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Praetorium Honoris

Sunday, March 24, 2024

I'm Tired ...

Apollo and the Muses on Mount Helicon
Claude Lorrain (PD)
Once again the Muse has gone missing. She has apparently decided to take a longer break than usual and honestly, I can't say I blame her.

After weeks of telling myself how much I enjoy my job and "I'm not ready to retire yet ..."

I kinda wish I was retired right now.

But uncertainty in the world, especially in the United States, gives me pause. What happens in November? Will we seriously become a banana republic as some people claim we already are? (No, I don't believe that, neither should you, yet.)

But as I approach 71, I grow tired of getting up four days a week to grind it out at my desk. Sure, I only work 32 hours a week. Sure, I get a three day weekend every week. But ...

I ran into a guy at work that I haven't had the chance to talk to in quite some time. He's a fairly senior guy, young to be in such a position, but he's so damn smart that it's not a surprise. He gets stuff done and, as he is an engineer, he understands engineering. Unlike many senior folk who are most certainly not engineers.

It started with a simple, "Hey, how's it going?"

"I'm good. You?"

"One day closer to retirement." (Which seems to be my mantra these days.)

"Oh, have you picked a date yet?"

"No later than the end of the year." (FWIW, I used to say, "the end of the year.")

Rather than just the two of us having a little chat then moving on, we started talking about retirement. (His father retired some years back, but he worked longer than most. He too was a talented engineer.)

The thing is, while I do have those three day weekends, every week, it always seems that once I do the things which need doing, I always think of starting up some hobby-related activity, but I always say, "Well, by the time I get going on that, I'll have to go to work." In other words, I'm greedy. I want all my time to be just that, my time.

We chatted about that, he gets it and he really helped me to "get it" as well. It was a good conversation.


Some seriously crappy weather on Saturday, heavy rain, high winds and rather cool. Though it was in the 50s the wet causes the cold to go right through you,

The Missus Herself and I had a nice meal at a new-ish place in town. It's Peruvian themed, I'm guessing it's a theme rather than straight Peruvian fare, I could be wrong. But the food was pretty good. We both agreed that we'll go back.

But at dinner I looked at my wife of forty-six years and said "I wish I was retired."

She got something of an alarmed look at that statement as I've said many times, "End of the year."

Not only do I want myself to think hard about this, I want her to do so as well. After all, without her I have serious doubts as to where I'd be these days. Whatever success I've had in life is because of her. So, it's something that involves both of us. So, we should both start thinking about it. Seriously.

There are days that I feel like Danny Glover's character in Lethal Weapon.

Seriously.




60 comments:

  1. I had "retirement" forced on me. Pneumonia ate my lungs... cytokine storm. I don't know my shelf life now, and I figure I'm one bad cold or flu away from a dirt nap. I live every day to the fullest I can.

    You have done more than any two people I know. I'd encourage you to retire, if you are fiscally able. HOWEVER.... have your next several steps lined out and on the calendar. Book publishing? Writing more? Drumming lessons? High performers clank up when they are faced with nothing to do. Several I've heard about that died within a year, usually from aimlessness. Maybe even consider a volunteer position, or visiting scholar in military history gig.

    You and your missus are an inspiration, and have been for a long time now. Get out there and live to the hilt.

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    1. Sound wisdom, STxAR. There's a lot to consider in the next few weeks and months.

      For now? Live life! Aye!

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  2. Time to get out. It's all well and good to keep grinding away, but no matter how good a grinding wheel you are, eventually you wear down to nothing. Or you get grooved, redressed, grooved, and may eventually just explode (I tell you, having a grinding wheel or disk explode on you is attention getting). I was at where it sounds you are not, telling myself, trying to convince myself, that I liked what I was doing, while in the back of my head saying "I hate this" over and over. I did QA in a small, but high end, machine shop, so it was interesting. Especially as I've had no formal training, heck, NO real training at all, in it. Got let go - I had missed something sort of obscure on a drawing and cost us a new customer- and while it made it tight in the finances, my wife says I'm a lot happier now. Less tense, don't get as irritated.

