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Praetorium Honoris

Thursday, January 19, 2023

Side Branch on a Thread¹

(Source)
So yesterday we were talking about music and reader Bear Claw brought up the idea of funeral music, as in "I want this ... played at my funeral."

For me it's this one -


And that, trust me, is a beautiful rendition of that tune.

Reader Timbotoo commented, on the aforementioned post, concerning funeral music, "Ah, new side branch on the thread."

On Monday, juvat mentioned wills and things of that nature, lots of good information in the post and in the comments (we have such a learned and distinguished crowd here, yes Beans, you too). 

Okay, now this post might be a wee bit morbid, but I thought I'd chase the aforementioned side branch (so to speak) with a standalone post.

I've given some thought to where I'd like to be planted when it's time for me to shuffle off this mortal coil (God willing, not for some time yet). In my younger years this is something to which I'd given very little, if any, thought. But now, as I'm in hailing distance of three score and ten, I suppose it's time to get downright serious about things. Well, as serious as I can be.

One thing I had given absolutely no thought to, back in the day, was where I wanted to be buried.

Then I visited Arlington.

Yup, there's where I'd like to wind up. But it's getting full, so would I consider cremation?

Hhmm, I dunno, fire and all that.

But all that aside, what music do you want to be played at your funeral?

Or do you even care?

Guess I need to get a will going sometime. Soon, no doubt.

Have at it.²




¹ Hat tip to reader Timbotoo, who gave me the idea.
² Yes, I'm in a weird mood today. Er, yesterday, when I wrote this.

102 comments:

  1. Not much interested in funeral music for me, it is really for the living really. Sort of like playing music when my old car goes to the crusher, I'll be done with that part of me.

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  2. been thinking about that recently (since I'm beyond four score). Sometimes you really don't have choice; the wife has a strong say as well, though I'd always been looking forward to having my ashes scattered on my favorite ski slope.
    NB: not an ad! all veterans should, if they haven't already, look closely into the great funeral benefits available to them and their spouse.

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    1. The wife ALWAYS has a say.

      As to your last, I have, I too recommend that.

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  3. kansas dust in the wind
    andy griggs if heaven

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  4. At the commencement, the first half of Funeral for a Friend by Elton John, just the instrumental part. At the end, either Don't Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult or Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkle

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  5. Sarge, gentle lecture/reminder to all to get a will in place now if you do not have one (I say this having finally put on in place after going many years without it). It is a pain and costs money and can be a lot of back and forth, but is worth it. Also, if helpful, one can always write down one's funeral preferences (with the understanding that they will likely get overruled by one's wife - but at least you tried!).

    When we buried my father, the funeral home was able to put us in touch with the correct military personnel for their part of the service.

    Music: Honestly, something upbeat like "Sweet Victory In Jesus". Alan Jackson has a wonderful CD of hymns (we played them for my father's funeral) that were quite nice.

    Place: If I had my druthers, I would go in the family cemetery on my mother's side. It is quite isolated now, so I doubt anyone would come to visit, but I am okay with that.

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    1. You've given this some thought, which is good.

      Ditto on the will thing, when The Missus Herself returns from fair Maryland we will be talking about this. (Grandchild on the way, arrival is imminent. Grandson number three, grandchild number eight!)

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    2. Congratulations! We can use all the good and happy news we can get these days.

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    3. We breathlessly await the little guy's arrival.

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  6. "Fields of Gold", Sting
    "Scars in Heaven", Casting Crowns

    My mate and I are both wanting to be buried where we live. It's home. Her family is buried up in the Panhandle while my relations are buried in Chinquapin Cemetery in San Augustine County. I left San Augustine to join the military and never went back. My home is here with my wife.

    I like the way the latest threads are going. No particular destination, just enjoy the journey.

    -Barry

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    1. Excellent choices. The mention of Fields of Gold by Sting actually brought a tear to my eye.

      Going with the flow, my Muse has returned and she's been, shall we say, thoughtful.

