Walker was dead, there could be no doubt about that. A large part of the top of the young man's head was gone. A puddle of thick blood pooled under him. It had stopped spreading moments ago. Johnson assumed that there was none left to spill out upon the floor of the dusty old barn. It was a large puddle, he observed, almost as if it had nothing to do with him.
He sat with his back against one wall, the wall furthest from where the fighting was, the wall with the fewest holes in it. His legs were splayed upon the floor, his hands resting by his side, the right one still holding the heavy pistol he had used to end Walker's life.
He looked at the sunlight streaming through the holes in the far wall, he could see the dust motes dancing in the air. It struck him that the clouds had broken, during the fighting it had been overcast. The entire morning the sky had threatened to begin raining again. At least it had temporarily cooled the air.
The day had dawned hot and humid, it was hard to breathe, harder still to get the men down the slope and drive towards the ruined farm in the shallow valley between the two ridgelines. The men had been resting in the shade of the trees and didn't want to move.
The last few days had been hard, marching first in one direction, then in another as the scouts reported the enemy first here, then there. In truth, Johnson doubted anyone knew where the enemy really was. Perhaps they were everywhere?
A drop of sweat slid down from his hairline and into his left eye. Idly he began to bring his left hand up to brush the sweat away, he grimaced at the pain.
He looked at his arm, there, the sleeve was torn. His wife was going to be furious, she had had the coat tailor-made before he'd left home with his regiment. He raised his right hand, was surprised at the weight, he had forgotten that he was still holding his pistol.
His fingers seemed reluctant to loose their grip on the weapon, they clung to it as if his life depended on it. He grinned, well, it did, didn't it? He let the pistol slide free from his hand and noticed that his hand was shaking badly.
Fatigue, lack of sleep, anger, fear, he'd gone through so many emotions that day. It was no wonder that his hand was shaking as if he had the palsy. He shook his hand, flexed the fingers, forcing them open and closed.
Once that was done he ran his hand over his left arm, the sleeve was indeed torn, but the shirt underneath was untouched. Puzzled he used his right hand to lift the left, after a few moments he realized that his left arm had been asleep. He must have lain on it when he had passed out.
The memories came rushing back.
"Damn it, Adams, take your section up to the stone wall. Keep those bastards pinned."
After ordering that action he turned to the young lieutenant of artillery with a questioning look.
"We're almost there Major, I just need to get this last limber hooked up and we'll be on our way."
As he said that, one of his gunners spun around and collapsed against the far wheel of the limber. Blood sprayed everywhere. Johnson looked with concern at the lieutenant. He was bloody.
"Are you hit?"
The lieutenant sobbed, turning to his men he bellowed, "Get the battery up to the ridge, now."
"Not my blood, Sir." The lieutenant said as he knelt next to the fallen gunner.
He brushed the man's face with tenderness, Johnson could see that the young officer was crying, the tears streaming down his face as he closed the man's eyes. Nearby, a sergeant was waiting impatiently, holding the lieutenant's horse from his own saddle.
"Sir, we need to move!" The sergeant yelled out.
Johnson shot the man a look, the sergeant nodded in understanding but Johnson could see that the man was ready to leave, his lieutenant be damned.
Placing a hand on the lieutenant's shoulder, Johnson leaned in, "A good man, I'm sure, but you need to be off young fellow. Your sergeant's right."
The lieutenant stood up, brushing the tears from his grime-streaked face. "He was more than a good man, Sir. He was my brother."
Without another word, the lieutenant went to his horse, mounted and the two artillerymen rode off in the wake of their battery.
After that, all Hell had broken loose. A surge of men in gray and butternut came howling from the nearby orchard. A volley from his men along the wall put many of them down, but he saw one man, his man, a corporal break for the barn and run inside.
"Adams! Keep it up! I'll be right back."
Sergeant Adams didn't even glance in his direction, Johnson went into the barn, half expecting to see the corporal rousting out shirkers who had taken refuge inside. But no, there was just the corporal, a wild, hunted look on his face as he cast his gaze around the interior.
"Corporal Walker, get back to your men."
"Nah, Sir, think I'll just stay right here. I'm all done in, Sir, had enough."
Johnson waved his pistol at the man. "Damn it, Walker, get your ass outside."
Johnson blinked in amazement as the corporal pointed his rifle at him. His eyes went wide as the man pulled the trigger, the lock snapping loudly in the relative stillness of the barn.
"God damn it!" Walker swore as he fumbled at his belt for a cap, he'd loaded his rifle but had forgotten the percussion cap needed to set off the main charge.
Johnson didn't hesitate, he aimed his pistol at the man and pulled the trigger. The heavy weapon bucked in his hand and Walker went down in a heap, all his muscles loose, nothing controlling his body as the heavy pistol round hit him high on the forehead.
Johnson was shaking, he'd just killed one of his own men. A man he had known in civilian life, a farm hand from the next town over in his home county. Dear Jesus, how could he ever explain this to the man's family?
Without a word, the major stumbled towards the back wall of the barn, he vomited as he did so. Then he collapsed, unconscious, his back to the wall.
Johnson returned to the present, he leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. He felt the need to vomit, but controlled it. He realized that he was shirking his duty just as Walker had been, perhaps one of his sergeants would come in and shoot him?
He stood up, picking up his pistol and holstering it as he did so. He was still shaking, but not as badly. He listened, there seemed to be a lull outside. Looking about, he saw his hat, couldn't go out with his uniform not correct, could he?
Stepping to the door he saw Sergeant Adams coming towards him.
"Sir, we're about out of ammunition. I sent one of the boys back to try and get some more, but ..."
Johnson looked around, a number of his men were on the ground, some of them not moving.
"How bad are we hurt, Tommy?"
The sergeant started at the major calling him by his first name. Things must be serious, he thought.
"Lieutenant Smith is down, shot through the heart. Captain Jefferson went to the rear, his left arm hanging, useless. I'm sure he's going to lose it. The rest of the boys, well what's left of 'em, are still game. We're short-handed but if we get more ammunition, I think we can hold."
Adams looked into the barn and saw the lifeless body of Corporal Walker, he spat.
"Sumbitch was always useless in a fight. I'd of done the same, Sir."
Johnson looked at the man, "Get the men ready, we can't stay, look over yonder."
Adams turned and saw the battle flags emerging from the far tree line.
"Guess the bastards are serious this time."
Turning Adams began getting the surviving men up and moving, some were detailed to carry the wounded, those who had a chance.
A man on horseback came up behind him, shouting his name, he turned. It was his brigade commander, hatless and streaming blood from a cut above one eye.
"Get your boys back up the hill, Billy. I can't spare any help for you. Let the Johnnies have the damned farm for now. Git, go on now!"
The colonel rode off, leaving Johnson and his men alone again.
"Let's go boys, back up the hill!"
Johnson shook his head, his boys had died for nothing.