Where Did the Summer Go?

It hit me Friday morning, well, it was close to morning, when I awakened from an exhausted, dreamless sleep. It's mid-September, past mid-September really. Based on the southern march of the sun, summer ends in four days. Based on my personal calendar, it ended almost three weeks ago. Based on the weather, well, let's just say the summer goes, then returns for a bit and will do that here in Little Rhody until October sometime. Further north there is already a bite in the air at night.

For me it's been a year without summer. Since I heard the words, "she's in the early stages of kidney disease," it became a time of waiting, followed by a time of mourning, which continues in varying stages.

Going out to Sandy Eggo to work on the ship has been a big help, busy, busy, busy. No time to mourn really, no time to wallow in the agony of loss. Which has helped me keep my sanity. Every now and then I find myself dwelling on loss, my own, that of others, and what it means to me.

Staggering down the stairs to get a cup of coffee, I was still groggy and only partially awake. I expected to see a familiar face look up from the back of the couch where she liked to sleep. It hit me, hard, she's gone. Her sister remains, and don't get me wrong, she's an awesome cat, but she doesn't have her sister's passion. Sasha lived life to the fullest, she was more than a cat, she was a friend, she was a constant companion for nearly eighteen years. Her not being here is a physical thing, something is missing. Anya knows this as well, she still looks for her sister, then looks to me as if to say, "What have you done with her?"

There are things we do for our companion animals, good and not so good things. The last decision one must make for a beloved companion is often the toughest decision one must make. I've had to do it, I'm sure you all have as well. I always wonder if it truly was the right thing to do. They come to me in my dreams to reassure me that they bear no grudge. But is that real, or is it my brain trying to comfort itself?

I don't know.

I'm looking forward to going out to the ship again, knowing that it might be the last time, retirement looms and I'm not getting any younger. The next few months will determine whether or not I really will hang up my virtual spurs at the end of next year.

I remember when it was time to retire from the Air Force, it was nice knowing that there were certain things I wouldn't have to do any more. Then there were the things that I knew that I would miss. But staying wasn't an option, it was time to move on.

Just like the summer, I will eventually move on from the massive sense of loss I'm  currently experiencing. But all things must pass, new things come, old things go.

But for the moment, the pain of loss is nearly overwhelming...

On the Mend

Chris Shiflett, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel & Dave Grohl 

One more day that I've survived

Another night alone

Pay no mind I'm doing fine

I'm breathing on my own

I'm here

And I'm on the mend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend my friend

Wake me when the hour arrives

Wake me with my name

See you somewhere down the line

We're tethered once again

I'm here

And I'm on the mend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend my friend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you

Sat alone

Here we go

Close your eyes and stay a while

To take me where you go

Single file we walk the mile

Who's wandering back home

I'm here

And I'm on the mend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend my friend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend

I'm here

And I'm on the mend my friend

Was it you

Sat alone

Here we go

Here we go

Here we go

Here we go