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Praetorium Honoris

Saturday, February 10, 2024

Driving ... (Part the Third) - Close Encounters of the Police Kind

(Source)
So, There I Was¹ ...

Heading up to Andover, back in the days of my exile, upon a Sunday afternoon. All I wanted to do was get to my hotel, check in, then watch some football before spending four ten-hour days testing combat systems.

Some miles short of my exit on I-495, there is a big truck having trouble keeping pace with traffic. He comes upon another big truck having the same issue. After the two decide to have what the Germans call "an elephant dance," I see an opening in the far left lane of a three lane highway. I scoot over and blow past the elephant dance at a rather high rate of speed.

Moments later I am a mile short of my exit and there are pretty flashing blue and red lights astern.

Damn.

'Twas a Massachusetts State Police trooper and I was in his sights.

I sighed and eased Big Girl² off to the side of the highway and awaited my fate.

"Hi, where are you headed in such a hurry?"

It was an older trooper, a lieutenant as a matter of fact, I was pleased, it was not some young rookie with a chip on his shoulder.

"Headed up to Andover, well actually Tewksbury where my hotel is. I work up here in Andover four days a week. I'm out of Rhode Island, on loan to our facility up here."

"What do you do for work?"

"I'm a computer guy."

"Ah, so you're the guy who messes up my computer?"

Shooting him a peeved look, I said, "Certainly not, if anything I'm the guy who tests the system before it goes out the door. I'd be the guy fixing your computer."

"Ah, I see. You know you were going pretty fast, right?"

"Yessir, trying to put some distance between myself and a herd of assholes back there around Lowell. There were two idiot truckers 'racing' each other. Everyone else was competing to see how slow they could go."

At that the trooper chuckled.

"Well, I had you at close to 95, try to keep it down around 80 like everyone else. You have a good day sir."

"You too, and thanks."

With that we went our separate ways, a decent chap, just doing his job trying to keep the highways safe.

Now I'm not going to say I've never gotten a ticket before, because I have. Two as a matter of fact, only one of which was "earned." That one was in Virginia going down U.S. 13 on the Eastern Shore. Again I was trying to get past a trucker who would only go fast when it was safe to pass him. Blew past him and there was a sign indicating that the speed limit was now 45 and I was going 75.

Damn.

There was also a sheriff sitting right there. He pulled me over and asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"Yessir, I do."

I guess he was waiting for me to say something else, but as nothing was forthcoming he asked for my license and registration, which I handed over.

Some minutes later I was the proud possessor of a speeding ticket. In all truth, the guy could have jacked me up for reckless driving as I was a good 30 miles over the limit when I went past him. He probably didn't because he didn't have his radar up. Dodged a bullet there.

The other ticket was received for "driving with long hair."

In the town where I worked just after my first year of college there was a local cop well-known for his dislike of "hippies." (Which in Vermont in the 70s was any male with long hair.)

I was heading home in my Dad's Dodge pickup truck, which looked something like this ...

This is a 1964 D Series, Dad's might have been a little newer.
(Source)
The old girl was reliable as hell, but I doubt she'd get much over 55 mph going downhill with a tailwind. The speed limit where I was pulled over was, you guessed it, 55.

Anyhoo, I'm headed home when about three miles outside of town I look in the rear view mirror to see the flashing red and blue lights of a police vehicle.

I pull over and look in the rear view mirror, damn, it's the "hippy hater" hisself.

"You know why I pulled you over, boy?"

Pausing a moment, I looked at the guy, "Nope, no idea. Sir."

"Well, you passed a school bus back there in the village with its lights flashing."

I thought for a moment, no way that was possible, school got out long before I got out of work. So I took a deep breath and said, "I don't think I did. Are you sure about that?"

"Well, you were also doing 65 in a 55 when I pulled you over."

Rather than get into some big stink I just sighed and said, "Well, what now?"

After handing over my license and registration and sitting there fuming, the guy comes back and hands me a ticket for doing five miles an hour over the speed limit.

I took it and looked at him, "Really? Well, you have a nice day. Sir."

