My First Second Lieutenant

I recall that I mentioned my lieutenant a couple of days ago. I promised you a story, and here it is. Well, there's a couple of stories really. (But you'll only get the one today.) I don't know of any NCO worth his or her salt who doesn't have at least one 2nd Lieutenant story. (For you aquatic types, substitute "Petty Officer" for "NCO", and "Ensign" for "2nd Lieutenant". The species are similar, just different names.)

So one day someone at Randolph AFB decided that Yours Truly could best contribute to the mission of the United States Air Force by being assigned duties at Offutt AFB in Nebraska. Home, at the time, to the Headquarters of the Strategic Air Command, or SAC HQ as we liked to call it. (Yes, we actually said "sack aitch queue", for those of you who are phonetically and acronymically* challenged.)

Now when I was first notified of this assignment, I noted that I was not assigned to SAC itself. No, I was assigned to something called the STRATCOMDIV. When I first looked at my orders my first thought was, "Damn! Am I being assigned to a Navy outfit?"

For you see the term "STRATCOMDIV" was unlike anything I had ever seen in the fighter aircraft world. The term looked very "Navy-ish" (think of terms like LANTFLEET, DEVRON, BUPERS and others of that ilk). Now this was my first assignment to an operational unit which had nothing to do with fighters. Or even aircraft for that matter. I was completely ignorant of what a "STRATCOMDIV" was. So I did some asking around. 

Turns out that "STRATCOMDIV" stood for "Strategic Communications Division". It also became clear over time that the people who generated my orders were the only ones on the planet who called it that. To the folks actually assigned there, it was just "The SCD".

So I processed into the unit and discovered that my office was in an old abandoned hangar. Well semi-abandoned actually. For my office was therein, so it couldn't be completely abandoned could it? Our "real" building was in the process of being renovated so they had moved everyone over to this unused hangar which had office space in the back.

So on very my first full duty day at the SCD, I crossed the old hangar floor (which was liberally strewn with pigeon sh!t and the occasional dead pigeon) and went into my new assignment. Wondering again just why I had re-enlisted.

Having made it through the pigeon minefield and having found my outfit's office space, I was introduced around. It wasn't half bad for being in an old hangar. (The next photo is of that very building, somewhat spruced up since I was there back in '87.)

My Hangar

There I met my immediate superior, a TSgt Potter and the very first 2nd Lieutenant I got to call my own. Tim Boerner, 2Lt, USAF. A native of Minnesota and a very smart guy. But he was, after all, at the time, a second lieutenant, which means that, by definition, he was not bright enough to be allowed out and about on his own.

Now at some bases, it might have been safe to let the young man roam freely for short periods. But this was SAC HQ. There were more generals and admirals around than fleas on a dog. Seriously, you couldn't walk through Building 500 (the actual headquarters building) without tripping over someone wearing stars! I know, I tripped over a Brigadier General one day and nearly wet myself apologizing.

The general looked at me and said, "Don't sweat it son, I'm just the sumbitch that makes the coffee around here."

Hhhmm, thinking back on it, he did sound kind of bitter.

At any rate, we couldn't let our lieutenant wander around on his own. The flag officers would eat him alive! Sergeants they tolerated and some they even respected, lieutenants were meant to be tormented and abused. In the hopes that some day they might grow up and become useful officers. (I guess it's one of those "rite of passage" things.)

Now the lieutenant and I didn't interact all that much my first few weeks at Offutt. It wasn't until we were moved back to our permanent location in Building 40 that I started working daily with the young lieutenant. (Our office area in Building 40 is circled in yellow in the next photo. We owned that wing of the building. It was a prime location. This building is oriented north and south. That is the active runway just to the north and just to the east is the transient facility. Where aircraft from "out of town" would be parked while visiting or just passing through. I've seen everything from a Junkers Ju-52 to an F-14 Tomcat parked in that area. Like I said, a prime location. And yes, I did say Ju-52, it's pictured below.)

Yup, Same Guy, Same Aircraft

So one day the boss comes into our office and indicates that he wants the lieutenant and I to go to a meeting in his stead. A meeting at our commander's office. Our commander being a general of the one-star variety.

Now both the lieutenant and I are pretty new, we wondered why our civilian boss wanted us to cover for him at a meeting. Of course, we later learned, through observation, personal experience and anecdotal evidence that our civilian boss was a complete idiot. Not sure how he got that job, I'm sure there were politics involved. Where there is politics, the idiots are not far away.

So the lieutenant and I headed over to the meeting. We arrived probably 20 minutes early and the general's secretary (for that's what they called them back in the day) told us to go ahead and make ourselves comfortable in the general's office. The others would be joining us shortly.

Like I said, we were early. The lieutenant looked longingly at the general's desk (for it was an awfully nice desk) and wondered aloud what it would be like to sit in the general's chair, at the general's desk.

I told him, "Go for it El-Tee".**

So the lieutenant walks over and plunks himself down in the general's chair. Gets real comfortable he does, starts turning the chair around, starts pretending to be a general himself. So, you can figure out what happens next. Right?

That's right. The door flies open and there stands all five-foot nothing of our commanding officer. (For he was small in stature.) Glaring at the lieutenant, the second lieutenant mind you, sitting in his chair. Pretending to be the august personage of the general himself.

I see the general's hand come up, ready to point at the offending junior officer occupying his chair, behind his desk. I can see the general's visage turn like the weather on a hot summer afternoon on the high plains. You can feel the electricity in the air. You feel that first gust of wind, you're expecting lightning and thunder, and then...

I kind of chortled. All quiet like, looking forward to the show I was. But that soft chortle, that little snicker caught the general's attention. Though I was sitting off to the side (and out of the general's immediate line of sight), that little bit of suppressed laughter caused the general's head to swivel in my direction like a tank cannon tracking a new target.

The general paused in mid-gesture. First he stared at me, then he stared at my lieutenant. Then he looked back at me, then once more at the lieutenant. Finally, his steely-eyed gaze returned to Yours Truly, and he said...

"You put him up to this didn't you Sarge?"

"Um, well, yes sir, I did." I responded, battening down my hatches and preparing for heavy rolls, so to speak.

"Jesus Christ! Lieutenant, get out of my chair. Sergeant, pick on your lieutenant in your own office. Not mine. Got it."

"Sir, yes sir. I got it."

'Twas then the general asked us who we were, discovered we were both new at the base and engaged us in fairly idle chit chat. Our general was a pretty cool guy.

The meeting was uneventful, neither the lieutenant nor I had any idea why we were there. During the meeting the general asked us who we were there for. We told him. All the general had to say to that was, "That a$$hole..."

Seems the general and our civilian boss weren't exactly members of any mutual admiration society that we were aware of. But like I said, the meeting was uneventful. But after the meeting, as we walked back to our own office, my lieutenant turned to me and said...

"I hate you."

But he said it with a smile.

And that's how I really got to know my first second lieutenant. Oh, I had more second lieutenants as time went on. But you never forget your first.

*Yes. I made that word up. It means "of or having to do with acronyms".
** El-Tee, LT or lieutenant. I'm sure you knew that...