Bloons*

 I know, I know, it's Sunday, not Monday.  Sarge's not giving any advance notice of going blog AWOL will upset my knowledge of WTF day of the week it is ,badly.  You see retired life means every day is Saturday, except Sunday which is Church and Blog Writing day (CBW day for those raised in the acronym world).  So every other day is CBW plus X.  So, that day that you working stiffs celebrate the arrival of (i.e. TGIF) is merely CBW +5.

So...Forgive me if I'm a bit out of whack this week.

A while back, I'd had been sitting in my easy chair reading a book when I feel my stuffy nose begin to run.  Pretty shortly there after, I feel a drop release (yes, Beans, as I'm reaching for a tissue EWWW!) and splat on the page.  Unfortunately, it is blood.  

Important note to self, when nose is bleeding, blowing it is ill-advised.  Bleeding continues, so Mrs. J issues an edict to call the ER and describe the problem.  Come on Down!.

Pack it with gauze, pinch it shut and set up an appointment the next day with an ENT MD.

Dab it, the ENT MD said, the following morning.  Somewhat late to the fight.

So, during that enlightening visit, the blood vessels in the offending nostril get cauterized.  Which sounds much worse than it was.  A bit of numbing spray in the nostril, then a bit of cauterizing fluid.  Problem solved.

Then they did a cat scan of my sinuses which discovered my right maxillary sinus, as opposed to frontal, ethmoid or sphenoid sinuses, is almost completely clogged.  (OT, Why couldn't doctors name them Cheek, Forehead, Eyes Front, Eyes back? I guess that's why they make the big bucks.)

So, Doc, what's next? 

Well, juvat we're going to do a sinuplasty.  (juvat, stop using those big words, we know you fighter pilots are limited to words 4 letters long! Yes Sarge.) Well, what he intends to do is stuff a balloon up my nose and into the various sinuses and inflate it.  This will force any crap (See Sarge? Four letters) in there to drain out. Some of that will be sucked out by a vacuum (Hoover I believe), a lot will go down the throat.  

Oh goody, when can we do this?

It happened Thursday.  Like most things in life, the anticipation is the hardest part and I was reasonably surprised when his nurse checked my blood pressure as part of the pre-op process to see it was only in the mid-120's.  

I'm sure I was told what the thing on my forehead was for, However...Haven't a clue. Yes, Meds have taken effect

That might, just possibly, be due to the Valium dose I was told to take 1 hour prior to arrival, however.

The procedure itself was interesting.  And much less stressful than the level I had worked myself up to imagining.  Pain?  Not so much, well within tolerance.  Worst was the lidocaine shots to numb.  Couple of interesting parts of the process were the sounds as he inflated the balloon.  There were quite audible cracking noises.  He'd warned me that would happen, but I didn't think to ask him what caused them.

Cowardice under fire, juvat?  Perhaps.

I had my eyes closed for the entire procedure on his recommendation.  Fluids doncha know?  So, the other interesting thing was when he was working on the sinuses around the eyes.  I could actually see a change in the darkness of my eyes as he moved the balloon around.  He said this was caused by the pressure in the sinus causing a slight change in the sinus size which put additional pressure on the fluid in the eyes.

Who knew?

The whole thing took about 30 minutes.  After which, extensive verbal instructions were given to, and promptly forgotten by, me.  Fortunately, Mrs. J had not taken any of the various relaxants/pain killers that I had and, as usual, was able to take charge and keep me out of trouble.

The one thing I remember him saying, was that recovery could take about a week and would involve stuffy/runny nose as the primary symptom. He said it was extremely important during that week not to blow my nose.

He is right about the stuffy/runny nose part.  However, I'm learning that my Parent's instruction in my formative years to blow my nose when it runs is ingrained very deeply in me.  It is extremely difficult to feel my nose run, reach for a Kleenex and, as I'm putting it to my nose, remind myself to "Dab, Don't Blow!

If I've grossed anyone out, Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.  I'll do better tomorrow.

Peace Out, Y'all!

*Bloons TD6 is my go to game when I'm waiting/wasting time.