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| Soldiers of the 100th Infantry Division (U.S. Army Signal Corps Photo - Source) |
A couple (or three) of very busy weeks: his and her colonoscopies (normal results all around, I'm happy to say), a trip up north to visit my Mom for her 93rd birthday, and just far too many days of not enough sleep because I am unable to turn my freaking brain off long enough to really go under.
It is nothing for me to wake up at 0300 and seriously think about getting up and starting the day. Then I realize just how groggy I'll be come 1600 and I go back to sleep. To lay there thinking about things:
- work
- the book (which one? - we'll get to that)
- what to do come the weekend?
- gee, shouldn't I be practicing the drums?
- hey, when am I going to read the five books in my backlog
- wait, what was that ...
Had a very bizarre dream the other night where someone had redesigned the human-machine interface on the ship. (Yes, I do dream of such things.) Toss and turned the entire night wondering:
- Why did they move that button?
- Why do I have to go to three separate displays (on three different workstations) to perform a single action?
- What idiot designed this mess?
- How did I get stuck testing this?
Und so weiter ...
As for "the book," what do I mean by that? Well there are four in the "haven't finished those yet" category:
- There's this, which is a modern day horror story of the US government inviting the UN in to help govern the people who are pissed off that their rights are being violated, or just plain ignored. That was meant to be a short "rant" of sorts, which escalated into ... I don't know what it is, as I didn't finish it, I don't really have any plans to finish it either. I got it off my chest so there, I'm done.
- There's this, my tale of life on the frontier during the early days of the French and Indian War. Which I wanted to expand to a full book, but which just sort of fizzled out. I thought the last couple of episodes in the series were half-hearted and poorly written, so I dropped it. I might, mind you "might," finish that someday.
- Then there's this one. This is Part One of the Prequel to Almost a Lifetime, The latter is mostly edited but finding the time to finish the editing and push it out for publication requires a lot more time than I have available right now. Part One, the writing of the story that is, is finished, now it needs editing. Lots and lots of editing, but first I need to go through the blog and capture each and every episode of that tale in a single place (MS Word is the standard pour moi) before the editing can really begin.
- There's also Part Two of the Prequel to Almost a Lifetime, which I stopped working on earlier this year (I think) and needs to be finished. Not sure where I'm going with that one. I feel like I'm writing a semi-fictional novel of WWII in four, no five, maybe six, parts. Keeps me off the streets but ... (Note that I was too lazy to search out the link for the first post in that series.)
So yeah, there's lots going on plus I have an actual life (sort of) and a job which requires my presence four days a week and which pays the bills. (Pays rather well actually, gives me lots of disposable income for fun things.)
Confession-time: I'm not getting enough rest, which makes me cranky, I've been snapping at people (uncharacteristically) lately. But hey, it is what it is ...
So that's what's going on. I've sent the Muse off on an all-expenses paid vacation, told her "come back when you feel like it." Mistake? Perhaps.
Anyhoo, that's where we're at.
We'll see where this goes.
I'm at my wit's end.
Persevere .
ReplyDelete"We thought about it a long time — ‘Endeavor to persevere,’ ” “And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union.”
Delete2K - Roger that.
DeleteJoe - The Outlaw Josey Wales
DeleteI'm in my seventies and retired for over three years and I understand too well the sleep issues. I don't have a lot of projects but no matter how tired I feel, my head hitting the pillow fires up my brain. Some of the content is inane and some important, but all prevents and delays sleep. Wish I had a solution for you, I'd use it for myself.
ReplyDeleteWeird innit? When I was younger going to bed was like flipping a switch, turn the brain off, sleep. Now the lights just flicker a bit, then stay on!
DeleteWhen I wake up at 0230 or 0300 or 0400 or .... these days I lay back down and close my eyes until the sun is up. I'm not sure I really sleep but it's hours later and I can stay awake for the day.
DeleteThat's how my weekends are. I figure when I retire I'll be like a cat, sleep when I feel like it, wander around in the middle of the night, then curl up in the sun during the day. Come to think of it, that seems like an idyllic existence.
DeleteAh Sarge, it seems you're wanting to drive a hundred miles in an ICE equipped vehicle that has only a one-gallon gas tank, kinda hard to do. Need steady sleep, long enough. Try to concentrate on ONE writing project perhaps instead of spreading your efforts. Good to hear the clean out procedures came out well for the both of you. Guess it's pretty easy to offer advice to another........... :)
ReplyDeleteAh, if only it was that easy. I guess I'm not happy unless I have a billion things all going on at once.