One more police encounter then I'm done. Well, this was a security policeman on Okinawa and I wasn't in a car.

A buddy and I were headed to work after having dinner in the chow hall. As we started out, we noticed that if we didn't hot foot it, we would be late. So we starting running.

As we ran the damned bugles started tootling (when I was on Okinawa the damned things were going off all the time, reveille, pay call, chow call, retreat, damned things were always going off). When that happened you were supposed to stop, face the music, and present arms.

We were only half paying attention so we kept running. Not far from the shop we heard someone yell, "You two airmen! Stop right there!"

So we did, heard the music then realized what was happening. We presented arms next to a fuming security cop. When the music was done, he actually took our ID cards and frog marched us to the security shop, just next to the road as I recall.

Once there he was reading us our rights and gloating like he'd just caught the freaking Rosenbergs selling secrets to the Russians. Then his boss walked in.

"What's going on here, Staff Sergeant Smith?"

"I apprehended these two airmen not stopping to render honors."

The Master Sergeant looked at us, saw that we each possessed a single, lonely stripe, and asked, "Is that true?"

My buddy quickly answered, "We were running late for work, had to run to get there on time. Didn't realize what the music was."

"Where you boys work?"

"18th Avionics Maintenance Squadron."

"Flightline, huh? You guys still on 12-hour shifts?"

"Yessir." we both chimed.

"Smith, gimme those IDs."

Smith did so, reluctantly I might add.

"Here you go guys," handing us our IDs, "if you get any grief being late for work, have your boss call me. Now git!"

Off we went, we could hear the Master Sergeant berating the guy who jacked us up. From that day forth my opinion of the Air Force Security Police went way downhill. I know some of them were good, but most of them were, as juvat once said, nothing more dangerous than a 19-year old with a beanie, a badge and a gun. Not many possessed much in the way of common sense.

Later events in Korea made me despise them even more, but that's a story for another day.

So there ya go, your Sarge, Your Humble Scribe, scofflaw and part time rebel.

Sigh ...

I try to be good, really.





¹ SJC applies.
² Big Girl was my 2005 blue Honda Element, gifted to me by The Nuke, when she decided to upgrade her ride.

38 comments:

  1. Thanks for telling the tales Sarge, at our age past events qualify for tales........:)

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  2. I was station in Hawaii in 1987 at the CG Air Station (Barbers Point), during my first week there I was pulled on 3 times on different bases for speeding ( was new, they gave me verbal warnings).
    I went out & bought a radar detector.

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  3. The last time I got a ticket was at least 20 years ago as was because I failed to "merge" into a turn lane fast enough. Turns out the sign was hidden by roadside vegetation which no-one could see.

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    Replies
    1. Oh yes, signs in the vegetation, I've seen that, well, haven't seen the sign, but saw the vegetation.

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  4. Replies
    1. It was a fine vehicle, many adventures were had in it.

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  5. I've noticed that , in general if you give attitude to an Elli-o you get attitude from an Elli-o. There are exceptions, but with ~800,000 of them you are going to have the occasional jerk, just like any other large population.

    Last time I was stopped - expired tags because I needed to get work done to pass smog and hadn't been able to afford it - officer asked if I knew why I was pulled over, told him "Expired tags" and gave him the story, and that I had an appointment with a shop the next day to get the work done (Year end bonus shot to hell), he asked for proof. By happy happenstance that morning I had received confirmation (You want confirmation? THERE'S your confirmation!") I had received a text from the shop confirming the appointment both email and text. I asked for permission to reach into my belt pouch to get my phone, pended it up, handed him the phone with the confirmation. "If you hadn't had that I would have written you up. Have a good day." I wished him a boring shift and offered a fist bump (never try to shake hands with a cop at a traffic stop).

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    Replies
    1. Some are good, too many are badge heavy, most are just doing their jobs the best they can.

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  6. "Fridays With Frank" on YT is one of my favorite weekly stops. Pinal County, Colorado. His encounters with motorists are mostly quite amusing. His latest: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYCvAF-ss60
    BTW, he's unfailingly affable and courteous. This one seemed to get close to his limit of tolerant affability, though.

