Halloween!

Yup, got my internet back here on Halloween. So what am I going to post about?

I did post earlier today. At work. On my (ahem) lunch break. No really. I wasn't pretending to work while I was actually blogging. Seriously, I'm not kidding.

Don't believe me? Okay, you asked for it.

Oh yeah, I dig 강남 스타일!

Flint Knives and Bearskins

At Chez Sarge we are practically living in the late 19th Century.

I have no internet connection!

How very primitive. I might as well be in Outer Mongolia. Living in a yurt. Herding goats. Yes, it feels practically Neolithic.

Other than the satellite TV, the cell phone and a number of modern appliances. Heh.

This is just a quick post to answer the question "Where is the Old AF Sarge? I'll bet the old bastard is asleep at the helm again!"

Nope, just sans internet.

Hopefully the fine folks at Cox Communications will have Chez Sarge back up on the WWW real soon.

Until then...

Keep your powder dry!

Still Standing

Hurricane Waves Coming Ashore at Narragansett, RI

I'm still here. Haven't posted a thing since the 24th. Major bout of laziness could be the reason. Another possibility was getting ready for Hurricane Sandy. Really bad weather on the way does tend to make one focus on that and that alone.

So the storm has passed. No damage to Chez Sarge, only lost power for at most 30 seconds. That occurred 4 or 5 times. I basically stopped counting after the third time of resetting the clock on the microwave. (Stove clock hung in there like a champ!)

Did start to write a post last night. Stupid internet connection went down. Decided that it was a sign from God, so got off the computer and watched the Weather Channel the remainder of the evening. That rather quickly paled. One can only watch Jim Cantori describe the water level at Battery Park in NYC so many times before the bloom is off that rose.

I expect I'll be along later with (as Suldog likes to say) "more better stuff".

Useless Notions

According to the old calendar on the wall, today is United Nations Day.

Woohoo!

I must admit, I always thought that "Turtle Bay" (in New York) was an actual bay. You know, a body of water enclosed partially by land which is attached to a larger body of water. The encompassing land making the bay distinct from the larger body of water to which it belongs. (Like Cape Cod Bay, Narragansett Bay and Chesapeake Bay, all attached to the larger Atlantic Ocean, but partially surrounded by land.) Nowadays it's a neighborhood in Manhattan.

So to resolve my confusion, I went to Wikipedia. Not my most trusted source for facts, but it does in a pinch. According to Wikipedia:

Turtle Bay, which received its name in the 17th century, was a valuable shelter from the often harsh weather of the East River, and it also became a thriving site for shipbuilding.

Okay, so it used to be an actual bay. But that's not exactly the point of this post. The point is that the United Nations, the UN, is what I like to call a "Useless Notion". And of course, the UN is located in the Turtle Bay area of Manhattan. (Hence the spiel near the beginning of the post.)

Alright, so a bunch of folks got together near the end of World War II and thought it would be a good idea to have some extra-national organization to keep future bad guys in line. Of course, this time it would work because, unlike the League of Nations, the United States would be involved. (And would foot the bill, and would do all the heavy lifting, and would provide the land, etc., etc., ad nauseum.)

Perhaps a good idea. All the good guys get together and pool their various strengths to deter bad guys from causing trouble in the international neighborhood.

Problem is, they let the bad guys join too.

Now the UN is nothing more than a big alliance of nations. Where the little countries get the same number of votes as the big countries (that would be one each). Ah, but you have the Security Council, where the really big important nations can veto things. It's not like it's a democratic process. There are 15 member nations on the Security Council, five are permanent (China, France, Russia, the UK and the US). So what happens when say, one member nation invades another member nation.

Well, the Security Council can vote to take military action against the offender. But if the offending nation is a client state of one of the Big Five? Vote could be 14 in favor of kicking the offending nation's a$$. Then all the Big Five nation who is buddy-buddy with the offender has to do is veto that. Result, no action takes place. Of course there may be strongly-worded announcements and perhaps even sanctions. But if one of the Big Five is not in favor of taking action. Nothing is going to happen.

Nothing.

So what's the point of the UN? What good have they done since being founded?

Two answers: not much and very little.

It might have been a good idea at the time. But the UN is no longer of any use, to anybody except Third World loonies and dictators.

Should the US continue to be a member? My opinion is: NO!

