Life is short, do it now - Rob

(Source)

So yeah, took an hour or so off from work on Wednesday to say farewell to my next door neighbor, Jake. Picked up The Missus Herself and we went down to the funeral home. I felt that the graveside ceremony should be reserved for family, so we didn't plan on going to that. We didn't.

First thing The Missus Herself noticed was the simple, closed, pine box. Some ancient memories were pinging deep in my mind but nothing popped up to answer her perplexed look, Korean customs being much different than ours.

On the drive back to work, it struck me, the simple pine box, the closed casket, traditional Jewish funeral custom. Jake having parents who survived the Holocaust, it all fit together.

I rather like the closed casket custom, out of respect for the deceased, better to remember them when they were alive than seeing them dead. I refused to go to my paternal grandmother's wake as I didn't want to see her lying lifeless in a coffin. She was a vital part of my young life and we were very close.

This was not a childish thing, I was 18 and in college when she passed away, nevertheless my parents were both pretty angry about it. Still I did not yield, and I did not go. The funeral itself was closed casket, I often wonder if my attitude had anything to do with that. Had it been open casket, I would not have gone and I made sure everyone knew that.

At any rate, I never saw her dead, in my memory she is still alive and always will be. I never saw my paternal grandfather lying lifeless in a coffin either, I was on Okinawa when he died. Though my sergeant and my commander facilitated me going home on emergency leave (not a normal thing for a grandparent's death, it's up to the commander), I didn't make it back in time for the funeral. So in my memories I remember him when he was alive.

My maternal grandparents, I remember them lying there, lifeless and cold. I still regret that, but they died when I was older and somewhat wiser. So I went along with convention. But I will never, ever forget that, and still regret it.

My Dad, same thing, but I had to be there to say a final goodbye to the man who had a lot to do with who I am today. But I can remember him dead, it gets harder and harder to remember how he was alive. The last two weeks he spent in the hospital, in a morphine-induced coma, doesn't help.

So yes, I like that Jewish custom and think it wise and fitting.

On a not-quite-separate note, my favorite band, the Foo Fighters, have a new album out which deals a lot with grief and loss. The front man for the Foo Fighters, Dave Grohl, having lost his Mom and his best friend over the last year or so, the album was greatly influenced by those two deaths.

Oddly enough, I suppose to some but not to me, I still grieve for my little cat, Anya. The album has actually helped me in that grieving process. One of the songs on the album, "The Teacher," written by Dave Grohl, Rami Jaffee, Nate Mendel, Chris Shiflett and Pat Smear, about Dave's Mom, who was a teacher really hit me the other day.

With Rob's comment from yesterday, which provides the title of this post, this line from the song really struck home -

Try and make good with the air that's left

Countin' every minute, livin' breath by breath

By breath, by breath, by breath, by breath, by breath

It's all you can do really ...

And you should do it now, before it's too late.

Peace, my friends.