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    1. And that's something I don't want to do, miss something in testing that could wind up costing us and the Navy money. Or worse yet, lives!

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    2. That's another consideration, Sarge!
      I released myself from my Federal indenture five years ago next month and they have been full and rewarding years; time for travel, grandkids and helping my wife start her business.
      DO IT! Sooner rather than later! For all of the good reasons, another of which is that none of us knows when the clock will run out. I rather doubt anyone has ever said from their deathbed "I wish I'd spent more time at my job". I certainly won't.
      Boat Guy

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    3. I am getting closer to pulling the ejection handle. Talked to a friend of mine after church, she and her husband have been retired a few years now. She said that Tricare for Life and Medicare have more than taken care of any medical bills that pop up. Which is a relief to hear!

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    4. TCfL and Medicare have been more than adequate; and I've had some serious rebuilding done.
      BG

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  3. Lots to think about, expected income vs. current bills and possible new bills. My neighborhood is scheduled for street replacement beginning May, $6,600.00 cost to pay off or add to the property tax which has gone up 400% in the thirty four years I've lived here. Keep active too, walking is a good thing to quote Martha. The Missus Herself has serious thinking to do, hubby around 24/7 NOT at work? When all was said and done, I never had problems filling in my time Sarge. Couple of co-workers told me they wouldn't know what to do if they retired and I thought "how sad". These days I'm thinking of volunteering to be a driver for the VA, they have a hospital across the river. Helping others is good thing.........dang Martha......:)

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    1. Unless the Republic dies in November, my financial circumstances will be more that adequate, even if unexpected bills pop up. Three pensions is a nice thing to have.

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    2. Sarge, if the Republic dies in November, we'll be be gainfully employed and finances be damned.
      BG

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  4. Retirement is the best job I have ever had. If you can afford to do it then do it.
    Don't get to the point where retirement is synonymous with quitting because you are not happy. I was on the cusp there and should have moved to retirement probably 6 months earlier looking back but felt that I needed to stay around until some things were settled. They would have gotten settled without me as well as they did with me there, Also don't wait until health pushes you into retirement. Several of my friends wound up waiting until that and lots of plans and dreams scuttled.
    I worried about being bored, lonely,loosing my mojo, whatever. I found that I am way busier than I thought I would be and the longer I am retired the more I find that I don't like my time being taken from me by others. I use to live by my calendar not I hate when I see something on it other than a vacation.

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    1. My time becoming truly my time is something I need. Visiting the kids and grandkids more often is high on the list of retirement activities.

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  5. Volunteering seems to be in some people's blood. Helping others. Is it genetic, or family training, or .... "Why do you do that?" the shrink asks. I don't know. I see work that needs to be done that I can do, and I step up and do it. It's a reflex. SWMBO has said that she sometimes wishes I'd work as hard for myself, or us, as I do for others. I can see that as a fault of mine. If I'm busy doing for others, it's easy to ignore my own needs.

    Take the time you need, Sarge. We'll be back.

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    1. I've never been much for volunteering, some people are, I'm not built that way. But if there is a need for something to get done, I'll pitch in. Usually with my church, but once I retire? Who knows what could happen.

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  6. My first paying job was at age five doing chores for a widow. Now 79, I've worked all my life. Part of the reason is financial. Much of what I should have saved went to helping my children (custody fights, DUI s, housing). One son is functional autistic, another high functioning Asperger Syndrome. I don't begrudge one dime of it. The principal reason I keep working is it keeps me mentally young. Always there is a challenge. With your many interests I doubt you won't stay challenged.

    Single many years, I don't have a spouse to consider. It is good that you recognize what will change in her life. My guess is you are both smart enough to make it work for both of you.

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    1. God I hope so! (The Missus Herself is very smart, she's often rescued me from a misstep. Between the two of us, we should be good.)