Give them a "Notice to Vacate the Premises" and let them take their idiot debating society somewhere else.

Yeah, Happy UN Day.

Welcome Aboard!

Bounty Hunter Rhino

Talked to the Missus last Friday. She is once again "forward deployed" assisting the progeny with their ever occurring life-altering events. Three times this year, for over four months in total.

April: Off to assist the WSO as Big Time was deployed and the day care folks don't operate at night (VFA-106 does however. Little Bit is still rather young to be left on her own. She's only two!)

July-August: Another WSO assist. Big Time was still deployed and the WSO was again flying at night. Also the WSO had to prepare to make the jump from Oceana to Lemoore. Someone's gotta pack all that stuff! (As a military wife, the Missus is all too familiar with packing up a household while the uniformed one is off making the world "safe for democracy".)

October: A combination Naviguesser/WSO assist this time. The newest granddaughter is "in the house" out west, so the oldest and his spouse had the mother-in-law for two weeks and the Missus for two weeks. Then the Missus was off to Lemoore. (Someone had to help unpack all that stuff from Oceana, doncha know?)

So, the topic for last Friday (as usual) was along the lines of "how are the kids?" 'Twas then the Missus mentioned that the WSO and Big Time were at a "Hail and Farewell" on the base. Of course their participation was mandatory as they were being "hailed". Big Time as VFA-122's newest instructor pilot and the WSO as VFA-2's newest WSO.

Now with all of that background out of the way, here's the phone conversation Your Humble Scribe had with the WSO on the ensuing Saturday. Post-Hail and Farewell.

YHS: So how was the Hail and Farewell?

The WSO: Not bad, we had a good time. We drove there and walked back, it wasn't that far from where we're staying.

YHS: I can guess why you walked back.

The WSO: Don't go there Dad...

YHS: Alright, I won't. So how do the guys in VFA-2 seem? Good guys?

The WSO: Heh, bunch of drunks.

YHS: So you fit right in?

The WSO: Pretty much...

Like they say, "No slack in fighter-attack".

War is Hell

General of the Army of the United States
William Tecumseh Sherman
1820 - 1891

"War is cruelty. There's no use trying to reform it, the crueler it is the sooner it will be over.

"War is the remedy that our enemies have chosen, and I say let us give them all they want."

- William Tecumseh Sherman

The good general knew what he was talking about. These two quotes attributed to him summarize my personal beliefs concerning war. If you're going to get into one, don't screw around. Otherwise just surrender and accept the consequences. Don't waste the blood of your people if you're not in it to win.

Having a well-trained, well-equipped and well-supported military is an absolute necessity for any nation. In the first place to deter any potential enemy from attacking and in the second place to punish an enemy if they decide to attack anyway.

However, even if a nation has a well-trained, well-equipped and well-supported military, it is of no use whatsoever if the political will to properly use that military is absent.

Rational nations do not go to war. Those days are over. It is the irrational we must deal with, people so barbaric or utterly removed from humankind that they do not recognize reason. They understand one thing and one thing only. Force.

An armed force, once committed to war, is good at only two things: blowing things up and killing people. It cannot perform "nation building". It is most emphatically not a police force.

The idea is to inflict such punishment upon the enemy that they will either sue for peace or risk being utterly destroyed. It also sends a message to other potential enemies. Pour encourager les autres, as the French would say. Mess with us and die. That, to me at any rate, is the idea.

"Global Force for Good" - really? I do think we want to give our global neighbors the idea that we're the good guys. If you don't mess with us, we won't mess with you. If you're in trouble and need help, we'll do our best to help you out. In the latter case I'm thinking help on scene, bringing in relief supplies, evacuating the injured and generally being a good neighbor in the event of a disaster.

The whole point of the military is for deterrence in peace time and to blast the enemy to Hell in war time. That's it, in total, nothing else.

Before entering into a war, have an objective. Is it the destruction of the enemy's forces to compel him to quit the fight? (And not start it up again down the road.) Is it the retaking of a piece of real estate that rightfully belongs either to you or to an ally? What is the point of committing your armed forces to combat?

If the objective is hazy or unrealistic, do not go to war. Period. Full stop.

If you don't have the forces to commit, if the people do not support the effort. Do not go to war.

