Reconnect Connect

So, I was sitting around Saturday, scratching my head about a subject for a post.  Got to thinking about what's going on in the world and how words are being used to describe things, but the meanings of those words have been changed.

"An example, please, juvat."

Well, how about "Black Lives Matter"?  My response to that statement is "Yes, as do all lives".  But, apparently that is not what the user means.  So, were I emperor of the universe, my decree would be that BLM would now be OBLM.  With the O standing for Only.

There, much more understandable what they mean now, Neh?

Another example.  Corona Virus or Covid.  Nah,  We've been naming epidemics for their origination point for at least a hundred years (Spanish Flu circa 1918).  However, Chinese virus always seems to require a qualifier e.g. Not Taiwan.  Wu Flu sounds a little flippant to me.  Once again, as emperor of the universe, I would decree it be named "Communist Flu".  That way it would be more inclusive of all the government agencies worldwide seeking power based on scaring the population into complying with their policies.

Another example.  Democratic.  Pretty sure that word now means Dictatorial.  After having looked at events, decrees, policies and the party in power there, well....Prove me wrong.

So, realizing that  writing a post along those topics might be damaging to my blood pressure, and not having found another Hu Soundtrack for a walk through video, I came up with an alternate posting. 

Then Sarge comes up with an eerily similar posting Sunday.  But, I'm committed and here we go.

Back when things were normal, they weren't all that much different than they are now for us (well other than missing church on Sundays). We'd go into town a couple of times a week to go to the supermarket, liquor store, have lunch, maybe visit Lowes and then come home.  We have two vehicles, my F-150 and Mrs J has a Ford Transit Connect.  No particular preference for Fords, the price was right and their ability to fulfill a need was adequate. 

Now, I don't feel a particular need to name my vehicle.  It seems to respond quite well to "My Truck".  Your mileage may vary and, for the time being anyway, it's a free country.  So, if you want to name your vehicle, be my guest.  Mrs J's vehicle got named by MBD when she borrowed it once to move some stuff.

She named it "The Clown Car".  Like most call signs, the worst mistake you can make is to protest the name vociferously.  The second worst mistake is not protest it at all.  Mrs J made the latter.  The name has stuck.

It has served us well and my only dislike about it is how low you sit in the driver's seat.  When I drive it, I've got almost a foot of headroom above me.  But, Mrs J likes it.  So.  She likes it, I love it.

Which pretty much describes our relationship.

In any case, after things went Bat-Guano Crazy, we don't go to town very often and if we do, we usually both go.  Because I still consider myself a Fighter Pilot, I drive.  Sorry, just the way I am.

So, her car sat in the car port not getting much use.

Then things started going back to normal and one morning, Mrs J was going to town by herself. A few minutes after she left the house, she comes walking back in saying her battery's dead.

Perfect. 

Now, "The Clown Car". is parked on the left side of the car port, my truck is in the center.

I get the jumper cables, pop the hood on my truck, and find that the battery is on the right.  I've got fairly long jumbers, so, assuming Ford is consistent in its battery placement, I should be able to reach.

I pop the lid on  "The Clown Car". and look inside.  I can't see a battery.  Pull out the manual, and find that it is under an access cover.  Take another look and find said panel on the left side of the car, which is outside reach of my cables. 

Battery is just to the right of the Clown Face in the top left of the photo.

No problem, I'll just put it in neutral and push it out of the car port.  Nope, there's an anti-theft device that doesn't allow it to come out of park.  (Later I would find out a way to bypass this.)

Some readers who live in large metropolitan areas are no doubt saying "juvat, just call AAA".

Well, we used to have AAA, back in the day, (when we lived in large metropolitan areas).  However, when Mrs J hit a deer in our previous car,  I came and joined her on the side of the road.  We called AAA.  6 hours later on our 4th call back to them found that they were dispatching someone from San Antonio as we were "outside their service area".  