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    Replies
    1. I do like police videos, a lot. Thanks for the link CC!

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    2. I forgot to mention, Frank has his own fb fan club page:

      https://www.facebook.com/groups/187254450687007/permalink/373331232079327/?mibextid=S66gvF

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  7. Crusty Old TV Tech here. Yeah, cops. I told the story a while back about the peaceniks who got all the way into a hangar at Griffiss one Thanksgiving, being missed by various and sundry patrolling SP's. In college, I was heading back one Sunday evening, eastbound on I-20. I'm in a 1967 Ford Anglia that could do 70 only if you thrashed it like you didn't own it (and I did), and weren't afraid of the engine grenading that would follow. Tooling along around 60 in the right lane, I feel a whoosh of air as an 18-wheeler blows past me with his lights off, must have been doing 75. This, back in the days of the NMSL ("55 saves lives!") scam. Not long after, I get lit up by a Webster Parish, LA sherriff's deputy. "Did you know you were going 75?". "No officer, I couldn't have been, this car's redline in 4th gear is 70". "Better get that redline fixed kid! Here's your ticket!". Still remember the fine, $75, back when that was big money, AND having to report to the Webster Parish courthose in Minden IN PERSON during the week.

    Yep, Juvat's assessment of the constabulary is spot-on, AP/SP/MP/LE/local departments, seems the same old thing.

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    Replies
    1. It ain't always fair and balanced, that's for sure.

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  8. I was once pulled over for driving 10 miles an hour in a 7 mph speed zone at a.gov facility. When the security officer asked for my badge and paperwork, I gave him my visitor pass and registration. He said he was reporting me to my CO. I laughed, I was a civilian. He got mad and told me I was losing my driving privileges on site. He escorted me out the gate and when he went to take my visitor badge I told him to call ADM.XXX and tell he why I was not able to see him today. He had a Come to Jesus moment and got me to my meeting going much faster than 7 mph. Some people learn the hard way.

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  9. Stolen from another forum:

    "Recently, the Chula Vista, California Police Department ran an e-mail forum with the local community (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing." One of the civilian e-mail participants posed the following question:
    "I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"
    From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) Sgt. Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor replied:
    "First of all, let me tell you this...it's not easy. In Chula Vista, we average one cop for every 600 people.
    Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing. The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents.
    At any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty.
    So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents
    When you toss in the commercial business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.
    Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass.
    This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring.
    What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass.
    The tools available to us are as follow:
    PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment.
    "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.
    Another popular one: "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.
    CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no driver's licenses and the like.
    It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light.
    Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.
    RUNNERS: Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours to determine why they didn't want to talk to us.
    STATUTES: When we don't have PHONES or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Codes, etc...They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.
    After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them.
    Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It's a really cool system that we've set up, and it works pretty well.
    We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they pay us to "harass" some people
    Next time you are in my town, give me the old "single finger wave." That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can't harass me." It's one of our favorites.
    Hopefully sir, this has clarified to you a little bit better how we harass the good citizens of Chula Vista. "

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  10. Joe Lovell Supremes and I agree the single fingerwave is a first amendment protected free speech.

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    Replies
    1. Why yes, yes it is.

      So is waving a red rag at a bull. Choose your battles carefully, mate.

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    2. And a Hobbie Cat has right of way over an aircraft carriers. But sometimes it's wise to not exercise that right.

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    3. Those who challenge a larger vessel will often not get to do it twice.

