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Praetorium Honoris

Sunday, November 26, 2023

Two (old) Movie Reviews - Reviews from... the FUTURE

 Yes, I am now in control.  Of what?  Who knows.  I sure don't.


So because the WAGs and SAGS and, for all I know, the Wompenags, were ON! STRIKE! for unknown reasons in this wonderful economy where inflation is about three times the official government reported level, as witnessed by all the food price increases and lack of food sales (when a store normally has regular sales of lots of items, and has over 30 years, suddenly to not have the same items on sale is very suspicious) over the last three years (wonder why... not), there has been a dearth of television drama and comedy this fall.  

So we at the Beans' household (Mrs. Andrew (Bean's wife,) aforementioned Beans (moi) and Kegan the wonder dog (we were told by a reputable K9 DNA company that he'd get 85lbs, so we wonder why he so far has maxed out at 135lbs (no silly euro-metric scales here, bubs and bubbettes, it's all old American Freedom!! units)) have been watching, when we watch, old tv shows (on DVD, no commercials, new murder-death-kill crime shows ("The First 48" is the best) and DVDs of various movies.

We've watched the traditional favorites like "True Lies" and all the Clint Eastwood westerns and cop movies and lots of Nicholas Cage movies, and have come to some old ones.  Of which we must speak of now.

First is a movie much beloved of women back when it came out in 1981.  Which is "Arthur" with Dudly Moore, Liza Minelli and Sir James Gielgud.  A wonderful story of man meets woman and falls in love with said woman.  Unfortunately, Arthur is a drunk.  And an ass.  And a jerk.  Hasn't worked at a job one day in his life because his family is rich.  His family wants him to marry Susan, who is the daughter of a new money millionare, whom Arthur doesn't like. (well, to be fair, nobody except the script writers really like Arthur.)  And then he falls in love with a shoplifting waitress and... yeah.

No.  I don't. Wish I was Arthur, that is.
Have his money? Yes.
Live his life? No.
Read below why I say so.

Other than Sir John Gielgud, this movie stinks like yesterday's fish left out on the counter during a heatwave.  I mean, all Dudley does is act drunk, showing that his character had no redeeming characteristics and acts drunk all while knowing his family's money will allow him to do whatever he wants (like driving while drinking hard liquor.)

The only reason I can see why women like this movie is that the poor (shoplifting) waitress 'rescues' the drunken schmuck rich boy and will live happily ever after as she and the audience are left to believe that Arthur will finally stop drinking now that he has found true love.

Buharrrfff.

I am of the firm belief that the same women who think Linda will save Arthur are the same women who love "Freebird" even though the song Freebird firmly tells the women that, no, the singer is not going to change, he's not going to do anything different and he's gonna dump your butt when he wants and can.  Doesn't stop women swooning over this song.

Again, Hobson (Sir John Gielgud) is the best character in the whole movie.  Why?  Because he is the only one that treats Arthur like the fly-covered turd that Arthur is.  And he's Arthur's butler.  The closest person to Arthur.  The only one who can or will tell Arthur the truth.  And he dies halfway through.

Wife loves this movie.  So do a lot of other people.  I think the movie would have been better if the movie was just a long version of the 'slapping the hysterical passenger' gag from "Airplane" with 'Arthur' as the slappee.

Hates this movie.  With a burning passion most associated with eating too much low-quality Taco Bell.


On the other hand, the next movie is a fantastic WWII action adventure rescue flick, based on a true story, with real WWII equipment and uniforms and stuff, with lots of big-named stars, released in 1963 and made by Disney no less.

That is... "Miracle of the White Stallions."

Yes, a Disney flick. So?
I also like the original "Snow White" and "Sleeping Beauty." Because they are very very good movies.

Whut? (referring to Miracle of the White Stallions.)