Do not go to war to give somebody the right to vote in some foreign land. If those folks want the right to vote, LET THEM FIGHT FOR IT!

Do not go to war to bring democracy to some foreign land. In many places in the world democracy is an alien concept. People are not the same no matter where they live. Different cultures and customs make people different. Sometimes those customs and cultures are similar to ours. Most times, they're not.

There are exceptions. Genocide is perhaps the worst crime one group of people can inflict on another group of people. That is worth going to war over. Go after the bastards committing that crime, slaughter them, cut them to pieces. Attack them and pound them until they either cease and desist, or simply cease to exist. Make any would-be dictator think twice before going on a rampage.

Do it because it's right, not because there's oil or other resources to be had. And once it's done, turn over the reins of power to the locals. Perhaps give them some aid to get their act together, but once they've got a handle on things, get out. It's their country, you've eradicated a threat now move on, go home.

If attacked, we go after the people who directed or ordered that attack. Kill them without mercy, track them down and kill them where they stand. Do not negotiate with them, do not bargain with them. If you leave the bastards in charge after launching a few cruise missiles, they will not be deterred. You want to make it hurt, you want to make it hurt so bad they would never, ever think of attacking you again. And if, for whatever reason, they do attack you again, punish them even worse the second time, leave not one brick standing upon another. Hit them and keep hitting them until there is nothing left to hit. Make them realize that attacking you is the stupidest thing they ever did.

And for pity's sake don't go after them in order to arrest them and bring them to trial. That's what police do. If you don't have the will to go after them, file a complaint with Interpol, and move on, no doubt with your tail between your legs!

War is horror. War is death and destruction. Those who would attack us must be made to understand that they will pay. And will pay dearly.

Go to war to WIN. Or learn to live with the consequences of doing not enough or doing nothing at all. There is no middle ground.

Any way, that's how I see it.

Rant complete.

A Drismal Friday Eve

F/A-18E Rhino
Big Time's Ride

It's Friday evening here on the shores of Narragansett Bay. It's drizzly and windy but surprisingly warm for this time of year.

That term "drismal" in the title? Got that from a lady at work. Combination of "drizzle" and "dismal", for those of you who (like me) wouldn't be able to figure that out on your own. Uh, what's that? You figured that out at first glance? Darn, I am dense! (For another example of my mental density, see Couple Fries Short of a Happy Meal.)

Any-hoo...

I have not done much posting lately. I have a "serious" post in the works, sort of my views on waging war, which I'm sure y'all can't wait for. But wait so ye shall, I've been getting far too serious lately and it's time to "lighten up".

That being said....

Another fun Navy production (VAW-113 Black Eagles' version of the All American Rejects "Move Along".)

Then we got a little multi-service action in this one. (Army, Navy, Air Force - didn't see any Marines, perhaps they just know better!)

That's it for now. Gotta go call the WSO out in Cali.

Doggone different time zones!

Standby, Standby, Standby

Out of Gas

I've been working on a serious post for a couple of days now. Trying to work up the energy to finish it has proven to be futile. It has drained me of working on any other posts for the moment.

Also, not to whine (but what the heck, it is MY blog) I also had a very short weekend. It was good, just short, too much time on the road and not enough time spent trying to get over a very real sleep deficit I've accumulated over the past couple of weeks.

So, waa waa waa. Enough of that. I'll be back soon, very soon. As soon as I get that doggone serious post finished up and published. Things are too damned critical in the world right now and the humor tank is a bit dry. Hopefully, I can get that replenished soon as well. At the moment, I ain't laughing. And that sucks.

Be seeing you.

On the Go

Yours Truly is off to New Hamster Hampshire for to assist my Mother in celebrating her 82nd birthday. So things are going to be a little quiet round these parts over the weekend.

Met forecast looks good for today, should be CAVU all the way. (Not worried about the ceiling as, of course, I'm driving, not flying. Wish I were flying but oh well, it's only 150 miles.) Sunday's weather may be a little dicey. We shall see.

Oh and Happy Birthday today to:

The WSO!

Out in Cali she is. Brand new member of VFA-2. Hope she has a good day!

I'll be back.

Until then, carry on, smartly!

Really?