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  7. Retirement thoughts...
    1) It's your life, your time...you have choices.
    2) Money, when you stop working that paycheck will stop...that may affect your life (or it may not).
    3) Day to day, are you happy with what you're doing?
    4) Being happy is THE goal. Are you?
    And for the last thought, it's back to number 1) ... this IS your life, your time. What do you want to do with it?

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    1. The paycheck won't stop (thank the Lord), it will just get smaller. Between that, the Air Force pension and Social Security, we should be fine. (And if I sell a book or three, well that's gravy.)

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    2. You'll certainly "sell a book or three" because that describes MY first order. Get with it, Sarge!
      BG

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  8. I highly recommend retirement sooner rather than later.
    You should do okay financially. One HUGE benefit we never thought about when young and fearless is that old Tricare for Life medical care for retirees. Basically ZERO cost for all medical care, less a trifling amount for some medications. You don't think about that until something major comes along and you can be a "million dollar man or woman" essentially for free. Best not to take advantage of that bennie, but sure is wonderful if/when you ever need it, as it preserves whatever wealth you have accumulated. Long term care is a slightly different story, however, should that be needed.

    Some olde pharts have zero interest outside of their drudgery work lives, and do indeed expire shortly after backing off from the grindstone. However, YOU have plenty of really great interests to pursue. You will find yourself busier than ever doing what YOU want, when you want, and when the Missus tells you it is okay. Write, travel, read, drum, wargame, do volunteer work, etc.

    Now, will you just walk out the door one day, or will you gradually turn over your work chores to some young whippersnapper? It would be good for your conscience to have a successor identified NOW, and begin the mentoring process and help them get up to (almost) your level of greatness at the job.

    Time to single up all lines, and prepare to get underway. BY the end of the year is very achievable. Perhaps something to be extra thankful for would be a good choice, before everyone goes into holiday slow down mode.

    You might let them know that you will be available for consultation work. But, at a truly obscene hourly rate, three times what you think is crazy expensive, but corporations spend hugely for consultants who know stuff. You know stuff!
    John Blackshoe

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    1. All that Brother Blackshoe writes! Do indeed single-up all lines; in fact take in #2 and #4 (IIRC) 3 and 5 will keep you from moving backward. Do indicate your availability to consult ( at proper compensation). My Dad did that for a number of years, then volunteered with the Coast Guard Auxiliary for 20 years; a life well spent.
      Mentoring your relief can be a good thing, BUT that's not necessarily your responsibility, please don't delay your departure a single minute because you can't turn loose. If you think you're indispensable, stick your finger on a glass of water and then withdraw it; if a hole remains in the water then maybe you are indispensable, otherwise pull chocks, take in all lines, whatever metaphor you choose, just get moving.
      A friend says "Don't let anybody tell you, you can't retire without a plan, I'm living proof that you can!". He's a pretty happy guy.
      Boat Guy

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    2. Not having to rely on Medicaire as health insurance makes your retirement much more enjoyable and much more doable. Wife is squarely in the middle of the 'donut hole' for prescriptions which means we have to spend $6,000 to get out of said donut hole. Seriously wish we had your health insurance.

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    3. JB - Copy all. One fellow at work, no longer on the project, talked about developing an OAFS 2.0, not that he put it that way, most of the folks at work don't know my "secret" identity as a blogger. I pointed out that we'd need to find someone in 1st Grade, inculcate in him (or her) a deep love of military history, strategy, tactics, logistics, weapons systems, etc., etc., then have them serve a 20+ year career in the military. But in truth, my job requires a huge helping of: paying attention when talking to the people who will operate the system, pay attention to the specs (what the thing is supposed to do and can it do it), and the rest is just watching the displays and knowing which buttons to push (and when) and knowing what's supposed to happen.

      Consulting work, I used to say "no way." Now I'm open to it but for what I do, if they can find someone who meets the criteria above, then they don't need me. Lots of folks retiring from the military meet the criteria, the corporate types just need to be receptive to that. (Having a college degree helps, but absolutely is NOT required. Soon as the corporate world figures that out, they, and the government, will save a lot of money.)

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    4. BG - Lines are singled up, all engines are up, sea and anchor detail is set, all I have to do is decide "when."

