Updated from 2014: Le Carte es Merde

 

So, there I was....* Retired from the Air Force almost 22 years now. My first non-Air Force job was working in a school district providing IT support after teaching computer science for a couple years. Stayed there for about 20 years (qualified for a second retirement paycheck). Now am retired retired.  During the teaching years we also owned and profitably sold two wine related retail businesses which introduced me to some fine friends, two of whom owned one of the finest wineries in Texas.  In fact their 2006 Syrah was rated as one of 12 Excellent wines in the United States. We enjoy wine, so having friends in the industry has its perks. Unfortunately, since this is a rerun from 12 years ago, some things have changed, Gary, the winemaker in the pictures passed away a year or so ago.  Good Friend and we miss him.
 

Several years ago, the four of us decided fly to France and vacation with two other friends stationed nearby.  For various reasons, November had worked for our busy schedules.  Their harvest was over and the hectic activities in the crush have slowed down.  School had started and we'd gone through a couple of grading cycles so except for the occasional paper jam, most of the teacher technological panic attacks have slowed way down. So, November it is.

Destination--France.  Unlike Sarge, I've never been assigned to Europe and but thanks to a few TDYs, have been able to visit a bit.  Enough to want to go back. Paris, the City of Lights will be our base camp with day trips to various areas of interest around the country.

Vacation has arrived and we have arrived at CDG (AKA Charles de Gaulle Airport), transitioned to the train, then to the subway and have arrived at our hotel near the Ecole Militaire.  Check in was mercifully quick and we head to the elevator to go to our rooms.  The elevator was quaint.  You had a choice.  Either you, or your bags, could use the elevator, not both.  I go up.  Mrs. Juvat loads bags from below, then joins me.  "You Americans! This is not a bug, but a feature!"

Knowing that jet lag is minimized by staying awake until bed time in the new time zone, we go walking about.  

 

Given that this was the view from our hotel room, we decide on where we are going.

We spend the next couple of days exploring Paris with all the usual suspects.

We saw some pretty ladies.

Go to Church.

Drink some wine.

For some reason, this resonates with my twisted sense of humor.

Spend a lot of time consulting maps.

Even ask for directions.  This fellow was helpful.

We did not get lost. I've never been "lost", that position where you don't know where you are, nor how to get where your going, or even how to figure out where you were.  Nope never!

A low level fly by of a ROKAF runway was simply a matter of practicing airfield attack tactics.  Their calls on Guard questioning my identity simply confirm the effectiveness of my tactics.

Gratuitous Airplane Shot
Source RCGroups.com

 

I digress.  We have successfully navigated a very large city.  It is time to expand our horizons.  We decide to visit Reims.  As I said earlier, having wine makers as friends has it's perks.  We are going to get a private tour of Veuve Clicqout

 

Not usually a fan of Champagne, but this was excellent.

I wonder if they'd miss just one.

 

Successfully returned to our hotel, we plan the next day trip,  I'd always heard about the beaches in France, so we decide to visit one.

This beach is named for a town in Nebraska. Big Red One visited here. Quite a few decided to stay.

Returned from that trip, sobered, but emboldened of our navigational abilities, we decide we want to sample wine from the Loire Valley. We take a train to the town of Tours because that's what we want to do.( I know, "try the veal, I'll be here all week.")

Rent a car and drive to Chinon,  a French Castle astride the Vienne River near Anjou.

With drawbridges on either end, the castle has instant moat protection from an attack.  It was interesting, the gardens are beautiful, but it's time to find wine!  The castle gift shop has a map purporting to have all the local wineries on it.  I purchase it and we hop in the car and are off. The ladies are in the back seat and as good back seaters they have assumed the navigational responsibilities.  We get back on the road and they tell me to start looking for a major highway which we will cross.  We find it and do.  A defined starting point.  They tell me to drive for about 10km when we will come to a village.  We do.  "Take a right, 10 km to next village".  "Take a left".  "We should be coming into village named  xxx".  I can't find anything that says what village we're in at all.  Continue on in this manner for a while and finally come into a village on a river.  It's about lunch time, and we spy an Auberge.

We decide we'll stop and get lunch and ask directions while we're there.

We walk in the front door and are greeted, in French, by the Maitre D', the waiter, the proprietor, cook and busboy. He was a busy man.