"Seriously? 200 Euro for this bouquet?"
European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso (L) receives flowers
from Atle Leikvoll, Norway's Ambassador to the European Union

OSLO (Reuters) - The European Union won the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday for promoting peace, democracy and human rights over six decades in an award seen as a morale boost as the bloc struggles to resolve its economic crisis.

The award served as a reminder that the EU had largely brought peace to a continent which tore itself apart in two world wars in which tens of millions died.

Hard to believe. But it's true. The European Union has been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Sigh...

I particularly like the second paragraph, especially the part "the EU had largely brought peace to a continent which tore itself apart in two world wars in which tens of millions died". Hhhmm, and there I was thinking it was troops from the USA, UK and the USSR which had finally brought peace (of a sort) to Europe back in 1945.

I guess as no one has invaded Poland or France since the late '30s - early '40s of the last century, Europe has been rather peaceful. Well, except for that whole Balkans thing in the '90s. I guess as they're not part of the European Union, that doesn't really count. So yes, very peaceful.

How come Canada didn't get the nod? They've been peaceful for way longer than 60 years.

Why is Europe now so very peaceful? So peaceful that they've been given an award for being peaceful. Yes, those wonderful Eurocrats have brought this about. They must be rewarded.

Why I remember seeing the documentaries of the Eurocrats storming ashore at Normandy...

No wait, that was the Allied armies. British, American, Canadian, Polish and French soldiers, sailors and airmen, Not a single Eurocrat in the bunch.

No wait, now I remember, the Eurocrats fought to the death at Stalingrad and destroyed Hitler's Sixth Army...

Oops, those were Russian soldiers, sailors and airmen. Again, no Eurocrats shed their blood on the battlefields of the Eastern front.

Ah yes, that's it. When the Cold War began and the Iron Curtain came down. The Eurocrats poured their treasure and troops in to hold back the Communist threat.

Nope, nope, nope. That's not right. Those were nation-states that did that. The US, the UK, France, Holland, Belgium, the Netherlands, Norway, Germany, Italy and Denmark. No Eurocrats involved. And as I do recall, a lot of American tax dollars were used to build that bulwark against the God-less commies.

This is even stranger than when the Obummer got one "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples" in October of 2009. When he'd been President for less than a year.

I suppose the Eurocrats should get some recognition for not starting World War III.

Sigh...

Gee, It's Been a While Since I've Bored You With...

...statistics!
Yay! Woohoo!

Okay, I'll calm down now.

One of the reasons I wanted to share this with you was that as I get more into this whole blogging thing, I'm trying to figure out what my audience is like.

Just like my some of my posts, my audience is literally all over the map. At first glance, it seems to be primarily an English-speaking audience, from English-speaking countries.

But then there's Russia, Germany, France, the Philippines, Brazil and Indonesia. I know there are a lot of folks in those lands who are bilingual, if not multi-lingual (is that even a real word?) In my travels I have met many who speak English, and speak it quite well they do.

I have to admit, I am somewhat giddy over my popularity in the Родина. (That's the Rodina or the Motherland for you non-Russian speakers.) Not sure why. Back in my salad days they were the Bad Guys. You know, the Big Bad Bear. But quite frankly, back in those days we had a healthy respect for the Russians. Not the commissars and Party boys, no, no indeed. But the common Russian soldier, sailor, airman and marine.

After the fall of the Soviet Union, the Naviguesser had the opportunity (on one of his Midshipman cruises) to be on a ship which had a sailor, who had been a sailor before. Yes, he was now an American sailor. A few years before, he had been a Russian sailor. But my son got a huge laugh one day when he and his fellow midshipmen were talking with Boatswain's Mate Second Class (BM2) Ivan Ivanovich (not his real name, of course.)

Seems the end of the summer cruise was approaching and BM2 Ivanovich asked the mids, "So when are you boys headed back to Soviet Union?" (Spoken in a thick Russian accent, of course.)

Silence, then a chuckle. Seems Ivan had been in the Soviet Navy and was still steeped in that tradition. Needless to say, the mids got a huge chuckle over it and spent the rest of the cruise addressing each other as "comrade" and speaking in faux Russian accents. I'm sure that ship was glad to put those kids ashore at the end of their cruise.

So yes, Russia, I seem to be quite popular there. With the UK being a close second (I'm guessing Hogday hits my blog 5 times a day, just to keep the numbers up. God Save the Queen. Pip pip, cheerio.)