      I may not wait until the end of the year ...

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    5. Beans - From what other military retirees tell me, Medicare and Tricare for Life cover things more than enough. Good medical insurance is, as I'm sure you're aware, damn near worth its weight in gold.

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    6. Sarge, throw a dart at a date! Don't over-think it! Two weeks hence might work.
      BG

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    7. I do tend to do just that. 🙄

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  9. 70 almost in the rearview mirror? You've paid dues, and then some. There's the muse to pursue, family to enjoy, and time for coffee in the morning watching the sunrise.
    Couple o' things. Former co-worked of mine (retired from AT&T, on his second job) said, 'take a bucket out to that pond, fill it up, tell me what changed.' (that's kinda dark...)
    Sitting in my empty office first of the 'plague years'. Taking care of business, putting fingers in the dikes, ghost town population = one. Started thinking if this was math - do I need them more than they need me?
    Passed on documentation and info for anyone that asked, out the door at 65. Left behind in a still empty office my ID badge, cut up co. credit card on top of my two work laptops. Made extra sure the door locked behind me.
    If you got the blues, move on. I'll bet paychecks in six months you'll say, 'wish I had done this sooner.'

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    1. Oh, yeah, cutting the ties that bind. It's a freeing thing, whether done voluntarily or involuntarily. And if they want you that much they can pay consultant fees.

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    2. Alan - Too true, I like the bucket in the pond analogy. we've had people leave the company and they left a big hole, which most of management were too dim to realize. Those that did, those are the folks I like working for, the rest? Nah, see ya.

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    3. Beans - If they need me that bad, they will have to pay. Doubt they will though.

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  10. Sarge,
    Late to the party, as usual lately. Agree with virtually all the above comments. My interpretation of looking at retirement is from your side it looks like the Grand Canyon. From my side it looks like a crack in the sidewalk. It was a tad difficult at first as I had no real hobbies. Fortunately, I always had thought about woodworking, so took that up. Very nice, Additionally, Mrs J keeps me occupied with the guest houses. Kinda fun also and get to meet a lot of interesting people ("interesting" there has a lot of different definitions). I think with your writing interests (and our interests in them) you're going to have very little trouble making the adjustment.
    You'll do fine.
    juvat

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    1. I'm starting to feel that way. I don't want to eject too early, but don't want to leave it too late either.

      I agree with you, I think we'll be fine. As my friend at church might have put it, "Take a deep breath, then jump. You won't regret it."

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    2. It’s somewhat apropos, but waiting to eject is the most common way for a fighter pilot to die (Remember, my definition of a fighter pilot has nothing to do with flying fighters, it’s an attitude. You ARE one) is to wait to long to eject. Ejecting early is almost always better! Decide, and squeeze the triggers. You’ve got several rescue helicopters in your general vicinity.
      AKA Family, you writing books, your blogs ( you cut that off, I’m coming to Little Rhodey and having a discussion with you) and other projects the Missus might have for you.
      Been there, done that, Grand Canyon, Crack in the sidewalk. I’m a available if you need advice, a 6 of Guinness both here and your place will assist in the conferring/understanding of any advice I may have
      Seriously…
      You got this!


      juvat

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  11. I should perhaps point out that there's a limit. I've been very tired lately, and was afraid of ... well, death. I got things to do yet, even at 76! Docs could find nothing wrong. Eventually she really quizzed me about my week. "Exhaustion!" she exclaimed. "Do you realize you're spending 65 hours a week volunteering? No wonder you're tired!" A month of at least six or seven hours of sleep every night -- I'm better!

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    1. Sleep is so critical, most people don't realize that.

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  12. Sarge - I think it is a hard personal call rather than a hard call. My rule of thumb with all of my employers for years now in terms of involvement is the realization that every employer will give take 100% of what you give them without question, and then let you go at the first sign of inconvenient or financial woes or just "because things". Unless one is the owner of the business, we are all essentially assets and can be replaced - perhaps valuable assets, perhaps unique assets, but still replaceable. To your family, your friends, certainly selfishly to your readers, you are unique and irreplaceable.

