Thursday, May 30, 2013

Not Sure How I'm Supposed to Take This


Had a phone call from The Nuke the other day. Regarding a situation which I was aware of, yet was trying not to think about, deal with or otherwise contemplate. It's also a situation that she and the Missus Herself have been keeping me in the dark about except for some very broad and vague pieces of data. Apparently so that I wouldn't be completely blindsided when what would be, for The Nuke and the Missus Herself, the inevitable occurred. They also both know that I'm an emotional guy and tend to get too easily attached to people, places and things.

The phone call from The Nuke started with "Hi Dad, I got divorced this morning." Stated with her usual sang-froid, perhaps with just a touch of puckish amusement therein as well.

Okay, so you know something is coming. Something for which you're not really prepared to deal with, yet it's something you don't really need to deal with. Except perhaps at an emotional level. So now I'm dealing with this. As are all of those impacted by this event.

Both parties to this particular divorce seem to view it as perhaps I would view the need to purchase a new car. Well, no, actually that's a bad analogy. They seem to be viewing it as would a normal person view the need to buy a new car. For you see, I get very attached to my vehicles. To me, selling or trading in my car is equivalent to having to shoot a beloved old horse. Something like this -


But you get my drift, neh? To T-Rex and The Nuke this seems to fall into the category of "this is no big deal, things just didn't work out". At least that's the way I perceive it. There may be deeper emotional currents involved but the ladies hide these things very well. And I'm a guy. I don't do subtlety, I don't do nuance.

So I yeah, I feel bad for my daughter. But am I supposed to? She doesn't appear to be overly upset about it. I think that stage passed a while ago. She's a very practical and logical young lady. (When she was young I used to say she was part Vulcan. Her temper, which is fearsome to behold, suggests she may also be part Klingon. Okay, enough of the Star Trek references, some of my older audience may not grok those.)

So I' not sure how I'm supposed to react to this news. I kinda liked T-Rex. But it's not like we ever really bonded. Except for one brief trip to pick up pies for Christmas dinner one year.

And the pies turned out to be disappointments. Was that some sort of cosmic foreshadowing? I don't know.

I just know that I'm down one son-in-law. Not sure what I'm supposed to "feel" or how I'm supposed to react. Guess I'll just support The Nuke. I am her Dad, she has always had my first loyalty.

Blood is thicker than water.

Still and all, this kinda sucks.

12 comments:

  1. It does suck. My daughter is going through it now, divorced 1 year and left with 3 kids. I do know the x is a big cheating lying dick. What you gonna do?

    I am away to NC next week to kid sit while she works on starting a career.

    Oh...I hate turning an old car in as well!

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    1. Damn. Three kids? At least The Nuke doesn't have any kids who will suffer from this thing.

      Have fun in NC. Enjoy the grand-kids! (Mine all live in Cali, I don't get to see them nearly enough!)

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  2. As a dad, we wanna fix this, but we can't and that too sucks.

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    1. I think that's why the Nuke and the Missus Herself kept things vague. Probably worried that Dad would attempt to "fix things". And yeah, I would've tried and yeah, I would've failed.

      Sigh...

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  3. This does indeed suck. I've kinda-sorta been through it once (SN1 has been married twice) but I do believe it's different with daughters.

    That said, I'm with you. I just wouldn't know how to act in the face of similar sang-froid.

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    1. Left me all aback it did.

      Didn't know whether to sh!t or go blind.

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  4. Greg said it for me. When my daughter and her husband experienced 'difficulties' my first reaction was to jump in and straighten everything out. Give advice and expect it to be followed, etc. But they're adults and sometimes all we can do is stand aside, support all we can and let things go where they will. We took the kids for 4 months and allowed them time to talk and evolve. It worked out in the end but it was touch and go for a while. I sympathize with you but there just ain't nothing to be done except what you're already doing and hope for the best.

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    1. Yup, I get that. I realize that there was probably nothing I could have done to change the outcome.

      Thanks Six.

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  5. It is yet one more way for us to feel powerless when it comes to our children. My son went through this, it broke his heart, he was devastated when he told us, delivered in person at the time. Fortunately, no children were harmed in the breaking of his marriage, just his heart. Her? Not so much, she had already found safe refuge in the arms of another and there was naught that I could do to fix it but console him that life gets better. He has subsequently found a wonderful woman and they are married. He would not be where he is had these things not happened. I went through one with the same results, we've now been married for over 30 years and it never would have happened had things not played out like they did. I did find that the day the divorce was final, it hit me harder than I thought. I'd recommend calling your daughter on that day to bolster her as I suspect she'll discover the same thing. Unlike buying a car, she and her ex entered into this for better reasons than they had no other plans that day. I suspect she'll be surprised that it will creep up on her despite her thoughts to the contrary.

    I'd love to be wrong.

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    1. The lesson that is constant for those of us paying attention is that "life is hard". Not always, but there are those days. I'm also a firm believer in the "things happen for a reason" philosophy. Nothing is random, if it's meant to be, it will be. If not, then not.

      Time will tell.

      Thanks Marcus.

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Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)