Friday, February 17, 2017

Jealousy is manifested with infantile attempts at humor!*

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It all started innocently enough yesterday when an old fellow Air Force sarge (and F-4 maintainer like me) left this comment:
That fighter pilot video brought to mind a number of jokes about them, but--not being sure of your censoring guidelines--I don't feel free to repeat most of them. Except this one. 
Q. What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot?
A. ___________ 
Come on, Sarge. Fill in the blank. You KNOW the answer.
Then Tuna had to chime in with:
No offense to Big-Time, but what's the difference between a cactus and a Hornet driver?
Juvat knew the answer to Tuna's riddle, but also chimed in with:
Heard 'em all....Jealousy is manifested with infantile attempts at humor!
That would be the blogging equivalent of "Fight's on, Fight's on!"
The gauntlet has been thrown down...

Let's do this!



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Oddly enough, the only funny meme I could find about aircraft maintenance was this:

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Okay, they weren't all pilot jokes, when I see something that tweaks my old service, which gives me a laugh, then yeah, I'll share it. Oh, and by the way, these three guys were all in the Air Force. Seriously.


OAFS has a lock...

Fox Two!




* So sayeth Juvat.

46 comments:

  1. Well, the only one of those memes withe even a shred of truth was the growing up one.

    But, your offer of verbal combat has been accepted.

    Your out of envelop Fox 2 easily defeated and a BVR AMRAAM shot has been sent your way.

    En Garde!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's the verbal equivalent to "sitting way over here shooting SA-21s while you guys tussle?"

      Delete
    2. Ruh roh.

      Better get your RHAW gear up and singing!

      Delete
    3. Beware Bear, I have been known to carry a ARM or two as well as an air to air load.

      Delete
  2. Back before the Iraq War, my daughter used to write to a AF pilot friend who was based somewhere in the Middle East patrolling no fly zones. Apparently he had lots of downtime. He wrote great letters telling funny stories about things like being issued new huge knives to go with their other huge knives and trimming off any stray strings found on their flight suits. So my daughter sent him a package with a cross stitch kit of a heart in an American flag - saying maybe he could cross stitch in his spare time and use his new knife. He opened the package in front of his fellow pilots. He wrote back, "You are a very funny girl."

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  3. I read the post, watched the video and I have joined into the spirited inter-service banter upon occasion. (I did not realize just how large the forehead vein could get until I glanced up at the Coast Guard Ensign that I was bantering with)
    I saw all this as good natured kidding until I had the watch experience. To be clear, an actual wristwatch, not standing a watch.
    Not long ago my plastic wristwatch died, and since the screen was scratched to near illegibility I decided to just replace the watch. Sadly, the watch company no longer made the watch in the exact same size, and I had to choose between a much smaller watch, or a bigger watch. Well, even with those newfangled progressive glasses, I figured that larger numbers would be easier to see than smaller numbers, and when the watch showed up it turned out to be a good bit bigger than I thought it would be, I guess I goofed up the metric conversion because this watch was huge. I tried it anyway and from the instant I put it on my wrist something changed. My normally somewhat juvenile attitude towards life in general became more juvenile by at least an order of magnitude, my consumption of adult beverages spiked markedly upward, I was spending hours in front of the mirror getting my appearance just right, and even the simplest conversation began with, "There I was..." and seemed to involve an inordinate amount of hand waving.
    My wife made me get rid of the watch when animals, small children, and members of the opposite sex began following me everywhere I went.

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  4. A laugh out loud post with equally great comments.

    Paul L. Quandt

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  5. A captured fighter pilot was being questioned by the enemy but never spoke. Despite the efforts of the best interrogators, the pilot never said a single word in response. Suddenly, friendly forces freed him in a lightning raid.

    On return to base, the pilot was celebrated as a hero for his resistance to his captors. A press conference was scheduled.

    The first reporter to be called on asked, "How was it that you that you were able to resist the enemy methods and not talk?"

