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Praetorium Honoris

Thursday, December 20, 2018

Ave! And Stuff!



In this holiday Christmas season, consisting of Advent and the Twelve Days of, we focus so much on Christ and the wonderful and not so wonderful events that led up to His birth and the days after. But we would be nowhere without his mother, Mary. The Blessed Virgin herself.

And one of the most beautiful pieces of music ever, written by Franz Schubert, is about her.

AVE MARIA

Ave Maria, Gratia plena
Maria, Gratia plena
Maria, Gratia plena
Ave, Ave Dominus
Dominus tecum
Benedicta tu in mulieribus
Et benedictu
Et benedictus frutcus ventris, ventris tu Jesus
Ave Maria
Ave Maria, mater Dei
Ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Ora, ora pro nobis
Ora, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Nunc, et in hora mortis
In hora mortis nostrae
In hora mortis, mortis nostrae
In hora mortis nostrae
Ave Maria
Amen

(translation)(which is just a jazzed up version of the prayer, ‘Hail Mary’)

Hail Mary, Full of Grace
Mary, Full of Grace
Mary, Full of Grace
Hail, Hail to the Lord
The Lord is with you
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed fruit of the womb, the womb of Jesus
Hail Mary
Hail Mary, Mother of God
Pray for us sinners
Pray, pray for us
Pray, pray for us sinners
Now, and in the hour of death
In the hour of our death
In the hour of death, our death
In the hour of our death
Hail Mary
Amen

(thanks to translate.yandex.com for the very quick and intuitive translation program for Latin to English. I tried to find a good translation and was out of luck, then tried lots of translators and only Yandex gave me good results.)

One of my favorite audio versions is sung by Karen Carpenter, but just about any more-than-competent singer, following the lyrics and melody written by Franz et al, will bring me to tears and have me running to go hug Mrs. Andrew and clamp onto her like a limpet on his favorite rock at low tide.

Karen Carpenter singing 'Ave Maria'
Such a beautiful voice, such a tragic loss
Those who pestered her have much to answer for


Why get so all schmaltzy over a beautiful song?

Well, back in 1984 there was this girl I knew, we met in college, who saved me from a really bad relationship (really bad, Lifetime Movie of the Week bad, trust me, BAD) and she did it because she liked me (and I later found out was in love with me) and, well, I fell in love with her without knowing she was in love with me and, aw, Beans, you went all Hallmark movie on us...

So, in 1985, she moved to Gainesville, FL and got a house, and I went with her to rent a room and try to go to UF and get a degree and, well… I never moved into the room I was going to rent. Oops. Living in sin I was, but only because I knew I would marry her someday. The impediment? Her. She was ‘all girlfriend but nothing further’ and I accepted, because that was the only way I could be around her. Sigh…

Somewhere in the summer of 1985 I asked her to marry me. She turned me down, nicely, sweetly, but Hard. So I asked her again, and got shot down again. And again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again… Finally, like water against rock, I wore her down. And she opened up and She didn’t think she was good enough for me. Me? Mr. All Flaws and Sharp Edges, and she didn’t think she was good enough for me? Here I am, thinking I am, no, KNOWING I am loving someone way above me, way smarter and better and more human and sweeter and nicer and and and and, and it turns out she doesn’t think she’s the worthy one?

OH. NO. SHE. DIDN’T. Nice try, lady. I was (and am still) not worthy to be with you, so get over yourself. So, well, eventually she wore completely down and finally said “Yes” around November of 1985 and we talked about getting married in the spring of 1987. My parents were like, “Oh, what took you so long” when I finally told them (I had been nervous puking for a few days before, a wonderful affliction I inherited from my father, who managed to puke on my mother’s hand, himself, the restaurant, and from what he said, about half the county when he proposed to my mother.)

Her parents? They thought she could do much better than me. Like stay at home and take care of them was their plan. Have I ever told you that I hate my in-laws? Oh, the hatred of Belgians living on the German border in 1944 (obligatory Battle of the Bulge reference) is maybe 1/100th the hatred of what I felt and still feel for her side of the family. Still dream of digging up her father and chopping his head off just to make sure… (I was bitterly disappointed with the Catholic Church at large when my FIL did not catch fire when he stepped into the church on our wedding day. Yes, Crisis of Faith, man, Crisis of Faith.)