He speaks no English.  There are several, male patrons in the Auberge, one of whom comes up to us and says "I speak English!". Great,  I ask him if the restaurant is open and could we get lunch.  He says "I speak English! Your wife is sexy!"  Well, I think so, but....Those phrases seems to be his version of my fluency in 22 languages (the ability to order a beer and find a restroom, neither of which I particularly need at this time).

I pantomime an eating gesture and the Maitre D', the waiter, the proprietor, cook and busboy takes us to a table.  A couple of minutes later, he brings out a terrine of something and cuts off a slice, placing it on my plate.  Points at it and pantomimes eating.  Now, I've eaten balut and lived to tell about it, I'm not intimidated.  I cut a piece of what is probably the innards of some long dead animal and commence to chow down.  The bar erupts in cheers and clapping.  Having passed whatever test was presented to us, we are now old friends,  Wine is poured, food is served and lunch goes on for quite a while.  At some time, I approach my new friend, (the all in one Maitre D'...) with my map and explain our situation.  With the wine consumed at lunch, my friend's English and my French are improving rapidly, or maybe it was the pointing at the map and scrunching my shoulders while lifting my hands.  In any case, We've communicated and he starts unfolding the map from where I had opened it to our supposed location. And unfolds, and unfolds, and unfolds.  Evidently, we are about 30 miles from where we thought we were.

I point to where we think we are, and he shakes his head and points at the location on the map.  I look at him quizzically and he responds "Le Carte es Merde!" (Google translate does a reasonable job on the statement.) 

I point to one of the bottles of wine we'd consumed and then pointed at the map with my patented "Where the hell are we?" gesture, and he points out where the winery is and the route necessary to arrive there.  We pay our bill, thank him profusely and get back in the car. Crank it up and promptly turn the wrong way.

I don't get very far when I realize my error and turn around.  Drive past the Auberge and the clientele is outside, bent over in laughter!

My friend the English speaker on the right

We manage to find the winery and taste some very fine Vouvray.

I am certain that should we find our way back to that Auberge, they will still be talking about the Americans that came to visit.

 

We had a great time, visited quite a few places I wanted to visit, drank some excellent wine and made a few friends.  In other words, an excellent vacation.  I highly recommend it.

 

Peace out, y'all! 

 

*Standard Fighter Pilot beginning to a story which may or may not be completely true! 

Heck! Let's find out.

 

Ok, folks,  please ensure you've taken your blood pressure meds before reading this article in Fox news this morning. This falls into the category of YGBSM.

 

 

 

This fine upstanding citizen of the United States was convicted for killing a State Trooper 25 years ago.   While convicted and sentenced to death, a judge said that the guy believed he is "...immortal, and has already died three times on death row and will be resurrected again if the state executes him."

He also believes "...the judge at his 2002 trial and courtroom personnel were working against him because they were agents of "Beloved Kevin Rudolph," a deity that he thinks is part of a battle to rule the planet, according to the South Carolina Daily Gazette. Wood also believes he was given wings and immortality to win this fight."

Insane or Play acting, one way or the other, murder is murder.  IMHO. carry out the sentence. Let's send him the to the Lord's courthouse and let him decide where this guy goes next.

But that's just me, being understanding, at least of the term "Murder".  

Gonna take a day or two for me to calm down enough to "Peace out, y'all! " But I'll try.  

 

Cruising Norwegian Fjords

 

Ok, Campers, the juvat gang is fixin' (Texan for "getting ready") to go on another trip. (Update: our reservation is in August.) My travel agent, whom I sleep with every night, has decided the juvat family members in “Jolly Olde” need a "get together" vacation.  Given that we haven’t seen the Granddaughter in 2 years (except on video chat) and Little J is stationed in England with his family, she decided a ship cruise out of Southampton, England would be fun, and easier to keep the us all entertained.

So it is written, so it shall be!

Given the Granddaughter’s age, Mrs J decided a Disney Cruise would be fun for the group. Frankly, I enjoy Disney also.  But, then again, I've never really grown up.  "C'est la vie!" 

Source

 The Cruise is 7 nights, Southampton to Southampton, 2 days at sea and 4 ports of call.  Only one of which I've ever heard about.