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  7. You know, yesterday when I mentioned Ride of the Valkyrie, it was just me kidding around. Then I listened to that guy on the organ. I'm starting to think it's a good piece for a fighter pilot to exit on.

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    1. Perfect might be the word I would use!

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    2. Ride of the Valkyries ranks pretty high on my favorites list.
      But... March of the Gladiators suits me.

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    3. Hadn't thought of that one. Nice.

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    4. One that I want played at my funeral is another by Wagner, Prelude to Act III Of Lohengrin (a.k.a. Elsa's Procession to the Cathedral). Probably my favorite tune in the whole world. The second I want is Procession of the Nobles by Rimsky-Korsakov.

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  8. I used to semi kiddingly say to stuff my corpse in a zoom bag, put on my Randolph sunglasses, cigar in one hand, bourbon in the other, play some ZZ Top and have a party 'cause I have had a good, lucky life. But more recently when asked by The Persecutor where I wanted to "rest" I answered "put my ashes in The Central Kentucky Veterans Cemetary." "But you don't know anyone there" she said to which I replied "I know everyone there." Discussion ended; it's been quite a ride. regards, Alemaster

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    1. "I know everyone there."

      Yes, we do, don't we? (Same feeling I have in any military cemetery.)

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  9. Just a thought. Pick a bad song(s) that nobody really likes. That way no one will come to hate a really good song after hearing it at your funeral. My Mom picked a favorite hymn and it gets played at least once a year in Church. It leaves me sad and weepy every time I hear it.

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    1. Ooh, I like that. Fits in with a conversation I had with The Missus Herself over the holidays:

      "If I get really sick over Christmas, ya know death bed kinda sick, keep me alive to at least late January."

      "Why?"

      "I don't want to mess up anyone's Christmas."

      So pick a song no one likes, interesting psychological move!

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  10. Since I won’t be hearing what’s played, I really have no preferences. For a funereal atmosphere, though, no one does better than the Irish, so I might offer Danny Boy, or The Parting Glass. Fields of Gold sung by Eva Cassidy is another possibility.
    https://youtu.be/9UVjjcOUJLE
    Pachelbel’s Canon is also suitably somber for a funeral, I think. My all-time favorite bit of music, though, is the 1990 Caracalla version of Nessun Dorma sung by Carreras, Domingo & Pavarotti.
    https://youtu.be/nAZa2do8dYI

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    1. That was me.

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    2. The Parting Glass is awesome. "Something Irish ..." seems fitting.

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    3. Good to know (Google protecting our identities again).

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    4. There are so many beautiful pieces in the classical world: I'd add to my offerings, Albinoni's Adagio in G minor, and Bach's Air on the G String. I could rest peacefully listening to either for all eternity....

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    5. Colo, Pachbels canon has been one of my favorites since I heard it in a college social studies type class. One of the best classes I ever took. Lots of other classical ancient history learned in there.

      Bear Claw

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  11. Do me the courtesy I have done my enemies in the past, strip me of weapons, equipment and valuables then leave me to rot where I fell! Let the locals burn my body when it starts to stink! When you're dead you're dead damn it, you've either moved on to some other place (or not) and that's all there is to it. Wafa Wafa, Wasara Wasara.

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    1. "Who dies — dies, who survives — remains."

      It works.

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  12. Just the standard Orthodox Christian funeral using the Slavonic Typicon.

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  13. Burn me and toss me in the trash, I ain't here no more.

    If'n there is a funeral, bleh, hates them I does, but if, then Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings, or Mozart's Requiem, or the Estampe's Palastinlied. Maybe Beethoven's 7th or his Requiem in D Minor. Maybe some JS Bach's Little Fugue in D or something like that, pipe organ of course. Gotta be something solemn and gloomy but with some hope.

    But, really, scatter me, toss me, I don't care.

    I have promised Mrs. Andrew that if she passes before me, I'll scatter her and her two dogs' ashes in the Smokey Mountains. Probably cry all the way there and back, too.

    Did I mention I hate funerals?

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    1. No one likes funerals.