Now much to my surprise, Uncle Smitty's Hamsters has dropped out of the top spot. (I still can't figure out why that is so popular. I'm sure Tuna has an idea, or at least a theory). Even more surprising to me, it was surpassed by one of my serious posts.

Lately I have been a little more, shall we say, "political" in some of my posts. Occasionally I do like to go "all serious" don't you know? But only if I can string together some relatively coherent thoughts. I have written lots of serious posts which never saw the light of day. Sometimes I just get riled up and all coherent, rational thought goes out the window. Not to mention causing a severe degradation in my typing skills. Which aren't that great to begin with.

So there it is. My latest stats, sort of a progress report to my "legions" of fans. So much for that.

Carry on...

Lest We Forget

In memory of the brave men and women who gave their lives for us. For our Freedom.

The video is called Amazing Grace - Fallen heroes. The following are those in the video.

Army Pfc. Ryan R. Berg
Marine Sgt. Gary S. Johnston
Army Sgt. James J. Regan
Marine Capt. Jennifer J. Harris
Army Spc. Jonathan K. Smith
Army Sgt. Robert M. McDowell
Army Pfc. Katie M. Soenksen
Army Spc. Astor A. Sunsin-Pineda
Army Cpl. Gregory N. Millard
Marine Cpl. Christopher G. Scherer
Army Sgt. Keith A. Kline
Army Spc. Kamisha J. Block
Navy Master-at-Arms Seaman Anamarie Sannicolas Camacho
Navy Explosive Ordnance Disposal Technician 2nd Class Kevin R. Bewley

Thanks go out to Christine Sanzo, who created this fitting tribute.

Political Affairs

So there I was. Saturday. A crisp, sunny New England day in early October. Cutting my grass for the fun that was in it. (Not really, but it wasn't bad. The weather was gorgeous. And the grass? She needed cutting.)

Front yard is complete, now I was working on the back 40 at Le Château du Vieux Sergent. While so engaged, I had noticed an individual "wandering" the neighborhood. He looked far too clean cut to be a denizen of mon quartier, so I wondered, "Who can this be?"

He was carrying a clipboard, wearing a nice white shirt and khaki trousers. So I figured he wasn't a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon. They usually dress in suits and travel in pairs. This guy was flying solo. Then the light came on. He must be a political type, canvassing the neighborhood for whatever nefarious reason the politicos do such things. After all, there IS an election coming up.

When it was time to empty the bag on the mower, I noted that the aforementioned individual was now on my deck. Looking in my direction. Oh crap. I actually have to communicate with a fellow member of the human race.

Now I'm not a very social guy. I tend to keep to myself and limit human contact. I find the members of this species to be somewhat annoying and tiresome. Especially when they want to borrow money from me. Or attempt to solicit funds from me for the purchase of something I don't really want.

Like the time (right after I retired from the Air Force) a couple stopped by the house and attempted to sell me a burial plot. The Missus thought it was something we should look into. My thought was that I'd just bought a house. It was expensive. Why did I want to invest it yet more real estate? Especially such a small piece of real estate?

The Missus said, "Well what if you die soon? Where will I put you?" Die soon? Does the wife have some plot going on here of which I am unaware? Is she planning to have me "terminated with extreme prejudice"? What had I done to upset her so?

Mind you, this conversation took place in front of the burial plot purveyors. Whom my wife had invited into the family dwelling while I was busy going through my emergency escape drill. Which was an epic fail. After all I was now stuck at the kitchen table, talking with people attempting to sell me something.

Well, indeed, the burial plot purveyors wanted to know, "What are your plans if you should die?"

I explained to them that at that point in time, any earthly plans I had would most certainly be null and void. Just put me out with the trash, I said. Or dump me in the backyard and call the police. That should buy the Missus a little time to make any burial arrangements. At that point I would have ceased to be and would have joined the "choir invisible" and probably would not give two hoots where they stuck my earthly remains.

No doubt you may well imagine the frustration of my Dear Wife and the purveyors of fine burial plots. Eventually they went away, I did not purchase a burial plot. But I see I've drifted away from the original story. Concerning the gentleman on my deck, looking all sincere and with apparent great patience in my general direction.

Mower off. Sigh. Ear protection pulled off the left ear and cocked at a jaunty angle over my very sweaty ball cap.