Then my mother derailed us. We would have to pay to ship Grandmother Cone from California for the wedding. We were paying for everything out of our own pocket, so air-freighting GC would have broken us. Instead, since she paid her own way to Florida for the Christmas season, which for her started the week before the Army-Navy Game (Go Navy! Lt. Gordon Cone, Annapolis class of ’29) and ending after Epiphany, that set the window of opportunity. The business I was working at shut down Dec 24 and opened up Jan 2, so that narrowed it even more. And we wanted to get married down at Holy Name of Jesus Catholic Church in Indialantic, FL, and they only had one open day in December, so… The day was set.

All the hoops were in place.  Time to start jumping through them.

First, get the local priest to smear holy oil on the Jewish girl and proclaim her Catholic, which entailed a whole conversion process which was very simple and tedious, in comparison to the whole conversion process she went through to become Jewish in the first place. I still have fond memories of the priest who was running her to-Catholic conversion backing into the corner as she kept asking hard questions about Catholicism and the Conversion Process until he finally broke and got the monsignor involved and He said, after being questioned as to why once she accepted the Word of God and Jesus as her Lord and Savior why she had to wait until Easter to be confirmed because according to the Scriptures and Church Teachings, once you accepted TWOG and JAYLAS then if you die before being officially confirmed you will exist in a state of Limbo rather than Grace and He (the monsignor) said, “How about Sunday?” and she got smeared and ‘Poof,’ she was a Catholic…

Then there was the interview by our local parish priest as to the validity of our wish to be married. Then the interview by the parish priest and a senior nun down at Holy Name of Jesus (totally different dioceses from our local parish/dioceses)(parish being the individual church run by a priest or monsignor, dioceses being an administrative area composed of many parishes and overall run by a bishop.)(stop here if you’re Anglican or Episcopal, continue on with cardinals and the Pope if you’re Roman Catholic.)

Then we had to attend a Pre Cana class, which is a Catholic course for those preparing to be married in the Catholic Church, where we learned fascinating things like how to tell if Myrtle is Fertile by the elasticity of some mucus from somewhere (no, really) and this was taught by some lady with 12 children, so, well, I guess it worked for her. And other fascinating and completely thought provoking and world changing things that were so special I can’t remember any of them. Except for that whole mucus-rubber band thingy. Stuck like glue in our minds it did, and we still talk about it once in a while.  A mere stretching of two fingers can cause chortling at the most inappropriate times.

And… well, have I told you how much I hate my in-laws? That whole bride’s family supports the bride thingy? Well, the jerks really wanted Mrs. Andrew stay at home and take care of them. Really. Juvat, have I told you how much I respect you for doing right by your daughter for her wedding? You and your wife are what parents should be. Her parents? Not so much. No help at all.

So my mother stepped in. Mom Andrew finally got to do the whole ‘mother-daughter’ thing and got so totally involved that we had to sit her down and reel her back and reset all of the arrangements she made because we already made them so Mom Andrew made The Dress and…

We really lucked out. Really. Mom’s church group did the cooking for the reception at my parent’s house (not a formal dine-in, more an informal party. We cleaned the house and one of Mrs. Andrew’s friends did the cake and the church group cooked the food (one of the food choices, cocktail sausages heated in apple butter is still one of our favorites) and my Dad provided a bar for the drinkers, and we made plans to honeymoon ‘away’ from the wedding night to Christmas Eve.

The actual church was an easy thing. Already decorated for the season, the whole back wall of the church was lined with trees with white lights so no need for us to do anything.

Our wedding ‘song’ was/is Franz Shubert’s “Ave Maria” which the music director didn’t approve of but he got over it.  Why would a beautiful, Christian piece of music be a problem in a church?  Dunno, but as I said, he got over it.  Mrs. Andrew can be quite persuasive when she wants to be.

Well, long story short, comes December 20th, 1986, I married my best friend and someone who still is far better than me. And through sickness and health, richer, poorer, good times and bad, we are still giddily in love with each other and laugh and cry and fight and talk and we’re together still, till way after death do us part.

Maybe She was looking over us and helping. I always thought and think so.

So, thank you, Holy Mother, for everything you’ve done.

Ave! And Amen!

For Scott the Badger, because he has me listening to Celtic Women again

Ah, darned, I'm crying again.

And that blonde reminds me of Mrs. Andrew when we met, except more Karen Carpenter's face and voice.


