
    1. One more thing, I've been to the Reno Air Races for a number of years, some while ago.

      Paul L. Quandt

      Delete
    2. There's something about modifying a beautiful aircraft to make it a racer that I just don't like. It's the aesthetics of the thing I suppose. Might be irrational, I just don't care for it.

      Hit the space bar and everything vanished? Yup, I've seen that. It's rare but it happens...

      Delete
    3. I watched a YouTube clip of some air racing not long ago. It's only slightly more appealing, to me, than racing automobiles. But that's just me.

      Back in the day I would spend good money to dress in period (think wool) clothing and run around in the woods with other adults. Reenacting we call it as adults. Playing army was what we called it as kids.

      If I was younger, I think I would probably still be doing that.

      Delete
    4. Air racing is much more fun when one is a member ( even an unofficial member ) of one of the race aircraft and have a line badge. When I could go out to the highest pylon on the course and watch the aircraft thunder over my head at 15 to 50 feet and 400+ knots, well, trust me, it's fun.

      Paul

      Delete
    5. Okay, I get that. Up close and personal like. That would be pretty awesome.

      Delete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)
Can't be nice, go somewhere else...

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