DeleteI've found that if I'm awake at oh dark (as I am now) and thinking about all that kind of stuff, I might as well get up, put on the coffee, and start the day because I'm just going to lay there thinking about things and beating myself up for thinking about them and not sleeping.
ReplyDeleteTake all the time you need, your health and sanity take precedent over everything except God, Country, Duty, and Family.
Which is what I did this morning when I awakened at 0500. Figured, "Well, what the heck, might as well start the day now."
DeleteAmen to your last.
Dang it! Sometimes my phone gets my name, as it did just now, and on my "persevere" quote, and sometimes I have to change from Anonymous to my name, as I thought I had done with this.
DeleteAh, the wonders of technology.
DeleteSir,
ReplyDeletethank you for the insight.
Right now I feel very selfish and quite like "Der kleine Häwelmann" because I, too kept shouting "more, more, more!".
Please do whatever is necessary to maintain your health, spirit and sanity.
I wish you all the best for your well-deserved furlough and many sources from which you can recharge your batteries.
Kind regards and "Alles Gute" from Germany!
Mein Gehirn ist ein kleine Häwelmann! It does demand excessive attention and (as The Missus Herself says) I do have the mind of a ten year old.
DeleteDanke, Martin!
Go and get some well earned sleep.
ReplyDeleteAh, if it was only that easy.
DeleteSarge, try "combat naps" through the day -WHEN you feel the need. I slip off in my recliner for 30-ish minutes mid-afternoon and it seems to help.
DeleteSo does praying: especially in those midmorning o'dark- thirty times. I say the Lords Prayer and give it "all" over to God; promising to do my best when I can.
THANK YOU Gor all of your output so far. Please let us know if we can help.
Boat Guy
I've tried the combat naps thing, it bothers my co-workers when I start snoring. 🙄
DeletePrayer certainly doesn't hurt!
Take time and get plenty of well deserved sleep.
ReplyDeleteThe time I will take, the sleep part? Probably over the holidays.
Delete"A change is as good as a rest." Sometimes. Too much change can be as bad as no rest at all. Take your break. "Sweeping out my mind", I call it. "Having coffee with Pippi Longstocking." Sweet dreams, happy chores.
ReplyDeleteWe'll see how long this lasts.
DeleteCrusty Old TV Tech here. Yeah, same here, work craziness, and disabled automotive work at home (and finishing up a bathroom rebuild at home) are making me crazy too. Time for a Veteran's Day pause this Friday, I think. Remember the great-uncle who died in one of the last skirmishes of WW1, since it will be the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month. Remember the service rendered by family and friends, and those I do not even know. Get the good hooch out and toast them. Recharge a bit. And figure out if that broken exhaust valve spring means the valve is bent, and the head needs to come off or (HOPEFULLY!) not later in the weekend.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that automotive stuff, never a good thing to have a vehicle down for maintenance.
DeleteThe book back up.... pick a day, pick a SINGLE BOOK (if you have troubles picking THE book, stack them up and take the 3rd one from the top!), find a comfortable spot and do some reading. Lose yourself in the story. Make that your job for that afternoon or morning or whatever.
ReplyDeleteThe muse will return when she's ready...patience....
I read constantly, it's just that I "see a book, buy the book." Which explains the backlog.
DeleteSarge, I think another (perhaps underrated) issue is that you are dealing with heavy things. Death, War, the collapse of nations and the outcomes flowing from that - all of these are depressing issues (one recalls, somewhere, that George III referred to Edward Gibbon as "that depressing man"). So it makes sense.
ReplyDeleteThe sleep thing - I have no idea. I am working through the same thing myself with no better results and often like you, wake up and 0300 and have to "convince" myself to go back to bed.
Whoa, now that you mention it, this is some pretty heavy stuff. Perhaps dialing it back for a bit is a capital idea.
DeleteGetting old ain't for pussies. 5 hours sleep for me, doesn't matter if I start at 9pm or 2am, 5 hours later, I'm up.
ReplyDeleteAs for your taking a break, go for it, your writing is worth waiting for. Now that you have The All Important's permission, relax and enjoy, guilt free.
Nah, it ain't.
DeleteTaking that break in 5... 4...
Oh dear friend - I hear you on all of it. As @Toirdhealbheach mentioned above - the current state of the world, and our own country, add to the mental burdens we all carry these days. Trying to find a good "work/life balance" that suits YOU is a tough thing to do these days.