34 comments:

  1. Holy smokes! I saw this movie on the Hallmark channel just last week! .......... :) Congratulations to Mrs. Andrew and you.

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    1. Some of the story is more Lifetime Movie of the Week, but, yeah, it's almost a real fairy tale.

      Thanks.

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  2. Happy Anniversary Beans!

    A beautiful choice for your wedding music.
    It did get just a tad dusty here in Philly when I read your post.

    When we told the families we were getting married, each person basically replied with a version of, "Not surprised."

    Good post. And now I'm off to the Tuub of Yew.



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    1. My parents were happy. Her parents, not so much.

      Guess whose opinions mattered more?

      I surprised her, was up before her and had Celtic Woman's version all ready to play. She loved it. So I surprised her again and hit her with the Karen Carpenter's version. She loves KC. So I am doubly happy that I doubly surprised her.

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  3. Wow. Just wow.

    A very touching tale Beans, I'm amazed at you letting us have a glimpse into your very soul. An amazing story, heartfelt, touching, and so real. Thanks for that. May you and your Missus have a most excellent anniversary.

    Thanks for this very touching post.

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    1. Thanks. Since I don't have any cool stories about standing around on a tarmac...

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  4. Great Post, Beans! Thanks for the compliment, but, Mrs J and I had gone through a similar situation with her family. Didn't want to visit that on MBD and SIL. Happy Anniversary, (just so happens to also be my Mother's Birthday, so an auspicious day). Merry Christmas to all!

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    1. When my fairy step daughter (she had lost her father, and her mother was a loon, so she glommed onto us) got married, I tried to make sure that she got as much support from us as possible.

      At least you had a uniform to wear. I had to rent a tux. Dark green, to complement the church. Along with mascara on my mustache for it to show up.

      Merry Christmas to All, too!

      And happy Last Day Eve. D-Day minus 1, H-Hour minus 30+..

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  5. Well done, sir. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one here who married above himself, and we too chose Ave Maria for our wedding. I even identify with your experience of a prior relationship. When I told my sister that I had dodged a bullet there her response was "Bullet, hell you dodged an atomic bomb!" A very Happy Anniversary to you both, and many happy returns.

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    1. Yup. The Thing even had an actual Psycho French National Mother. Thing had me snared and ensorcered. Like Shelob, but younger and meaner. Fortunately Mrs. Andrew waged a partisan movement against Shelob and... well... I won.

      Still don't understand the music director's aversity to Ave Maria. Musta been hard for him to play or something.

      Atomic bomb. Heh.

      Thank you, and if you're still married (one of those landmines in on-line friendships) many happy returns to you too.

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  6. Your Good Lady Wife must be of rare beauty, then.

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    1. Yep. Lots of stupid men could have won her heart. But she let me. Beauty in and out. The most gentle soul I've ever met. So I get to be her warrior and protector so she can continue to be gentle. It's a good relationship.

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  7. WOW! That song does make the eyes water a bit!

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    1. Yes. Sure to cause dew to form on the old muzzle, no?

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  8. Happy anniversary Beans. Like you, I married way above and have had a blessed 44 years of wedded bliss. My In-Law situation was much better as dear Dorothy was a peach, God rest her soul, who thought the man of the house ruled. She loved to sit in my recliner when I wasn't home but if I walked into the room she would pop out and move to the couch. "Dorothy, sit down! I'm not Archie Bunker!" To no avail... Oh well.

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    1. She married into my family, which she loves. I guess anything is an improvement over the "Felon of the Week" club that her family is.

      I got the lovely treat of hosting her mother after her father died... And yet our marriage survived.

      Glad to know so many people like you who have had a long marriage. The newsies seem to make it out that that is unusual today. Liars, maybe.

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    2. The meejah, lie? Surely you jest.

      (I know, I know, don't call you Shirley. Going on 41 for The Missus Herself and I. I tell ya, the woman is a saint, putting up with me for so many years.)

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    3. I don't know how they do it. I mean, we know we're not worthy but they make us worthy.

      One time I was getting an award in the SCA and I said that men are cups. Empty cups and given half a chance will fill that cup up with dirt and filth. Women, good women, will clean that cup and fill it with goodness.

      For some strange reason, there were a lot of jealous ladies in the court that day...