Source

 

First port of call is Haugesund Norway (pronounced How' Gey Send).  Evidently they have live re-enactments of Viking History.  You know me and history.  Mrs J had my support for the vacay at that point. I'm not sure that 7 hours in port will be sufficient, but I don't want to miss the boat.

Source

 

Second port of call is Olden, Norway.  A small village in a Norwegian Fjord.  Really looking forward to visiting this Fjord and we've got 10 hours in port, so should be doable.

 

Source

 

Third port of call is one I'm sure Sarge would like.  Alesund, Norway.  I mean how bad could a town named Ale's anything be? 

 

Source

 

The last port of call, Stavanger, Norway is one I'm particularly interested in.  Holy Mackerel, look at the View!  I believe it's called Preikestolen (for us non-Norwegian speakers, Pulpit Rock). 

As an aside, I would love to take an Eagle down that valley looking up at the bystanders.  (I bet they'd love it also.). 

ANYHOW!  Expect more pictures upon return. (No, not from a cockpit!) 

Peace out, y'all! 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

Updated from 2014, "Last Guy on Base"

 One of my favorite tales, and Sarge needed a break. 

So.  There I was…..*  It is the day before the start of an ORI (operational readiness inspection).  This event would serve as the wing and squadron commander’s report card as well as determine any future assignments/promotions in the USAF for them, ergo no pressure. 

Maintenance will begin generating the deploying aircraft first thing in the morning and as they are available, the squadron will deploy its 24 F-15Cs to Kwang Ju AB ROK.  The other squadrons are doing the same thing, although, they will only deploy to the Navy side of the base, a cost saving measure.  I prefer the deployment option, less distractions.

 On my last practice ride before the fun begins, I am flying an F-15C in a fuel conserving orbit somewhere in the low 30s with a mission to “protect” Okinawa from overflight by a Mig-25 that will supposedly make a run at the island. For this mission, the role of the Mig will be played by an SR-71 (nicknamed Habu, a venomous snake found in the orient.)

 

Habu (Source)

 

  Being based at Kadena, the SR-71 has to slow down and descend in order to land.  While doing that, they pass through the parameters a Mig-25 would fly on an operational mission in Korea.  The Habu Bubbas call it their “low, slow” profile.

  

Yeah, Yeah…..

 

Brian Shul* in flight
Source: en.wikipedia.org

An operational F-15 tops out in level flight at about 55K (centerline bag configuration, don’t know what it would be for the current two wing tank config). The SR-71 will be in the low to mid 70’s and in the high Mach 2’s. This mission’s success is a matter of arriving at a specific point in space at a specific climb angle with a specific energy state.  A lot can go wrong and has, but a missed intercept on an ORI is bad juju.

 

Source: www.flickr.com

As I was remembering details about this and researching, I came upon this article which talks about the maneuver I’m going to perform.  It is called the Rutowski climb profile and is all about energy management.  If you’re into complex math, go read the article.  Some of you will undoubtedly be able to figure out the equations.  Fortunately, there was a diagram I basically remembered.

Source

I’m orbiting at Position C on the diagram.  Once GCI determines the target is inbound and reaches commit range, I will begin flying the rest of the profile (C-E), trying to arrive at E with my nose about 45 degrees up, still above the Mach, at launch range and about 45K’.  If I meet those parameters, I will have enough nose authority to keep the target illuminated for the time of flight of the missile(s).  There will be 4 in flight.

 

This is actually an ASAT test launch, but the parameters are basically the same.
Source: commons.wikimedia.org

Since the SR-71 is travelling at about 1NM every 2 seconds, there is no time for error.  

 

Source en.wikipedia.org

Commit range is about 250nm.  I will turn hot at 350NM. Once I’m pointed at him, I will begin accelerating in Mil Power while beginning a slight climb to gain as much total energy as I can prior to commit. (Total energy is airspeed and altitude.)  At 250NM, I will go Max AB and begin a zero g dive.  This eliminates the drag caused by the aircraft’s lift and maximizes the velocity I can achieve, while minimizing the altitude (potential energy) loss.  At 150NM, I begin a 4 g pull to a 45 degree climb and maintain that throughout the remainder of the intercept.  Oh, and by the way, the F-15’s radar only goes out to 200NM, so while in the midst of this maneuver, I have to locate the target and lock on.  GCI’s radar sweep is too slow to control the intercept.  The closure rate will cause them to tell me to pull too late for a successful intercept.