ReplyDeleteThat said - I was struggling with some of the same sleep issues. A friend recommended I take some Melatonin. I poo-poo'd it for the longest time until I couldn't take my own semi-insomnia anymore. VOILA! I take "Olly - Immunity Sleep + Elderberry". The dosage suggested is 2; I take just one every night, about 20 minutes before I plan to turn out the light. 6 nights out of 7 I get a great night's sleep and do NOT wake up with any sort of hangover. I get them from Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B087GKVST4?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
Hhmm ...
DeleteMight give that a shot.
I also suggest the Melatonin. Start with a low mg dose, as you can take multiple pills to get the right dosage. If I take 1mg, I'm gone for 8 hours, but then again, I usually don't have trouble sleeping. Wife takes 4mgs and it slows her mind down enough she can ignore low level pain and pass out. If she wakes up in the middle of sleep she can take more.
DeleteIt's not a magic wand, but just stuff your body normally produces and a tad bit more can help a lot. Or not. Depending. Worth a try.
Exposure to light at night can be a problem. (According to something I read ...)
DeleteGuess what? I got used to sleeping with a small light on in the room so I could tell one cat from the other. One cat, Sasha, might jump up on the bed and be perfectly fine with me petting her, usually. Or she might be in one of her "don't touch me" moods. Then you might lose an arm, at least lose some blood. (Anya was never a problem.) So the light was on for IFF purposes. Now that both cats have passed on, it might be time to turn that light off.
Hhmm ...
Keep the light on - you are used to it. I keep a bedside lamp on, and a (wind up) pendulum clock that chimes half hours and 1-12 chimes on the hour. Along with a wind chime by the heating duct that tinkles when the forced air comes on. Can sleep through all of them. If awake, they are comforting and relaxing. Also select a book that is mildly interesting, but totally unrelated to what you are doing to read if you can't sleep. The urge to rest your eyes for just a moment comes quickly.
DeleteI guess I'm just wired funny. Lots of good suggestions to day, probably keep me awake trying to pick one! 😁
Delete"...to sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there's the rub..."
ReplyDeleteHeh! a dream? another new story line. gotta get up and kick the muse awake as well.
BTW. I'd really like to know: when do you stop re-re-re-re-editing and send it off for publication?
I've got a bad case of "If I tweak it just a tiny bit more, it'll be perfect."
or do you find a good commercial editor? How?
I tried one of my middle-one's friends who works as an editor for a womens' magazine and she said, "this'll never work: it's got no sex!"
Need help, I'm almost that desperate.
Ah yes, the old "If I tweak it just a tiny bit more, it'll be perfect." syndrome. I suffer from that as well.
DeleteThe plan is to publish via Amazon, commercial publishing houses "meh."
TNX
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteHang in there, Boss, we’ll be here when you get back. To be frank, I’ve been amazed at the content you’ve put in print. Both the quantity and quality are amazing. We’ll be here when you get back.
ReplyDeleteOne question. Drums???
juvat
He does have that electronic drum set. At least it's not bongos or other simple skin drums, since he doesn't sound like he's going hippie on us.
DeleteI have one too, but I don't knock the dust off it often enough.
Deletejuvat - I'll be around, just not very productive. As to drums, see Beans' comment.
DeleteBeans - At no time will I be "bangin' on the bongos like a chimpanzee." (What's that? Hawaiian noises ...)
DeleteTuna - How do you like your electronic kit? Enquiring minds and all that ...
DeleteWork nightmares... Hates them, hates them I does. Still have nightmares from former jobs.
ReplyDeleteAnd pay attention to the 'someone redesigned this stuff' nightmares. May be precognitive.
Other than that, it's almost the holiday season, time of fruitcake and eggnog and leftovers. Take it easy.
Re: 'someone redesigned this stuff' - it's a very real thing. Someone who has never been aboard a warship thinks, "I think it should look this way." If he/she is a member of the favored clan, then it gets implemented, until the Navy says, "take that shit out, NOW!"
DeleteDoesn't happen as much as it used to, but it does happen. Hence the bloody nightmares.
The muse helps with your book, but if she's out, random brief musings are perfectly acceptable here. But remember, you're your own boss at The Chant and we're happy to be fed scraps, feasts, or nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think we're in for a "feast" of short musings and memes. I might have Over-G'ed my brain over the past couple of weeks.