      But it's true. I know how she did it, but she took a rough barbarian and turned me into her knight. And I am so much better for it. (But I still know where all the rust spots and bad rivet jobs in the armor are...)

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  9. So you took a nice Jewish girl and turned her in to a completed Jew, and a Catholic to boot! Quite the Apostolic Catholic you are. Well done, in marrying up, as well as this post. Happiest of Anniversaries to you both. Now if I could just figure out JAYLAS.

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    1. She was already a Completed Jew. She was just a pre-Catholic girl and I was a post-Jewish boy...

      JAYLAS, well, say it in a Southern Baptist voice, "Jesus as Your Lord and Sav-I-or." I know you can. From the Jim Baker school of TV Evangelism. :)

      So I surprise her with the appropriate greetings on Jewish holidays, and we have a Menorah to go with our Advent and Christmas stuff. After all, if the Big JC could be a rabbi, well, keeping the faith, brother, just keeping the faith.

      I get the distinct feeling that we all married above our class, except for LUSH and Suz and the other lady readers out there. LUSH is a (mental) cradle robber, marrying a man-child (aren't all fighter pilots or post-fighter pilots just big kids?) One of these days I'll write something that will get a response of LUSH...

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  10. C'mon Tuna....Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Now CincLantFltComSubGru? That's a toughie.

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    1. Congrats on your anniversary Mr and Mrs Beans!! May you have many, many more very happy ones!!
      I am partial to 12/20 as it is also my one and only son's birthday...just got off the phone talking with him. Makes me smile.

      And yes, Beans, I finally figured it out and married a keeper...took me 3 times, so I am a little slow, but he has never had a beer, and didn't smoke/do drugs/etc as he wanted to spend the money on ammo, not getting lung cancer. My son says I finally found someone who is more thrifty then me...and he would be correct. It took Hubbie almost 6 years to talk me into getting married again, but he wore me down, and I asked him to marry me (he said I had to do the asking). I can't get over the fact that he is crazy about me, and tells me so, even though I am no longer a skinny little thing. So he said yes, and we went to the court house when my son was in town, and conned a niece of his to meet us and also be a witness. We just celebrated year 3, so I am jealous of everyone else who has been together for much longer. I believe there are many more out there than the MSM would like us to believe. Further more we are both still young enough we could make 25+ years if we take care of each other. Gotta have goals!! :)

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    2. Suz, congratulations on 3. I certainly hope you and your beloved have 25 more as I do for Mrs J and I. Young is relative...I hope.

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    3. I echo Juvat's congratulations. It's tough sometimes to find happiness, glad you did. Like they say, third time's the charm!

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    4. Thanks, Suz. Plan on at least a hundred or so more.

      Congratulations on finding the one-one. I have noticed a tendency on both sex's parts to hide their true self until after the marriage and then the curtain comes off and the real person is finally exposed. The Thing was like that. Sweet and nice to me. Chainsaw on steroids to the people around me.

      Mrs. Andrew opened my mind to understanding girl-speak, that hidden under-speech that is the actual meaning of what so many ladies say. "My, that's nice" roughly translates as "A dead gorilla hit by an RPG looks better than that."

      And sometimes it's not the length but the intensity of the relationship that matters. Two cold fish could be married for 60+ years and not experience a 10th of what 10 years of a hot, passionate, messy marriage can be. Mrs. Andrew and I used to have some spectacular Italian-style fights, flailing arms, grand gestures, voices heard from one end of the house to the other with all the doors closed. Ah, the old days... But we survived, because we were passionate enough to argue rather than just seeth at each other.

      Three years done right is better than 30 not done right. ;)

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    5. Juvat- ha! I know He is MLAS, but I've never had the opportunity to abbreviate it! CINCHouse and others are easy since there's part of a word in there, but now we're just going with initials- SMWDC and NMAWC are my recent employers. Tougher to figure those out without google.

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  11. An almost belated happy anniversary from me as well.

    Thanks for the post.
    Paul L. Quandt

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  12. Wow, Beans, what a great Christmas story!

    You're both very lucky to have each other.

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    1. More lucky than you think. I'd be dead under an overpass without her. Seriously. She saved me from the world and even better saved me from myself.

      So, to repay her for her kindness, I do the best to save her from the world right back. So far I've been successful.

      And it is a great Christmas story. One of those things I wanted to tell other people but my 'friends' just weren't interested and my cow-orkers were just that, orks.

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