As I said, there’s a lot going on and no room for error.

I get the call to turn hot, and am now on the attack vector, I’m just under the Mach and in my slight climb around 35K.  I get the commit call, light AB and push over.  I’ve got the radar run out to max range and get the first contact there.  I get the lock on and, Mother Bear, this guy’s fast!  By the time the radar is settled in, he’s about 180.  I’m well above the Mach and down to around 27K.  150NM and pull.  45 degrees set, through 30K, 35K.  Everything looks steady, target is steady in the HUD (a good sign, if he was moving up the HUD, that would mean I was behind on the intercept). 

Coming through 40K, I suddenly feel as if a large nail has been shot through my jaw and into my skull.  The pain is blinding and getting worse!  I roll the aircraft what I think is about 180 degrees and begin a pull to get the nose coming back down.  I recognize the symptoms from altitude chamber training in Pilot Training.  I've either got air trapped in a sinus or a tooth.  In either case, I’ve got to get the aircraft down below the altitude the incident occurred as quickly as possible.

As soon as I get below 40K, it’s as if someone flips a switch, the pain switches from incapacitatingly sharp to dull residual.  I call “Knock it off” to GCI and the SR-71 and tell them I’m RTB.  As I continue to descend, the pain continues to abate, so I come down initial and land.  Get back in the squadron and find the Flight Surgeon.  He runs me through an X-ray, nothing wrong with my sinuses, so sends me off to the Dentist.  I've got a cracked filling on one of my molars.  No problem.  Drill it out and replace it.

Later that evening, I get a call at home from the Dentist.  “I’m not sure I got all the air out.  We should probably try an Altitude Chamber ride first thing in the morning.”  Well, there went my deploying in an Eagle!  Oh, and by the way, I’ll know if he didn't get it all with a repeat of this morning’s episode.  

 

Source: commons.wikimedia.org

I’m in the altitude chamber, watching the altimeter climb.  Just me and the technician in the box.  35K, 38K, 39K, 40K, 41K, maybe……42K BAM!  Holy Crap this hurts!  I don’t even have to say anything; the tech can see it in my eyes.  We start back down. 

To his credit, and mortal risk, the Dentist is waiting at the chamber door when it opens.  I ask him what’s next and he says root canal.  Perfect!  Can this day get any better?  I call the squadron and tell them I’m not going to be flying an Eagle up and what are the Airlift departure times?  They tell me they’re all today.  I ask the Dentist when he’ll be done with the root canal.  I can’t fly in anything, until tomorrow morning. 

 

 

Coulda been this, instead....
Source: en.wikipedia.org

I get this.
Source:commons.wikimedia.org

Now, what?  I ask the squadron to find anything going to Korea tomorrow, and then go have my root canal.

I find out there’s a C-130 leaving for Kunsan first thing in the morning and I make arrangements to be on it.  

Wake up the next morning with the command post calling asking me to swing by the squadron to grab the mission planning computer that had somehow been left behind.  So, I’ve got my A-3 bag with my gear, and I’m going to carry a late 80s era CPU?  That would be ok, if I were getting off the 130 at Kwang Ju, but I have to take a taxi from Kunsan to the bus terminal, get on a bus to Kwang Ju. (Google Maps shows that to be 5 hour plus today, the roads weren’t as good back then).   Hail another cab to the airbase and then flag someone down to catch a ride to the squadron.

I drive by the squadron, and the entire building is empty.  Nobody around at all.  My squadron is in Korea, the other squadrons are on the other side of the base.  I am the last man standing.  I grab the CPU and depart for the MAC terminal and get on the 130.

I make it to the Kunsan bus terminal, (in flight suit), get my ticket to Kwang Ju and actually find the right bus.  I’m struggling a bit trying to get all the stuff going in the right direction, when a ROK Army Enlisted guy takes pity on me, comes up and offers to help.  I ask him to carry my gear. (The computer is No Forn**.)  He does and on arrival at Kwang Ju, hails the cab and tells them where I need to go.  (My ability to order a beer and find a bathroom in Korean being of no use to me at this point.)