Yep.  It's about the Spanish Riding School (think Lipizzaner Stallions) in Austria at the end of WWII, and saving what they could from the Russians.  And the subsequent plea to the Americans to rescue the mares that were behind the demarcation line that became the real "Operation Cowboy" as authorized by Gen. Patton himself.  In other words, the Lipizzaner Stallions (and mares.)  (Operation Cowboy wiki:  Operation Cowboy - Wikipedia )

One of the stars is Eddie Albert (that guy from Green Acres) who sings German drinking songs in the movie.  And he's got a good voice.  Seems he did music theater for a living.  He also was a High Wire Aerialist and Clown in a Mexican Circus before WWII (actually, he was a US Army Intelligence Corps spy who was photographing German ships and U-Boats and other Germans that came to Mexico. 

And he was a war hero.  As a Lieutenant in the USNR, he was a coxswain of a landing craft at Tarawa, Bloody Tarawa, and rescued 45 stranded and drowning US Marines and directed the saving of 30 more while under heavy fire, for which he received the Bronze Star with Combat V.  (For those not in the know, Tarawa Bloody Tarawa was a cluster-copulation due to a variety of errors, like not getting the tide tables correct, so there was exposed reef for the first wave to have to cross and then high tide started coming in (thus many marines drowning and needing to be rescued.)

Even better, the battle segment has actual SS equipped troops using actual German camoflage, German rifles and machine guns, the famous MG42 seen on both a fixed heavy mount and set up as light machine guns using the built-in bipod (you can tell they're MG42s due to the sheet metal square-cross section guard over the barrel,) and a 7.5cm Pak 40 anti-tank gun. Soo friggin cool.

The rest of the German stuff, from locomotives and rolling stock to trucks, wagons, uniforms, decorations, actual castles and locations (like the Spanish Riding School in Vienna, Austria) and, of course, the Lipizzaner stallions, clothing of civilians, is spot-on.  (Wish modern movies paid as much attention to period details.)

Oh, the Lipizzaners... These are a sub-breed of Andalusians (from the planes of Andalusia in Spain)(thus the 'Spanish Riding School' thingy) that turn white as they mature, starting out as black and turning dapple grey and then white.  And lots of action scenes of the horses doing their stuff, dancing, jumping, strutting, just being beautiful horses..

Seriously, if you can catch the Lipizzaners, whether from the actual Spanish Riding School in Vienna, Austria, or the copy-cat American version, you gotta go.  I've seen them once as a kid and twice as an adult and loved them every times.  These are real warhorses people.  Real frigging warhorses.

The American equipment is just as great as the Kraut/Austrian stuff.  Real M-24 Chaffee light tanks, jeeps, M8 Greyhound armored cars, M20 reconnaissance cars (an M8 with the turret removed,) M7 HMC - Priests (105mm howitzers on an M3/M4 Medium chassis) and M37 HMC (105mm howitzers mounted on an M24 light chassis.)  And rifles, and uniforms and such. 

By now juvat's eyes are glazing, so I'll just tell him in words that he'll understand.  Lots of targets and lots of not-targets.  Got it, juvat?  Hit the targets, don't hit the not-targets.  Yeesh, so simple even juvat can understand it.

In other words, horses, Nazis, Americans, real history, real issues, horses, tanks and guns and stuff.

Made when Disney could actually make a good movie.

Highly recommend watching it if you can find it.


Otherwise, have a Happy Thanksgiving weekend.


And remember, the original Thanksgiving was giving Thanks to God that the Pilgrims actually survived their brief foray into communism, and after ditching said communism they became good farmers and produced actual crops.  Not bad for a bunch of city folk that got disinvited to stay in the Netherlands and were prepared to hire themselves out as a military force to natives and other colonists from England but landed in the wrong place and tried to make a go on land that the previous tribe (that died out due to combat, poor land management and disease) had left in poor poor shape.