      Somehow I picture you laid out in a Viking longboat, fully armored, surrounded by the skulls of your enemies. The fire is lit and the boat pushed out into the fjord while the rest of us line the shore, drinking vast quantities of ale and mead, while howling at the moon.

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    2. OAFS, that sounds like a proper funeral!! Drop me a line and I will attend.

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    3. Waste of wood. Maybe a ship-barrow mound on some windswept, rainy location. Of course, the entry being blocked by the bodies of my enemies I took down while dying... Double-plus if there's a barrow-wight associated with the barrow.

      Mead, yes. About the only alcoholic drink I'll purposely drink. That and plum wine, which does not go with a ship/barrow mound.

      Funeral feast must have lots of roast pork, pork sausages, boiled pork, fried pork, beef of all varieties, some fish, maybe some fowl and bread, lots of bread.

      Of course, if I actually do die and my friends, relatives, underlings do want to send me off in the appropriate way, a good Christian burial with, hopefully, my left leg tucked under my right knee (signifying that I went on Crusade) and a feast (picture the feast in Errol Flynn's "Robin Hood" when Errol/Robin comes in with a deer (actual real dead deer) into the feast hall to pal around with Prince John and others.

      After all, I'm Norman and not Scandinavian.

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    4. BillB - If Beans drops, I'll let you know. (Heaven forfend!)

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    5. Beans - And you do know the derivation of the word "Norman," yes?

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    6. Yes. Vikings with a condo on the Riviera. So? They were, as a whole, quite educated, above the level of the normal French. And were staunchly Christian, and were also penny-pinching before the Scots were.

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    7. So you scratch a Norman and you get a Scandinavian, but one more thrifty than a Scot.

      Wow.

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    8. I'm up for a good Nordic/ Norman funeral. Either way, camaraderie... Funerals are for the living... the dead don't care. My Dad sits on a bookshelf (ashes) while I try to come up with a "warrior" sendoff into the Pacific Ocean. Maybe I need to sneak down to the Midway (he served on her) and sprinkle ash from her fantail, or perhaps chuck his urn off the Golden Gate (which I've been under more times than I've been over) I just don't know.

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    9. Well, he has nothing but time doesn't he? Wait for the right moment, then you'll know.

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  14. Miss Jeanie and I have decided on giving our bods to the University of Florida (Go GATORS!). The service comes and gets us, cuts us all up (that should be a laugh for some twenty something!), cremates and returns a box in approximately six weeks. Then we go to some nice tree that needs some nourishment, or whatever the kids desire. We are not there. “To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord”. If anyone talks about me when I’m gone, I hope they have in hand a nice glass of eight year old Bacardi (really!) or some Kim Crawford SB or best of all some 2021 Pinot Noir from LaVerne Vineyards.
    This sounds flippant upon re-reading, but it is true. Just consistent with my own personal weirdness. Jesus allows us to relax about all of this.
    Music could be “He Lives” and “I’ll Fly Away!”
    https://youtu.be/tQ29PPC059c

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    1. Well, once you've shuffled off the mortal coil, it is all rather academic isn't it? There's a reason they're called "remains." Elvis (the soul) has indeed "left the building."

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    2. Dave that's funny to me. My Father/Mother-in-Law set up to donate to a university as well. He hated the funeral industry because it's a racquet that plays upon the grieving. His words not mine. Zero cost and yes remains returned after cadaver study. I was lucky, I loved them both dearly. Two of the finest people I ever met in my life.

      Bear Claw

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  15. One tune I would like played and sung at my funeral/requiem would be the Anglican Hymn "Saint Patrick's Breastplate" (I bind unto myself today...). And I want all 7 verses sung. It is based on an ancient Irish hymn that, while it may be newer, is attributed to Saint Patrick himself. It is about protection on travels. At my second marriage, the tune it is normally sung to, St. Patrick's, was a musical setting for the bridal procession. The particular parish did not want Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" used.

    I endorse Bean's recommendation of Mozart's Requiem. I sang in the chorus at a performance at the Episcopal Church of the Heavenly Rest in Abilene, TX back in the early 80s. It is a favorite of mine.