I arrive at the front gate, the SPs let me in and call the squadron.  The bread truck arrives and I load all the stuff on board and am climbing in, when the siren goes off.

  

Airfield attack, condition black!  Welcome to the ORI, Juvat! 

 

* I knew Brian as a member of my squadron at Holloman.  A good guy, excellent pilot and an exceptional instrutor.  Received an assignment to the SR-71 after Holloman.  He passed away in 2023.   

 

** NoForn- Not to be used nor inspected by any foreign nationals, friendly or (especially) not. 

Who knew "Ze Fronch" had a history?

OK, as most of you are aware, Mrs J put together a wine cruise a few weeks ago that sponsored the winemaker from Untamed Wine Estates, a winery near our old hometown of Fredericksburg (TX for those who didn't know).  The river boat could hold about 140 guests, 50 or so of which were from our area of Texas.  The wine tastings were very well attended with our group and a growing group of other passengers.  The first session a few non-Texans came in and asked if they could join.  The winemaker said "of course".  Word got around pretty quick and the room filled up. Lots of fun and meeting new folks from around the world.  But when not tasting wine, we spent a lot of time in various French small towns.

We got on board the boat at Lyon France, sailed down the Rhone to Arles, France, got on a bus to Marseille and flew home.  Sounds boring doesn't it.  Well, yes, the flight over and back were boring. 

Source

 However....As an amateur historian at heart, I was looking forward to seeing the historical sites.  Suffice it to say there was an awful lot of history to be seen on the Rhone river.  Our ship was the AmaWaterways AmaKristina, a very nice comfortable ride with but few  guests on board (~140, the boat's limit).

 

Amakristina

 The views were awesome!

This was a typical view of the hillsides along the Rhone River.    Lots of castles like this one.  The vineyard is a lot (LOT, LOT) steeper than my phone could capture.

 

Below is a picture of the entry to a bridge across the Rhone near Lyon France.  If I recall correctly, and that's a big IF, this was build in the 12-1300's.  Impressive even now.

 

 

The picture below was of a battlement that guarded the gates to one of the early towns we stopped in.  Probably Viviers.  Notice the skinny gate below the towers.  Not many invaders could come through at any one time.

This was the other side of that gate.  Notice it's a fairly long, skinny passageway.  Again,  invaders would have a hard time getting through.  That would be Mrs. J in the photo.  If she'd have spread her arms, she'd be very close to touching both walls at once.

 

 

 

As we walked out the other side of the town wall, the pictures above were of the view of the castle where the battle would be fought, or at least where the town folks hoped it would be fought. This was the invaders point of view looking up at the castle.  

 

 

 As we walked up to the Castle, (which provided quite a bit of exercise to work off the excellent Cruise Food), we discovered a bit of middle ages artillery, a trebuchet.  Hadn't ever seen one in person, but recognized it from stories.  Very cool, unless you were on the receiving end.

 

 

Not sure exactly what this was there for (no plaque explaining anything) but it looked pretty cool. 

 

 

This was the view from the top, at least a thousand feet up, maybe more.  Yes, Sarge, we walked up.  Yes, I took a couple of extra-strength Tylenol that evening.

 

We did a bit of winery exploration and wine tasting over the next week or so.  Excellent wines, Unbelievable scenery with a nap or two included.  BP was quite low. 

The final morning of the cruise, we took a tour of our last town, Arles.  Our guide was very educated in the history of his region.  Kept me pretty enthralled and could answer all my questions. (And I asked a lot...an awful lot.)  

My wife reminded me that this was a bath house! 

This isn't a great picture as I couldn't get it all in.  According to him, the top story (not shown in the picture. It didn't turn out) was built in the 1600's, the lighter story in the picture was built in the 1300s and the bottom story in the picture was in the 00s.  That was extremely thought provoking.  But we're on the edge of the Med and not very far from Rome, so quite probably true.

The guide also showed us this site.  If you notice in the center of the shot, there are some parallel lines.  According to the guide, those were likely caused by chariots, back in the day as it was at the same level as the lower levels above.

 

So, a very educational, relaxing, entertaining, restful, enjoyable trip.  Well.  Enjoyable except for the LOOONNNNNGGGG flights to and fro.  But we'd do it again.  3rd cruise on AMA Waterways....Highly recommended.

Peace out, y'all!