Our membership was cancelled the next morning.

I looked on line for a portable battery jumper and found one on Amazon for a pretty good price.  Realizing that living in the country, having one of those in the car might come in handy, we purchased it.  It arrived the next day and, after an initial charge, I took it outside and hooked it up.

Worked like a champ.  Let the car run for a couple of hours, switched it off, then back on, started right up.

Hooray! Score a win for juvat!

Not so fast, Beans.  The next morning, Mrs J wants to go to town,  I'm not particularly interested, so she's going to take  "The Clown Car".  A few minutes after she leaves the house, she's back.  Car's dead again.  I grab the handy dandy portable and hook it up.  Give it a few minutes and try to start.  Nothing.  Give it a good half hour to charge.  Nothing.

Dead, as in decomposed, never to rise again from, dead battery.

Well.  I've swapped out batteries on most of my previous cars before,so this shouldn't be an issue.

Folks, I've been wrong about things before and, no doubt, will be again, but I firmly believe that I will never experience the complete and utter vastness of how wrong I was about "Shouldn't be an issue".

I decide to do a little research on what the process is to replace the battery.  I figured there had to be a trick to getting it out of the tight little spot shown in the picture above. So.. Off to YouTube I go and find this video. 

Yes, STxAR, the author of this video and I went to the same school of filmography.  Please bear with us both, we're learning.

 

I take a Picture of how everything looks put back together, which turned out to be a good idea and started the process.  I disconnected the air filter box and it's sensor (which my friend mentioned on the video).  So far so good.

I then managed to get the filter contraption out of the way.  Starting to feel a bit confident.  

The space is pretty tight, so I'm going in with regular wrenches vice a ratchet.  Unfortunately, the bolts are all metric.  Back out to the workshop and bring the ratchet set as I don't have metric wrenches.

I manage to get the front plate out of the way, and slide the battery out. Then hopped in my truck and drove to Napa to get a new battery.  Nice guys there.  They asked me what I was putting the battery in and when I told them, their reaction set warning bells going off.  I asked what was the matter. 

They said, "getting it out is the easy part". 

Well, in for a penny...

Back out at Rancho Juvat, I start to reverse the process.  The Napa guys were right.  The thing won't go back in.

I can only get one hand back in there as I have to hold the Negative connection out of the way.  It's very heavy and I am cantilevered over the engine compartment with this battery supporting it with one hand.  And it won't go back in.  Finally after about half an hour listening to my back scream obscenities at me, it goes in.

I reconnect and secure the battery connections as tight as I could with the ratchet.  Put the air filter bracket back in place.   Put the top cover for the air filter, back into place and secure it.  Even remembered to put that sensor back in position.

Should be good to go.  

Climb in, and put the key in the ignition, the door open bell starts dinging.  A good sign.  

Crank and it starts right up.  I'm starting to smile. It's that moment when you start feeling good about yourself for about an instant before you come crashing back to Earth.

Now, I've got warning lights going off all over the place which, since I had essentially disconnected the computer, made sense. Most went out after a second or two and me pushing the OK button.

However....(You knew I was getting to this point, dincha?)

I've still got a check engine light on.

And an Anti-skid malfunction light.

And a power steering malfunction light.

I leave it running, walk into the house and tell Mrs J that we're going into town and she's driving my truck.

Which we do, straight to the Ford Dealer.  I walk into the Service Department and they ask what they can do for me.

I say "I used to be a Fighter Pilot, I've seen a lot of warning lights in my day.  I've never seen as many warning lights on as there are in my Wife's car right now after I tried to change the battery in it.  Please be merciful, and fix it."

"What year and model is it?"

"2014 Transit Connect"

"Bless you, My Son!"

Turns out that there were a total of three sensors that got disconnected (i only thought there was one) and the air filter upper half wasn't properly seated. 

So....If the battery dies again, I'm going to rent a backhoe and bury the whole damn car.