Saturday, May 25, 2013

Open Mic Night (Sort Of...)

This is a first for me. My buddy Tuna sent me some excellent material for the blog this weekend. So this is the very first "Open Mic Night". Note that the title also says "Sort Of". Well, there is no microphone, this is all text and graphics, but it's kind of the same as letting folks step up to the microphone, or blog in this case, and state their piece. So take it away Tuna... (Editor's Note: I added a few pictures. Because I like pictures...)

Thinking of our buddies, family members,
friends, neighbors and all the others
who made the ultimate sacrifice.
You've certainly seen this before ... just a fun read.

Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. 
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough. 
3. Have a plan. 
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work. 
5. Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet. 
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.' 
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive. 
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal preferred.) 
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible. 
10. Flank your adversary. When possible, protect yours. 
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose. 
12. In ten years, nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived. 
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot..

Navy SEAL Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses. 
2. Kill every living thing in sight. 
3. Adjust Speedo. 
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers' Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving. 
2. Locate individuals requiring killing. 
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing. 
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted. 
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order. 
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee. 
3. Curse bitterly. 
4. Curse bitterly. 
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed. 
6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail. 
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner. 
3. See what's on HBO. 
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?' 
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation. 
6. Wine and dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD and defense industry executives. 
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets. 
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict, but close enough to have tax exemption.
(Editor's Note: Hey, that's not...        Er, never mind. Concur. Carry on.)

US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea. 
2. Drink Coffee. 
3. Deploy Marines

(Editor's Note: I added this one...)

US Coast Guard Rule:
1. You have to go out, you don't have to come  back.

Thanks Tuna. You were right, that is good material!


  1. Thanks everyone, glad you enjoyed it. I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitresses. Anybody here from San Diego? Can I get a ride home?

    1. Heh. I might just have to keep you around!

  2. What I wanna know is, who let those snipes topside in the Navy photo?

    1. Heh. I didn't notice their rates until you mentioned it.

  3. Sigh. BIG freakin' SIGH. Those of us dressed in "the blue from the skies and a pretty girl's eyes" get NO respect.

    PS: It's a lil warm in here. Could you turn the air up just a lil bit?

    1. Heh.

      (Of course, this is what happens when you let the nautical types take the helm. Oh wait, we're Air Force, do we even know what a "helm" is?)

    2. ... do we even know what a "helm" is?

      Why, yes. Yes we DO. Number 43.

    3. Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaa.

      Given the time of year, I'm glad I gave you an opening for a hockey reference. Particularly a Red Wings reference!


Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)