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  11. As Fuzz (D4) I have a thousand tales to tell. I shall select some of the shortest.
    Firstly, my first born - blue-eyed and blondish of fuzz, couldn't make it to the flight line through AFROTC 'cuz of eyes not being 20-18. Chose being a police officer instead. Spent thirty years at the San José PD and retired, now a fraud investigator for Santa Clara County. Took my fair-haired one, they did, and changed him. Now, not a conversationalist. Now, a little suspicious of everything. Now, still, the joy of my life.
    Checking out at Davis Monthan AFB in Oct of 1964, I had occasion to speed somewhat after saluting the person who at that time, guarded the Base. Circling the flagpole, at 2 Gs I was signaled to stop by another vehicle, all blue, with some yellow signage on the doors. As I complied (a senior First lieutenant, was I, learning to be wise), A large man met me in the space between his plain ride and my sporty two seater. Eagles on his shoulders and somehow not in the best of moods, Chappy James (base CO) allowed as how I was not in my newly checked-out-in Phantom, I was on his road. And to please refrain from high speed turns. Did I mention he was not in the best of moods?
    Here are the first of several. Fuzz.
    PS, anyone heard from VX?

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    Replies
    1. I know of no one else who can claim to have been pulled over for speeding by Chappie James himself. That's quite a tale!

      I grow worried of VX, haven't heard from him, or of him, in quite a while.

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  12. There is an apocryphal tale of a ND farmer from somewhere north of Grand Forks needing a crucial combine part in Fargo in the middle of harvest with bad weather moving in. Pulled over by the ND Patrol on I29 for very excess speed and given a ticket, he asked the officer to write him
    a second one. "I'll be coming back in a couple hours, and I don't want to waste time stopping".

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  13. Over the years I've received several tickets. Back in the day, you didn't automatically buy 'assigned risk' insurance, you needed to earn your way.

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  14. I enjoy going fast, and have paid for it a couple times. Not crazy dangerous fast, just a the top of the "9 you're fine, 10 you're mine" area, and I've gotten caught a few times just over that. I have been successful at getting out of them several times though, the Mil ID card that comes out as I pull out my license often helps. And when I was pulled over by a former Navy Airframer turned Maricopa County Sheriff. He accepted my excuse of missing the sign as I turned off of I-10 to Rte 85. The P-Cola cops didn't like ticketing us flight students either (2x) Only 2 tickets over 40 years is a pretty good run.

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  15. I had the pleasure of watching an encounter between a CHP and a young driver. They had pulled into a gas station where I was fueling up. Chip had pulled the kid over for something minor, I think it was something like tail light. Usually no big deal. Often it;'s just a "Hey, your tail light is out, you need to get it fixed" verbal warning. At worst you get your fix-it, get it fixed, go show the cops and get it signed off. The way I read it the Chip was going to just tell him to get it fixed. But the kid gave the Chip an attitude. Chip asked him for license, registration, and proof of insurance, kid kept his mouth running. Chip asked him to step out of the car. Kid kept being mouthy. Chip pulled out his ticket book and started walking around the car, writing stuff down. Kid kept it up, Chip kept looking closer and closer at the car. Finally the Chip said, "Kid, I can keep writing for longer than you can keep talking."

    The car looked like it was a work in progress to becoming a lowrider, and the Chip found at least a half dozen little things - lights, mirrors, windows tinted too dark, etc. Nothing major, just cherries on the sundae.

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    Replies
    1. Giving people grief is almost never a good idea. Be nice, act nice, until circumstances say otherwise.

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  16. Hmm. Problem is I don't seem to have entertaining encounters with officers. (A couple of years of volunteer ambulance driving, I met many officers, so I learned not to speed. Mostly.)

    We'd just bought a new-to-use car, an eight month old '85 Mazda 626 Touring Sedan. Previous owner told us she couldn't have three babies, this one had to go so she could have more room for her coming twins. OK.

    So I'm qoming home from work at about 0200, dry, no traffic at all, I've got a four mile downhill straight across the bridge. I open it up to 90, oh so sweet. Damn. Pulled over, park. Officer takes license, walks back to squad, returns. "How fast, and why?" 95, new-to-me, see how it handled, dry, no traffic. Stupid of me. He steps back, looks, says "Turbo?" No. He sighed. "Is there a safer place, time, circumstance ... and straight? Don't do it again, Mr. Trites." I won't, Sir, limit's 70 "Good. Safety ... fast!"

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Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)
Can't be nice, go somewhere else...

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