22 comments:

  1. Beans,
    I gotta admit, you had my attention when you mentioned "the planes of Andalusia in Spain". Who knew?
    Other than that, Mrs Lincoln...Interesting post. Can't disagree with your assessment of "Arthur".
    juvat

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  2. Can remember seeing that Lipizzaner movie when it first came out but a ten year-old mind didn't register all the details you provided in this post Beans. At least I have plenty of memories of pre-woke Disney productions. Especially liked your last paragraph....... :)

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    1. I remember seeing "Miracle" as a kid, at Kwaj, in the free (and very air conditioned) movie theater. Was so excellent.

      And then I discovered later that many people have never seen it. Weird.

      Disney did a bunch of movies in Europe in the 60's, including one based in 'free' Berlin as kids discover a tunnel to 'commie' Berlin. Very good movie also.

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  3. Beans, good job! I remember both movies and concur in your assessments of them. I well remember the second, even though I've not seen it since I was a lad; perhaps the DVD will go on my Christmas list, be just the thing to watch with grandkids.
    I also agree not only with your description of the circumstances of the first Thanksgiving, but the purpose of the modern observance. Times are indeed tough - and about to get much tougher. Nice to have these little communities of the cognoscenti, even if virtual.
    BZ, Boat Guy

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    1. It's not a bad movie to have in your 'grandkid movie pile' lineup. And it's decidedly non-woke and full of truth. Shows the murkiness of WWII (that not all Germans were bad guys and that the coming Russian waves were not all good guys. Patton was right, of course.)

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  4. Beans, interesting how movies age over time - I can barely remember the plot of "Arthur" and having seen your concise discussion, have no need to see it again. It is amazing how much schlock was put out then - but also how many good movies came out then (as opposed to these days, when good films seem few and far between if extant at all).

    I have never heard of the second movie - but yes, it does sound good (and authenticity - I place a high value on authenticity). As it turns out, Kirk Douglas also had a fair set of pipes in "20,000 leagues Under The Sea".

    I have never seen the actual Lipizzaner stallions, but have been to their facility.

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    1. Even worse about 'Drunk Stupid Guy' is that they made a sequel, where he loses his love because.... he's drunk. And then he has to try to get her back or something. I think I watched about 10 minutes of it one time and my brain locked up and refused to register the existence of the rest of the movie.

      Disney did a bunch of good live-action flicks during the 60's that were subtly very anti-communism. And some not so subtle. But that was back in the day when Walt was in control and he was not very subtly anti-communist.

      As to Kirk Douglas, yeah, that man was crazy wacky good. In the movie "Longships," there's a scene where his ship comes home and the crew extend the oars out the side and start running on them, from one oar to another to another. Kirk, being Kirk, actually ran them and did it very well. Sad they took the story of "The Longships" (also known as "The Story of Red Orm") and beat the snot out of the plot in order to make it something that it wasn't.

      And the Disney "20,000 Leagues" was a pretty good abbreviated adaptation of a very very long book. They got the sub wrong as it was, in the book, a long cigar-shaped cylinder with the propeller being the whole rear end of the sub. Jules Verne did an excellent conjecture on the shape of future subs.

      If you have a chance, and they are touring in your area, and you have the time and the cash, it's worth it to go see them. The show is not fancy modern special effects. It's just horses and all their movements.

      Very envious of you seeing their facility. I missed out on going to Europe as a kid, as Dad retired before pulling a tour in Europe. If he had been posted there, we would no doubt have seen Vienna and the Spanish Riding School because he was big on educational vacations (in California, we did a lot of visiting old Spanish missions and other neat stuff.)

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    2. Beans, I wonder if Arthur's popularity had something to do as well with the Title song by Christopher Cross.

      Sadly, my age bracket was a generation behind the original release of most of the live action movies. We would have caught what was on The Wonderful World of Disney (back when it was actually wonderful). I was in the awkward post-Walt crossover phase with "Escape from Witch Mountain" and animated films like "Robin Hood" and "The Rescuers" (both which hold up well, I might add).

      Vienna remains on my top five cities in Europe simply because of the history.

