Friday, December 30, 2016

Administrative Down Day

The Gallery at Chez Sarge
Nope, no new stories today as we have a number of administrative tasks to accomplish. I know, I know, it sounds boring and it probably is, but get your notebooks and pens out, we have a lot to cover.

First item on the agenda is officially codifying Juvat's Cinematic Rating Tool, or JCRT for short. (Note to staff, it's okay for Juvat and Tuna to invent these kind of things, but I, Le Sarge, reserve the right to name them. Unless their names are better, then I'll probably just go with whatever they came up with. Yes, I know Tuna came up with a name for something, we'll get to that.) Anyhoo...

So in Juvat's Monday/Boxing Day post he introduced the first practical application of the JCRT, which he had proposed in a comment on my earlier "Top Ten" post. To wit...
We need to come up with a multi faceted rating system. Historical accuracy, Well Told Story, Death and destruction, Probability of being watched by your wife etc.
That was the proposal, and of course you got to see the first deployed use of the JCRT. Here are the facets of the multi-faceted JCRT:
  • Historical Accuracy
  • Well Told Story
  • Death and Destruction
  • Probability of Spousal Participation
Each facet has a rating from 0 to 10, 0 being the lowest, 10 the highest. We don't have any weighting for the various facets and as one might quickly ascertain, this is pretty much for "guy films" and not "chick flicks." (Though if someone would like to propose a system for rating "chick flicks," have at it. As the editor (that would be me, the Blog Inhaber), and both of the part-time, underpaid and abused writers, Cratchit, er, I mean Juvat, and Tiny Tuna are all guys, well, you get my drift...)

I did change Juvat's original fourth rating in order to more easily acronymize it, so within the JCRT we have the four facets. (I know, I know, I just like calling them facets, Juvat started it):
  • HA, or Historical Accuracy
  • WTS, or Well Told Story
  • D&D, Death and Destruction
  • PSP, Probability of Spousal Participation, i.e. will the wife watch it with you or retire to the other room mumbling that she should have married that nice Billy Johnson down the road who became very wealthy selling George Foreman grills. (Ha! As if!)
HA is rather self-explanatory, though one must have some knowledge of history in order to properly apply the facet. This facet is pretty straightforward, very objective. A movie is faithful to history or it's not.

WTS is pretty subjective. One man's brilliant and riveting story could be another's "please kill me" film. (A story so bad that one would rather be put out of one's misery than being forced to continue watching it. Though I suppose getting up and walking out of the theater, or switching off the telly, would be preferred.)

D&D is another subjective facet of the JCRT. It all depends on one's capacity for gore and things blowing up, I suppose the best way to partially describe this is with a film clip...

And no, that's not Juvat and Yours Truly in the clip. (Though I do have a shirt like John Candy is wearing and I swear Juvat has a hat similar to the one sported by Joe Flaherty. Two of my favorite Canadians by the way. I still miss Mr. Candy. A lot. Oh and Joe Flaherty isn't really Canadian. He's from Pittsburgh.)

The most controversial facet of the JCRT is the PSP, or Probability of Spousal Participation. Controversial because we guys can't always fathom what our better halves are thinking or expecting from us. I mean, to me, "Fine!" means that The Missus Herself is totally okay with whatever I want to do. To wit...

"So honey, I'm going to buy this three thousand dollar entertainment system. Okay?"



"Honey, I'm going to go out drinking with the guys. Okay?"


Hhmm, now I understand a few situations where I may have miscalculated.


PSP is a guess at whether or not one's spouse is willing to sit down and watch Saving Private Ryan or Fury with you. A low rating here may be matched by a higher D&D rating. Too gory, and the spousal unit may not wish to watch it, so a high D&D rating might be offset by a low PSP. Hhmm, perhaps we should weight these things. That might make for a more complicated rating system, I don't know.

So, that's the JCRT, comments, suggestions, ideas, and just plain complaints are welcome.

In other news, I got a new phone yesterday, the Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge, and it hasn't blown up yet. I take that as a good sign. Had to replace the old S3 as it was just worn out and showing its age. Unplug it from the charger and it would drop right down to 80%. It also didn't like my Mom's place up in New Hampshire, wouldn't hold a charge to save its life I tell ya. (Hhmm, I replaced the cell phone equivalent of me...)

Meine neues Kommunikationsgerät (Source)
One final administrative thing I'd like to touch on is something Tuna brought up in the comments to yesterday's post. To wit...*
Happy New Year to all you Chanters though! (Did I just coin a phrase there- a la "Lexicans?")
To which I replied.
"Chanters?" Hhmm, I shall have to ruminate upon that. Grudgingly, it does have a certain something. As to "Lexicans," I preferred "Lexians," but was outvoted. (Not sure we actually had a vote, but there it is.)

