On Liberty and Parenting

John Ruskin
(8 February 1819 – 20 January 1900)
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The other day whilst traveling through the blogosphere, I came upon an interesting quote over at Rev Paul's place -

One evening, when I was yet in my nurse's arms, I wanted to touch the tea urn, which was boiling merrily … My nurse would have taken me away from the urn, but my mother said "Let him touch it." So I touched it – and that was my first lesson in the meaning of liberty.

~ John Ruskin (1819-1900), The Story of Arachne, 1870

This, as these things often do, made me think. I liked the quote and thought that it says quite a bit about human nature and the right/wrong way to raise a child.

Then I watched a movie, Wind River, a most excellent movie in mine own humble opinion, a friend recommended it to me, I saw that Netflix had it, so I stayed up past my own self-dictated bedtime to watch it. Am I glad I did? Yes, I like movies which make me think, this one did.

(Source)

The movie* is about a rather unconventional murder investigation and deals with the unthinkable (for any parent, or rational member of our species) subject matter, the death of a child. The film takes place on the Wind River Reservation in Wyoming, hence the title of the film. An 18 year old Arapaho woman is found dead, in the snow, miles from the nearest dwelling. She is found by Jeremy Renner's character, Cory Lambert, a hunter for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. (You can read Variety's review of the film at the source of that photo above.)

He recognizes the dead woman immediately, only later do we discover that Lambert's half-Arapaho daughter was murdered two years earlier, the latest victim was his daughter's best friend.

When Lambert goes to talk to the murder victim's family, as he's talking to the father of the latest victim, one of the things he says is...

"You cannot blink. Not once, not ever."

Which immediately brought that John Ruskin quote to mind.

On the one hand, it's important to let your kids make mistakes (like touching the boiling-hot teakettle), on the other hand, you have to pay attention, always. If you don't...

Things could go horribly wrong.

The Missus Herself and I have three kids. All three are now successful adults. I'd like to think that I had some influence on the raising of the progeny, though I know that the day-to-day grind of feeding, cleaning, nursing, and nurturing was the bailiwick of my (much) better half.

In military terms, I was the logistical tail, she was on the front line. Yes, logistics are important, but that day-to-day stuff is the leading edge, the tip of the spear if you will. While the progeny love me, and think I'm a fun guy, they love and deeply respect their mother. I mean, in the garden and around the manse, I do the heavy lifting. When it came to making sure the homework and chores were done, the love of my life did the heavy work.

While I'm not sure if it's true that you can't blink, not once, not ever, I do know that you have to keep your eye on things. You can't be everywhere at once, and every now and again the kids will get into trouble all on their own, no matter what Mom and Dad do. Something that's missing in some parts of the world right there: Mom and Dad. One of each sex, preferably, as it's how we're designed to function. But maybe that's just me.

Sometimes, no matter what you do, bad things happen. Even if you never blink.

Kids, you've got to give them the freedom to learn from their mistakes, but you need to be there for them when life gets overwhelming. Which can happen even when they're "all growed up." No matter what, no matter how old they get, they're still your kids.

Another quote from Mr. Ruskin that spoke to me, and rings of pure truth -

"Give a little love to a child, and you get a great deal back."

They will most likely never forget it.

As to the movie, I highly recommend it. Judge for yourself...

* Which also stars one of my favorite actors, Graham Greene, that's him on the right.

Sarge Note: Apparently I wrote this post while half asleep. I have corrected a number of grammatical errors since I published it this morning. Argh...