    Another piece of Christian music is Gregorio Allegre's "Miserere mei, Deus". Originally only sung on Ash Wednesday in the Sistine Chapel before the Pope, it is a musical setting of Psalm 51. It is another one that I have sung. I consider it the most beautiful piece of Christian music written. Go listen to a setting of it by one of the English a cappella choirs.

    Any of the last two would have to be from recordings; I have the CDs.

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    1. It just struck me, but Eternal Father Strong to Save works for me as well. (If they can't find a piper who knows The Flowers of the Forest, which would be odd indeed.)

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    2. BillB I have eaten at the Bee Hive in Albany many times, I hope you have as well. The two brothers that own it have a great life story.

      Bear Claw

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    3. There is much that is interesting, and historical, in Texas.

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  16. (You probably have heard this one). A piper promised to play "Amazing Grace" at a funeral burial. He got lost and was very late. Getting to a rural church, there was only a big truck and workers smoothing dirt over the fresh evacuation. He jumped from his car in full kilt and regalia, then marched back and forth playing his heart out bringing the workers to tears. Finished, he quickly got in his car and left without a word. The foreman wiped the tears from his eyes and told his crew "I've been installing septic tanks for thirty years, and this is the first time one was honored like this."

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  17. The Parting Glass as performed by The High Kings while an appropriate dram is shared by all

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  18. it passed my thoughts lately:
    https://youtu.be/23kapykPyEg

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  19. Hey Old AFSarge;

    I had thought about "Sleeping In Light" From Babylon 5
    https://youtu.be/znNciln7qwY

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    1. Oh, good one Mr. Garabaldi. Christopher Franke's music on Bab5 is so underrated. It is also soooo very good.

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  20. So is it what you would like to have played? Or is it what you have planned, as in written it down as instructions for the family to follow? Make it easy on them, or give them something to focus on instead of their grief?

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    1. Yes, I need to write all this down, like in a will.

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    2. My older sister couldn't deal with the funeral planning after our mother died, asking me to handle it all. I did, and it was actually a good distraction, and it helped me be the rock of the family that was needed at the time. I wonder if I should plan everything to make it easy on my wife and kids, or let them decide, providing them with the same distraction that I look back upon gratefully.

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    3. Never thought of it that way, but it's not a bad idea.

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    4. I think one should provide guidance to the family. By this I mean let your wishes be known RE: cremation vs. traditional, private internment vs.VA, celebration vs.memorial service, etc. As a pastor for many years, I found that the question “What would papa want?” Is one of the most asked. I believe that writing down or discussing these few things relieves a lot of the pressure at an already stressful time.

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  21. Dad was suppose to be buried at ANC 26 Jan. But the VA even screwed that up. Double booked. New date is 6 April. He died 13 Nov.
    Anyway, I've asked the band to play the following: Rock of Ages (Dad would sing that on long road trips), A Mighty Fortress Is our God, What a Wonderful World, still trying to find piper to play Flowers of the Forest.
    We rolled Grandma Kuhns out to Stars And Stripes Forever! (She saw Lt Com Sousa (USNR) conduct the Marine Band during WWI) and Hail to the Redskins (she use to watch the Sammy Baugh in Griffith Stadium). We played Sinatra's version of My Way at Mom's funeral.
    May I suggest the following for consideration?
    Land of Light: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nztQBK_8hAc
    March the Hero Home: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaaWb_vTy4o

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  22. We have friends and family at Arlington. Conveniently in the same section. Because of my Uncles combat awards he rated the full boat; it was impressive, the Old Guard did the Army proud that day. It was a time when they were doing four an hour( Iraq was pretty spicy then, hence friends in the same section) but you wouldn't have known it. A cold and rainy day; we repaired to an Irish pub in Alexandria at my Aunt's suggestion and spent the afternoon being family. I'd be hard-pressed to think of a better way to do it.
    Boat Guy

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    1. I know a couple of nice pubs in Alexandria, most fitting.