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    3. Hate the song, too, I do. Just most everything about that movie irritates me.

      Disney really screwed up in not showing more of their live-action stuff on "Walt Disney Presents."

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    4. THB, sorry to recommend you NOT go to Vienna until it has been cleared of the mohammedist infestation. Of course that applies to most of Europe save Poland, Hungary and Czechia.
      Boat Guy

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  5. The second movie is a long time OAFS favorite. A pox on that first one.

    Nice post Beans.

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    1. 2nd one, very good. Excellent. Great in so many ways.

      The first? I have no earthly idea how it became so famous and sold so many tickets. Then again, I never got Dudley's appeal. I mean, every character is the exact same, drunken stupid inane jerk. And yet girls swooned over the midget. Weird.

      Glad to post. And it's interesting to see how all the Chanter Posters (except LUSH) have stepped up to fill your void. Wait, that sounds weird, like we're stuffing you for to prep for shoving you in an oven or so.

      Hope the Laptop issue has been resolved, will be resolved soon.

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  6. Lipizzaner's are amazing animals. Loved the movie. Spain also has a breed called Paso Fino that are beautiful to see and watch as the tap dance across a platform. Saw them a couple of times at horse shows. Magnificat animals.

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    1. Ah, the Paso Fino is a beautiful animal, but watching a Lipizzaner strut is a sight to behold.

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    2. Do understand that the various Medieval Times shows around the country feature Lippizaners, if you want to see any IRL.

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    3. Yeah, but then I'd spend all my time internally screaming about the bad food and bad clothing and bad armor and bad jousting and it's just not worth it.

      I think it's cheaper to get a ticket to an actual Lipizzaner show than to do a night at Medieval Times. And bonus, you can then go to a good restaurant and not attempt to eat MT's concept of what 'medieval food' is. (Having sampled medieval food, albeit made with modern food sources and modern cooking methods, medieval food, especially feast food, isn't as boring and simple as what they serve at MT.)

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  7. Never saw "Arthur", was stationed in San Diego at the time and seems that is was playing at theaters for 3 - 6 months. Pre video rental days.
    Also recall a movie that was popular at that time and also did not see, "Heavy Metal" It was also at San Diego theaters for what seemed forever. Had hit song "Takin' a Ride" by Eagle Don Felder. FM radio station KGB played that song a lot!
    Jim

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    1. Radio KGB. Heh.

      Heavy Metal is a good movie for its time. The animation is janky compared to modern times, but it's funny and nasty and loud and, well, a good movie. It's worth a check-out if you like French animation (movie is based upon the Heavy Metal magazine, which was a French sci-fi mag but translated into English. Compared to your normal tame American comic, HM is definitely heavy.

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  8. I've liked Arthur, but I was 12 and thought his antics were hilarious. Haven't seen the stallions movie, but it looks pretty good. Sounds like Eddie Albert was quite the hero, and while I have been on Tarawa, it was a ship, and not the island. Your description does remind me of "The Pacific" which I recently finished. Most excellent.

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    1. The Pacific Theater was just butt-ugly. Tarawa, Bloody Tarawa was a combination of "What can go wrong, will!" Bad tide tables, too much reliance on reloading landing craft (that got blown out of the water on the first), lack of critical supplies delivered in the second wave, lack of proper bombardment, too many trees left standing, too many buildings left standing.

      After the Gilberts but before the Marshalls, more emphasis on amphibious tractors, critical supplies delivered ASAP, preparator y bombardment (both naval and by taking outlying islands before the main invasion and turning those islands into massive firebases) and proper measuring, using subs for infiltration, to measure the tides, all changes that made the Marshalls a cake-walk, albeit a deadly one, in comparison to the Gilbert islands.

      As to Arthur, WC Fields did drunk in a way I found funny. Dudley's acting was just too forced and over the top.

      Eddie Albert was quite the hero before and during the war. And he got to act with Zsa Zsa. Not a boring life at all.

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