Conehead

 So...There I was...A brand new 1st Lt, fully checked out in the F-4D in my first Operational Fighter Squadron, the 80th TFS, AKA The Juvats.  I am crewed with a WSO who's got about a thousand hours in the F-4 and will, upon PCS'ing from Kunsan  be attending Fighter Weapons School.  For reasons that will become clear in a bit his tactical call sign (the Fighter community's equivalent of a "nickname") is "Conehead".

Now, the provocation for this post's subject was this picture posted by Sarge a couple of days ago.

Source

As the Fighter cognoscenti around here know, that is a picture of an F-4D.  The WP on the tail is the identifier for the 8th Tac Fighter Wing (TFW) also known as "The Wolfpack".  Sarge and I are alumni.  If you will notice at the top of the tail is a yellow stripe.  That indicated the jet was assigned to the 80th Tactical Fighter Squadron.  AKA The Juvats.  

There's a reasonable probability that I have actually flown THAT aircraft, especially as I get deeper into this story.

So, anyhow, my check ride is passed, I'm now a Mission Ready Fighter Pilot.  Which is all well and good, but I don't have an awful lot of experience.  So, the good news is I get on the schedule quite a bit.  Technique only, but it would be nice to actually hit what I'm aiming at with a bomb, before I have to do it for real.

But, since there isn't much for a WSO to do on a conventional range ride other than count off altitudes during a bombing dive, Conehead would be playing around with the equipment.  Which brings us to that picture.

If you notice on the spine of the airplane is what looks like a towel rack.  That is actually a LORAN antenna (LORAN stands for LOng RAnge Navigation).  Essentially it's a highly (at the time) accurate radio signal that can position you over, say, a target.

Now, while we're transiting to and from the bombing range, Conehead is playing around with the LORAN.  After a few rides and spending a lot of time in the books, he's basically figured out how to work it.  

Koon-ni Range is just to the left of the S in South and just North of the Bay that's unofficially known as "The Running Man".  Excellent Radar return in case you get mis-located*.  The circle to the NW is a small rock that's used for practicing bombing with "Sunrise" emulation weapons.

Conehead goes and briefs our Squadron Commander, callsign "Batman" who eventually approves the test. 

Because we have no real way of knowing how accurate the system will be, we elect to drop on Koon-ni Rock.  A few miles of water to absorb a miss might be a good idea.

So the day rolls around, we launch as a single ship,  Lead has aborted with no spare's.  (Thank you Jimmuh Cahtah.) It's just me and Conehead.   We go through dry just to step through the procedures and make sure things are working as desired.  No problems.

So we head back down south and arm up for a live drop of a practice bomb.  For those of you in the know, the practice nuke bomb is a MK-106 practice bomb.

  We'd be dropping it from about 20K, then do a 180^o turn and get the heck low and as far away as possible. So, there we are...First attack run, approaching the release point.  Conehead finds the "target" and locks on.  We go through the drop procedures and feel the weapon release.  I start to roll the jet to begin the egress maneuver when I happen to notice something just off the wing.  It's a blue bomb.

This is a practice conventional bomb, very little drag.

It's flying formation with us.  Well, crap, we need to watch where it lands to make a report.  About this time we go through a very wispy thin cloud deck and as we get through that, I'm clearing our flight path.  Framed almost perfectly in the gun sight is a large oil tanker.

I might have said something along the lines of "Aww, Feces," or maybe "Aww fornicate", and call Conehead's attention to the object off our right wing flying formation with us.  I also advise him about the tanker.  Conehead, being in the back seat can't see out front, so I describe the problem.  

We continue flying formation with it and the tanker is getting bigger.  Finally, I pull out of the dive and watch the bomb hit the water maybe a football field behind the tanker.  We pass overhead and leaning on the rail of the aft deck is a crewman from the tanker.  As we pass overhead, we could clearly see his very wide eyes.

Needless to say, we RTB'd as expeditiously as possible.  Shut down, and scurried off to Batman's office.  Explained what had happened.  The Wing Commander got involved. Conehead and I got to expend a lot of time out in Mobile Control making sure our fellow aircrews remembered to put their landing gear down.

 

Came to find out that the SUU-20 bomb dispenser had just come out of maintenance and the release sequence had gotten mistakenly switched around on the chassis.  It had released a slick bomb instead of a high drag.

We were forgiven, although with a stern warning that we would not be practicing LORAN deliveries again.

Conehead was crushed. I was grateful.

I ran into Conehead in  the Pentagon just prior to retiring, we related that story to the gang that Friday evening in the Bar in the back of the Fighter Pilot Mafia office.  Got a few "Aww Feces" as well as some chuckles when we retold that story.

Peace out y'all

*A Fighter Pilot is never "lost", temporarily "mis-located" maybe,  but never "lost".