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    2. Murphy's. O'Connell's. Four Courts. Alas, Ireland's Own is long gone. Ah, the hours spent there.

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    3. And don't ye know I've been to Murphy's? A lovely place.

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    4. Actually t'was Murphy's. There's a plaque noting a namesake KIA on 9/11.
      Bride and I spent the afternoon there after our legal wedding in the company of our lone unindicted coconspirator.
      I reminded younger son that we (like my Uncle) had a tradition of doing our duty and coming home in one piece. He didn't need to be valorous like my Uncle, but did need to do his duty - which he did not long after, and did come home in one piece thankfully.
      Boat Guy

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    5. We did a memorial meet there for Lex a couple of years ago.

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  23. I will read the comments above.
    I took scans of everything my parents had in the basement about 10 years ago. A few were of his silver star, bronze star and others from Vietnam. You need one of those to get buried in Arlington these days. My dads parents are there and he'll be there in time. The citations were lost in the final move and I had to find them in my pictures files to send to the folks running Arlington. Don't let the medals lie fallow. It's only thanks to Chaplain Dave Harvey that I have mine still. After the divorce I pretty much kicked everything to the curb.

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    1. HMS frame them with his picture in the middle as my father did with his brother. We lost him In Persano, Italy in 43. Buried in Nutunno American Nat'l Cemetery. It's on my bucket list to visit one day.

      Bear Claw

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    2. There's a site online that has Silver Star and MoH citations if you need one.
      BG

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  24. That is beautiful, I am partial to Amazing Grace but I love the pipes, have for many years. It's the sole reason I love St. Paddy's day.

    Bear Claw

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    1. My maternal grandmother was born in Scotland, came to the States around the age of 12. She never lost her accent, and she never lost her love of Scotland, which she passed down to my brothers and me.

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    2. Dad was stationed on the Gunston Hall in Holy Loch, late 60"s. I developed a Scottish brogue, to my Mothers' horror, (lost the brogue) love the "Pipes", "Scotland the Brave" (on the pipes) is one of my earliest and fondest musical memories... strangely... I remember "Yellow Rose of Texas" trumpet instrumental from the same time, funny what you remember.

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    3. Too bad, losing the brogue that is. 😁

      I so love the bagpipes.

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  25. ps Tell your family what you want.

    It sounds morbid but had I not asked my Mom what she wanted to do when she was battling cancer I would not have been able to answer when the pastor asked my Dad what we wanted to do. My brothers were present as well. It gave me great pride to know the answer. She said what ever Dad is going to do. My Dad and oldest brothers ashes reside on the hillside near the marker for the three of them in a ranch pasture where my Dad was born on the prairie.

    That was over 30 years ago, I to this day would give all I have to tell her how much I loved her just one more time.

    Bear Claw

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  26. I saw this some time ago from France. Very moving, the French do this kind of thing VERY well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqdqV2Llsuc If the link doesn't come through it was the funeral of two French commandoes killed in Burkino Fasso.
    Retired

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    1. That was very moving.

      May Cédric de Pierrepont and Alain Bertoncello not be forgotten.

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  27. Ft. Snelling, I suppose, several family there. Or Leavenworth, with Mom and Dad, but that's far from Marti's family.

    Marine's Hymn, Eternal Father (with Marine Verse), Waiting in the Light, Taps, long silence, ... to exit, Woody Herman's recording of "My Favorite Things", up and light and I played it as the theme for a decade as the jazz DJ Dane Erricksvon.

    And there was that horrible music sting they made, everyone got "It's The Great ... airname!" which was used long after that theme was over, of course. I hope there's no copy anywhere.

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  28. "Fanfare for the Common Man", I'm a common man who has had an uncommon life. And "Sympathy for the Devil" as he has no idea who's showing up.

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  29. How could I have forgotten Highland Cathedral? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yj_3scEyVoI
    It even has lyrics. https://youtu.be/H9H2nvaw9zE
    And with organ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea18o3Tz9Fw

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