Saturday, May 18, 2013

Ultima Ratio Regum*

The Artillery Company of Newport
Founded 1741
*With apologies to URR of Bring the Heat, Bring the Stupid.

Artillery adds dignity to what otherwise would be a vulgar brawl.

- Attributed to Friedrich der Große (König von Preußen, 1740-1786)

Once upon a time I told the story of when my comrades and I seized the Fort at Number Four. (
Here for those of you with an interest.) In that post I mentioned my stint as an amateur artilleryman. Serving a gun much like this:
James 6-pounder Cannon
Now when I sat down today in front of my computer I had absolutely no clue as to what I was going to write about. Normally I wander about Google searching various and sundry random things to see if that will activate the blogging portion of my brain. Such as it is. Today, for some reason, I decided to Google "artillery" (I could blame these guys.)

What should catch my attention almost immediately? This. The Artillery Company of Newport (here in little Rhody). That's their building in the opening photo. Hhmm, cool. Revolutionary War. Smoothbore cannon. Black powder. Spiffy uniforms. What's not to like? (Yeah, yeah. I know. No airplanes. But it's not all jets all the time. Just most of the time.)

So while I'm perusing their website (the tune playing in the background was starting to bug me, then I actually listened to it, kinda catchy in a way, but I digress) I note this "click here if interested in joining" thingee. So I figure "What the Hell?" It's actually just an e-mail form where you provide name, address and phone number. So I sent the information off. I mean I have actually fired a cannon before. It's not like I'm a complete neophyte. I mean the open end of the gun gets pointed at the bad guy, right?

Of course, I also know some of the safety precautions one should exercise around these bellowing monsters. After all, they are designed to blow things up and kill people. So they've gotta be kinda dangerous, right? (That was rhetorical. Cannon can be very dangerous, as can any weapon in the hands of idiots inexperienced personnel.) Though it's been a while, isn't firing a cannon like riding a bike? (Or something like that.)

So I might be getting into this endeavor. I mean it looks cool - 

And this is how they celebrate Christmas!

They have a museum!

So we'll see how this plays out. Who knows, if all goes as planned, maybe I'll have some smoothbore artillery stories to tell in the future?

Just think of the cool photos. Me in an old-timey uniform with cocked hat and all. With things that go boom. I'll keep you, ahem, posted.

Maybe I'll start blogging as Ye Olde Gunner Sarge? (Um, no. I'll stick with what I know best. Buck gets annoyed enough with my "squiddly propaganda". Can't imagine what his reaction to me going all "cannon cocker" on y'all would be.)

Cannon. Oh boy!


  1. Well, my FIRST thought was "why would you wanna go manufacture cannons?" And then I realized we were speaking Ground-Pounder when we say "Artillery Company." My Bad.

    Sounds like a good gig to me. I kinda like spiffy uniforms and things that go boom.

    1. Yeah, I'm all about the spiffy uniforms and things that go boom. It appeals to my inner ten year old.

  2. Let me be the first to welcome you into the RedLeg community Sarge. You'll love us. We are uniformly intelligent, handsome and possessors of penii of truly mammoth proportions.

    A few words of advice if I may. Remember that Lanyards are smoothly pulled not yanked. The large hole in the end of the barrel thing is the dangerous part. The Jesus Nut is real and terrifying. And most importantly

    Newbies buy the first round.

    Welcome aboard!!

    1. Lanyards? Lanyards? Why back in my day you used a slow match. And stayed back out of the path of the wheels.

      Always with the "Newbies buy the first round". Heh, like I needed to be told.

      Thanks Six. Let's see if they'll take me first!

  3. Sounds very cool! Will be standing by for more information. And pictures. Always pictures!

    1. I will be keeping you all posted as my artillery career progresses. Definitely pictures!


Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)