If the readership is to be known as "Chanters," perhaps we should have a chant? (My vote is for "Who's buying?")
So what say you, the readers? Or Chanters? (Hhmm, not sure I like it. Perhaps it will grow on me.)

So that's it for now, and...


Yeah, the Top Ten lists, which are kind of a new thing here. I started it but called it "A Sarge Top Ten List," but Juvat kind of refined it with "A Chant Top Ten List." So from here on out, they shall be the latter, not the former.

Okay? Back to work, coffee break's over...

* And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, a new record for using the phrase "to wit" in one post has been set today, here at the Chant. Now watch Juvat or Tuna go out of their way to break that record. I double dog dare you! (And no, Juvat did not double dog dare me to stick my tongue to the flag pole at Kunsan Air Base. That was some other Sarge, who may, or may not, have looked like me. Hey, all us maintainers look the same in our olive-drab fatigues, neh?)


  1. I had my day all planned out, but now I have a tremendous urge to scrap them and dig out my SCTV dvds...................

    Chanters sounds okay. I figured that some joker would call you chanteuse...............

    1. I miss SCTV, Guy Caballero and the whole crew.

      I'm still ambivalent about "Chanters," makes us sound like a cult.

    2. Ooh, "knowledge of the hidden." I like it.

  2. I'm not the "Sarge", so I didn't feel right using the Boss's name in vain (so to speak), hence Chant. Chanters doesn't sing to me (pun very intended) and Chanteuse is singular, the plural of that maybe? I'll leave that to your multilinguistic translational talents to wit.

    1. Ah, it's oh so logical when you 'splain it like that. Still I like "A Chant Top Ten," has a certain ring to it dontcha know?

      Like I mentioned to the taminator, my ambivalence to Chanters continues. I shall work on that.

      So Tuna? Your idea has been brought before the Council and rejected. Sorry dude, hey, you tried.

    2. Oh man, what hath Tuna wrought?

    3. Fine. Ignore my attempts to bring some unity to the workplace. I'll take it up with my union rep. Heh. "Departers?" "Sargettes?" "Chantees?"

    4. In all honesty, Chanters is the best I've seen yet.

      Now we need a chant. ("Unity in the workplace" - whazzat?)

  3. Ok Chris, how did you get your tongue stuck to the flag pole in Kunsan?

    Paul L. Quandt

    P.S. You were lucky that it happened before the ubiquity of cell phones, otherwise there would be photographic evidence.


    1. Didn't happen Paul, Juvat was just razzing me. No really, that's the truth, I swear it!

    2. Oh, I believe you, Chris. The idea is very funny however.


    3. Methinks, he doth protest too much!

  4. Replies
    1. Just seeing the word in print sends shivers down my spine! When Mrs Juvat speaks that word, I know that nothing in the universe, known or unknown, if "Fine".

    2. I had a lady friend over on koobecaF tell me that there are nuances and subtleties involved with the word "Fine." The feeling of sheer terror which fell over me would have impressed Poe himself. Subtlety? Nuance? Oh dear...

    3. Bone chilling, aye. Shivers aye. Man, I'm still shaking.

  5. I have been given a reprieve.
    After mentioning earlier that I hadn't seen The Princess Bride, they told me I could stay another night if I watched it today.
    I said, "Fine!"

    1. But was that a chick "fine" or a guy "fine"?

    2. If Princess Bride had had a Christmas Scene, it would quite probably be the first Chant List perfect score. HA? Grandpa was reading it from a book, it must be accurate! WTS? Grandpa's always tell stories well! D&D? Hello.....Swordfights! PSP? GimmeABreak! True Wuv? It wudda been a lock! But....Not a Christmas scene in sight.

    3. Regarding Chick "Fine" or Guy "Fine"...It's all in the intonation.

    4. AS to Princess Bride lacking a Christmas scene, yes, it coulda been a contender on the Chant List!

    5. As to intonation ...ya had to be there.

      I make a motion to designate it an honorary Christmas movie because this is a Christmas vist I am on and it is not yet Little Christmas.

    6. I think we could entertain that notion.

  6. "A story so bad that one would rather be put out of one's misery than being forced to continue watching it." My youngest son and I speak of movies one would only watch in a full body cast, if you could not reach the remote.

  7. Nothing will ever replace Lex, but you guys come really close.


  8. Instead of "Chanters" how about an homage to Chuck Yeager: "The Right Stuffed"?? (Apt just after Thanksgiving!)
    I'll go to my room now!

  9. Quote: In other news, I got a new phone yesterday, the Samsung Galaxy S7 Edge, and it hasn't blown up yet.

    Well, keep an eye on the camera lens

  10. I'm cornvinced that Kelly's Heroes would score a straight 40...

    1. I dunno? PSP might be low on that one, then again I could be wrong. I often am. (And don't tell anyone.)


Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)
Can't be nice, go somewhere else...

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