    The hero cleared his throat and said, "Well, I COULDN'T talk. They had tied my hands together."

    Thus ended the press conference.

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    Replies
    1. Apparently this one also applies to Italian POWs.

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    2. That's a saying the Germans in NATO had: if you wanted an Italian to stop talking, you tied his hands.

      Delete
  6. Amusing, the comments and quips. Fortunately General Aviation pilots are all quiet, unassuming, and competent.

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  7. Good stuff Sarge. Brings a smile to the face.

    If you want to read about some great Navy vs Air Force Fighter Pilot banter/rivalry, do some searching for ACEVAL/AIMVAL circa 1975 or so.

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  8. I, of course, have too much respect for the other branches to ever cast aspersions (HSWHTPFIHC - because all of the really good stuff is on the PC and it's 163 miles away).

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  9. Surprise to me: another ex-airman besides the three you noted was Bob Ross, the guy who painted those "happy little trees" for PBS. He was the first shirt for the Eielson AFB clinic in the '70s.
    http://airforcelive.dodlive.mil/2015/01/before-they-were-famous-airman-edition/

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    Replies
    1. I think I knew that but had forgotten it, in the link I also see Morgan Freeman was one of us.

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  10. Official photographs (top left to bottom right) 1) Experiencing Constipation 2) Experiencing Severe Constipation 3) Diarrhea 4) Passed Gas and nobody knew!

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha!

      Well, the Air Force guy is a pilot after all.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha!

      I'd have to see his watch first.

      Delete
  11. Dang, you Air Force guys are more self-deprecating than Naval Flight Officers. Those memes are funny as heck though. As was the watch joke.

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    Replies
    1. The WSO threatened me with bodily harm if I attacked NFOs, backseaters, bears, or pitters.

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    2. Yes, Well....There is this tale of "Steps".

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    3. Hahaha!

      There is that. Murph you listening?

      Delete
  12. Re: the Dog. I'd have to agree with that one. I mean, the guy on the right is a "Tanker" pilot after all. I'm sure the Dog's just holding the guy in position until the Beanie Wearers arrive to make him eat concrete for being in a controlled are without properly displaying his line badge. Just sayin'.

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    Replies
    1. Good eye Juvat.

      I guess as you're in no need of midair refueling in the future it's okay to pick on tanker drivers.

      Eating concrete, no fun, never had to do that myself but have seen it. The Beanie Queenies don't mess around.

      Delete
  13. Just went to juvat's link to "Steps". Had not read that before. Re: crew chief, fighter crew chiefs differ from transport crew chiefs. We of the C-141 sort did a few more things than you listed. Still, much to same sort of fun, although, C-141s had a bed onboard, much more comfortable than sitting in the pilot's seat of a fighter.

    Paul L. Quandt

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    Replies
    1. Dam_, should be "the", not "to".

      PLQ

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    2. Glad you liked that one, Paul. It's a favorite story of mine.

      C-141s were much more comfy than the F-4.

      Delete
    3. As to the typo, no sweat, my onboard translator made the swap auto-magically.

      Delete
  14. I'm pretty sure I shouldn't do it but, what the hey, here goes: "Dear Lord, please give me the eyes of an eagle, the heart of a lion, the wisdom of an owl, and the balls of an Army helicopter pilot." You're welcome to fill in the requestor but the initials "FP" work well. Shot, out. regards, Alemaster

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    Replies
    1. Ah yes, I see the Army has entered the arena.

      Helo drivers, balls, roger that. It's why helicopters have to generate so much lift.

      Good one Alemaster. On target.

      Delete
    2. As I understand the physics of helicopter flying (aka very limited), if the engine fails in a helicopter, a rock has better gliding capability. An F-4 if both engines failed could fly 1' forward for every 1' down. Almost a glider in comparison. So yes Alemaster, large cojones.
      However....
      That goes a long way to explaining the fighter pilot adage that the only time it's good to see a helo overhead is when it's picking your pink butt out of the jungle.

      Delete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)