    The good advice given above about having a plan is sound. When TB the Elder retired, he had the property to work on and travelling to do and even took some part time jobs for a nursery driving plants throughout the state just because he like to drive. From what you have posted, between writing, reading, games, family, grandkids, and marriage, you have quite a lot to plan for. Heck, who knows what else you might find to do once you have the time!

    We only get one shot at Life. No reason, given your history and accomplishments to date, that you should feel like you have to "endure" something for the sake of it.

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    1. "We only get one shot at Life." That short sentence says it all... Time to spend the next 70 doing what you want?

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    2. TB - Good advice. My plan is almost "have no plan." Deep down inside I hate plans, always have. I like to freewheel and go where the wind and tide take me. Now that I'm sure the finances and medical stuff will be okay, I'm almost ready. It's cutting the ties that will be tough.

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    3. My retirement in 2018 was premeditated. Time to make way for up-and coming youngsters. Early January, I told my boss I would be retiring June 30 (the end of the Univ fiscal year) (my 66th birthday three weeks earlier giving me full soc security benefits (and he had plenty of time for me to train people in a couple esoteric programs and to make arrangements). Didn't really believe me until I gave him my official letter a month before the date. Missed the work and the people when I left and moved back to my little hometown. Haven't gotten around to do many of the things I was thinking of (not planning for), but I have everything I need and most of what I want. Life is good.

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    4. As long as it's good, why not?

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  13. When you're looking at the world and thinking "I wish I was retired," well, that's a clue. You've already decided. Your house is in good shape, your vehicle is relatively new, you have a new laptop, you have grandkids that want to see you.

    So retire. Seriously, in relations to the Zumwalt, is there anything you're working on that is actually going to make that ship better before you retire?

    And, since we've already discussed how you won the medical insurance lottery with TriCare, you have to look at the financials... Less wear and tear on the vehicle, no more travel to and from work expenses, no more buying from the gedunk machines. Clothing expenses. Silly little seemingly inconsequential expenses. All of those will fall away.

    Not to mention, but you'll have the time to do a 10 hour or so Napoleonic war game. Come on, the cavalry awaits!

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    1. I think life may have made my decision for me. All it took was a figurative 2 x 4 to the head. (Having friends die, having spouses of friends dying ... Bit of a wake up call that is.)

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  14. And if you're anything of a misanthrope, not having to deal with people will be so nice.

    Especially the idiots on the road...

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    1. Both ways.

      Uphill.

      In the rain.

      During snow.

      You've mentioned before that your fellow Rhodies are lousy drivers, right?

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    2. I actually like most people, even the stupid ones. It's the indoctrinated I have issues with.

      And yes, other drivers. The, ahem, aforementioned idiots.

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    3. And does it ever stop bloody raining here?

      Well, yes, it does. "Missing out" on the AM and PM commutes? Yeah, that'll be great.

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  15. I think it pretty obvious that everyone who's retired recommends doing so as do I. Was forced retirement in the 2008 debacle. But unknown to me was that hubby was dying and it was a blessing that I was now home instead of being off on assignment somewhere. I've said many times that I didn't understand how I got all of this done when I was working.

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    1. That must have been awful, but, like you say, you were home, you were there for him. That has to count for something.

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  16. Da muse ain't MIA; she's gotta have a little bit of fun too, y'know!

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    1. Maybe she's weary of dealing with a cranky old bastard who should be retired, and hasn't! I get that.

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    2. She asked me not to tell you, but I spotted her at a couple of the joints/writers' conferences down here between St. Pete n' Marco. It's terrible weather we been havin'; she's gotten so tan you may not recognize 'er.

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  17. Just returned from vacation and I don't want to go back to work, at least not just yet, but retirement for me is "by the end of the decade."

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    1. I get the "back from vacation" vibe. End of the decade? Just say six years ...

      Nope, they both sound too long.

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Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)
Can't be nice, go somewhere else...

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