DeleteElectronic drum set? Not looking that up. Have tams and bongos from circle-work, synth and harmonicas and tin-whistles. None of which I play well. No. All of which I play badly.
ReplyDeleteMy electronic drum kit is very nice. Doesn't take up a lot of room, the volume can be controlled, and it sounds pretty good.
DeleteAs good as a real kit?
No.
Hizzoner was a big fan of "Talk amongst yourselves" when the well was dry.
ReplyDeleteAs noted above, writing of dark and stormy knights in bouts of violence is a draining and depressing chore. (Yeah, you do it exceedingly well, but the price is high.)
More musings, fond recollections of the chair force- maybe the A/C was not quite right one day, or the chow hall ran out of steaks, or other lows or highs from your adventures in those off-shaded blue suits? Maybe you can make Phantom phyxers chasing stray trons interesting or intelligible to non-techies.
Family stuff (within the limits of privacy of course) is fun to read, or brag about.
You find really great photos in your wandering about the net that add immensely to your stories. How about just a photo you find and like that does not fit a story. A picture and a paragraph- what it says to you, questions it asks, messages it sends, or a couple of biographical comments on the artist.
Most of us are convinced we get more than our subscription price on every visit here, regardless of what you are serving up that day.
John Blackshoe
All excellent ideas. I do have some old Phantom Phixing posts which a lot of newer readers haven't seen. So perhaps a rerun or three might happen. I especially like the photo idea.
DeleteThanks JB.
What John Blackshoe said--definitely feel I get way more than my money's worth every day...
ReplyDeleteSleep: How to get to: 1. take a long hard look at your caffeine intake. Yes, I know, you were in the Air Force and used to drink it by the large pot full...but that was back when you were younger and as ya get older, the body changes, and doesn't process stimulants like it used to. So, maybe cut down on the leaded coffee. Where sleep is concerned, a little caffeine goes a looong way.
2. There is something in the light from a laptop or desk top or TV that stops our brains from putting out the hormones that lead to sleep, so turn off the TV/computer/cell phone about an hour or so before bedtime to give your brain a chance to recover from all that light.
3. Yes, a dark, cool room, and warm suggly covers on a comfortable bed are vital.
4. When you can't get to sleep, and can't get your brain to turn off, do some slow deep breaths in for a count of 4 and then out to a count of 7-8. Just do it a few times, helps to get more oxygen into the system which can help calm everything down.
5. Talk to your doc, you can certainly try melatonin like Beans suggested, which is just supplementing what your body does naturally produce to help you go to sleep. Another over the counter one is Benadryl, which has the side effect of making you sleepy...helpful when trying to get to sleep, but some folks feel tired the next morning on it. Or my favorite is just an extra strength Tylenol, which helps with all those little aches and pains. And if your brain doesn't want to shaddup and go to sleep, I lay there and imagine being in my favorite place, and filling in all the minute details--sounds, smells, feeling the breeze, birdsong, a visualization which usually works for me, after having practiced it for a bit. I just put the brain to work doing something boring so it will go to sleep. Or I put on one of my favorite you tubers and just listen with my eyes closed...but I'm guessing the Missus wouldn't approve of that.
But turn off the monitors/screens about an hour or so before and see if that doesn't help.
There is certainly nothing wrong with taking a break, and coming back feeling refreshed. I wouldn't worry about having several half finished books hanging around, I'm guessing most writers do, and besides, they can be projects to work on after you retire.
Suz
Sound wisdom, all of it. Now to put it into practice. We shall see, we shall see.
DeleteThanks, Suz.
Re the light from things like TVs, computer screens, cellphones (computer screen!) and including LED bulbs that causes problems is the blue wavelengths they emit. It upsets melatonin production. Good old incandescent bulbs don't emit strongly enough in those wavelengths to cause problem
DeleteThe only bulbs I allow in the bedroom are incandescent.
DeleteLet the muse take her vacation. You two have had some prodigious output lately. It could wrap up right now with the death of the Eminence and be a good tale.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bill.
DeleteIt’s all good, step back and take a deep breath....relax, clear your head....and now dammit focus on the objective....if it was easy everybody would do it.....
ReplyDeleteYES SIR! NO EXCUSE SIR!
Delete😎
Time doesn't matter, output doesn't matter, good people do matter. Just be easy on yourself.
ReplyDeleteThanks, BadFrog. Will do.
Delete