"Is there something I can help you with?", was the best line I could think of at the spur of the moment. A more clever man may have said, "Get off my lawn", in his best Clint Eastwood voice. An even smarter individual would have perhaps pretended not to speak much English, claim in some obscure accent that he was "just the gardener" and that the lady of the house, "she is not home Senor, so sorry."

At that point, the gentleman clad in white shirt and khaki trousers, departed from my deck and sauntered into the confines of my back yard. Saying, "Hi, I'm <insert name here> and I'm running for state representative for this district."

Damn. It's a politician. The emergency escape drill is a no go at this point. I am stuck betwixt the back hedge and the house, with nowhere to plausibly run, without looking like a complete loon that is. Not that looking like a complete loon has ever bothered me before. But usually that involved alcohol and a social gathering of some kind. Preferably with other members of the Air Force around. (And people wonder why I never made it past Master Sergeant in the military hierarchy. What's that you say? No one wonders? Oh, they all know why? Hhhmm, I guess acting like a loon while at an Air Force social function while having a full load of German beer on board is not the key to advancement in the modern Air Force. Damn. Okay, there's another mystery solved.) Again, I digress.

When the fellow admitted to being a politician, my immediate question to him was, "What party?"

Now I have to tell you that I was very wary at this point. Probably a bit of a hostile look on my face because this is little Rhody. A state so blue in political outlook that a Republican running for office in this state has about as much chance of winning as I have of being elected Pope. Actually I have a better chance of becoming Pope than a Republican has of winning an office in this state. And I'm not even Catholic. Setting aside all of the other reasons why I could not and should not be elected Pope. (Not that I'm a bad guy mind you. I think I would make an excellent Pope. But have you seen the traffic around the Vatican? No, thank you, I'll pass.)

Now I was expecting the fellow to say he was a Democrat. I was already preparing some witty put-down to send him off in shame. How dare you tread upon the soil of a dyed-in-the-wool conservative. He had, I must say, a rather nervous look on his face at that point. Perhaps he knew he was face to face with a member of his political opposition.

No, turns out HE WAS A REPUBLICAN!

OMG. The odds of seeing one of those in little Rhody are about as good as seeing a unicorn. Covered in glitter and singing some insipid song about birds. (Do unicorns do that?)

Well, the fellow and I had a nice 30 minute chat regarding the state of the world (not good) and the state of Rhode Island (not as bad as the world, but not good, especially the economy.) He has some good ideas and seems like a real nice fellow. Not a professional politician mind you but a businessman who is heartsick over the way things are going. We had a good laugh at the fact that I was one of the very few people he'd met that day who didn't immediately shoo him off their property. As I said, conservatives are a very rare breed in New England to begin with, even rarer in little Rhody. Though apparently there are small pockets of us scattered about the region. Clinging to their guns and Bibles. As I am wont to do.

So there you have it. That pretty much summed up my Saturday. Pretty exciting huh?

The Old AF Sarge cut his grass and talked to a politician. (Oh, and I watched Black Rain again on Netflix, hadn't seen it in a while. I do like that movie. Lots of action. Set mostly in Japan. So it was all good.)

Lawn mowing and politics. Life in the fast lane.

Off the Grid

That's yours truly. Amidst a world of technology, lately I have been "off the grid". Not off of my computer, no. I've been trying to stay current with my blog reading list and following things on-line. But mentally, I have definitely been "off the grid". If you could look behind my eyes, you'd see this:

Yup, that's right. The old brain box claims to be doing something, but you know it's just hung. Thank the Lord it's the weekend, time for a mental re-boot of my aging neural-network. See if I can't get a few more neurons firing before Saturday comes.

Besides which, it's October already. Five days into October and I have not posted yet. Ridiculously lazy of me I know. There are no doubt many of you who have been breathless with anticipation, awaiting my next post.

No?

Well, one or two of you at least. Right?

No?

Alright, I get it. Not feeling the love.

As you may be able to tell, I desperately need to find something, anything to post about. Perhaps tomorrow? But as I always say, "When in doubt, throw some Monty Python at 'em!"

Before putting the video up, I would first like to apologize to my Canadian friends in the Great White Up. Being of (partly) Canadian descent myself, I'm merely poking fun. Please don't go and riot or burn down any maple syrup stands. Please.