The Art of the Call Sign

I realize that MilBlog posts about call signs are plentiful.  In fact, I've probably covered it on these very pages in the past, but that’s what I was thinking about this past weekend.  The possibly overdone topic came to mind as I sat in my recliner on Father’s Day, watching my newly installed, and first of its kind (in my house at least) 55 inch flat screen ultraHD father’s day gift.  In my state as a just-past middle aged man, I've been squinting some, and turning up the volume a lot recently as I watched my 13 year old 27 inch Sony Trinitron tube TV, which Just. Wouldn't. Die.  Hence the "gift," one we were going to buy anyway, but why ruin a good Holiday?

        


Hmm, Just-past middle age.  What do you call a 47 year old guy anyway?  I think that passing away in my sleep at 85 is probably a nice round number to shoot for, and that would be 42.5 years young for a truly middle-aged man, so I’m sticking with just-past for now.  Over the hill might be something the Minnow and Teenangster would call me, but I’ll never use the term, unless I'm talking about Sarge of course.  

Speaking of my kids, the daughter was quick to acknowledge my day, but the son didn't mention it until very late in the day when I held up the card he signed for me the day prior (that his mom bought) and asked him what it was.  "Oh yeah, Happy Father's Day" he said sheepishly.   Nevertheless, it was a good Father’s Day as days-for-fathers go, which in my house are just like Mother’s Day, but with less presents and fanfare.  What I wanted to do was absolutely nothing.  So, I was sitting comfortably in my recliner, binge-watching a bit of House of Cards on Netflix before the season premiere of “The Last Ship” came on.  Sort of a guilty pleasure that one- a decent series as shows about the Navy go.  

Based on the popular novel of the same name by author William Brinkley, the story behind "The Last Ship" focuses on the crew of a lone surviving naval destroyer as they struggle to find a cure to a virus that has wiped out 80% of the world's population.  Source

It obviously has the Navy’s support, which is probably why it’s better than the shows that don’t have it.  The technical advisors are doing a good job at keeping it as accurate as it could be in a fictional world.  In last-night’s episode, the CO is out doing all sorts of action-hero stuff with an M-4 and wearing those oh-so-cool digital cammies, which I fortunately never had to wear.    

The producers must know that the Navy's uniform-du-jour, while not quite universally panned, is far from the best uni our Sailors have worn. So, they spiced him up with a leather flight jacket.  Now this isn't the first time I'd seen a Surface Warfare Officer CO wearing a flight jacket, but it is the first time with the leather version.  The green Nomex one goes quite well with khakis, but when matched with the blueberries? Probably not so much. So, the wardrobe folks gave him a ultra-cool aviators jacket which looks just ok with the cammies, but still not that great.  

Source

So I was thinking about what a SWO's callsign would be if he found himself in a ready-room wearing a flight jacket.  Today, it might be something like "NOA" (Not an Aviator), or "Cefus" (CFS- Can't Fly Shit), or even something a little more topical like "Caitlyn," pretending to be something he's not.

I found a fun site a while back.  It was probably something my Aunt sent me, as she's always sending me links to Naval Aviation stories or those emails that list funny things pilots say, or the one I've received probably 150 million times- the one with the pilot maintenance gripes:   

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. 

Maintenance Chief: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 

Anyway,  it's a call sign generator, but this one throws in a reference to one of the less-than technically correct movies about the Navy (but one I still watch periodically)-  Top Gun. Check it out here if you're so inclined- the call sign thing, not the movie.  Click "Generator" at the top if you want your own.  By the way, it changes every time you click submit, which is how I got such gems as Tom "Starfish" Davis (sorta close to Tuna) and "Barracuda" (also kinda close).  For extra fun I tried out our esteemed host's name and it gave me "Stoner." Well, he did grow up in the 70s.

I know how the Navy doles out call signs, but I knew nothing about the USAF's effort until I did some research for today's post.  Apparently, it's a bit more formal than how a Navy squadron does it.  

U.S. Air Force fighter call signs are given at naming ceremonies or "namings." They are usually based on how badly you've screwed something up, a play on your name, your personality, or just the whims of the drunken mob of pilots. Usually once a pilot flies with a call sign in combat, they get to keep it for their career. But pilots may face a "hostile renaming" under certain circumstances.

The plot begins with the squadron social chairman announcing the need for a naming ceremony. it usually happens after the squadron has accumulated six to nine FNGs (F'ing New Guys/Girls) who need call signs. FNGs are the traditional call sign of all new arrivals to the squadron, even those who have been previously been given call signs. Your past call sign means nothing to your new squadron-mates. You will go through the ceremony with all the new arrivals. Woe be it to the insolent fighter pilot who shows up at the new squadron introducing himself with his previous call sign. That's a good way to mark yourself for special attention. Your bribe will need to be extra special.    Source

Huh?  "Your past call sign means nothing to your new squadron-mates."  WTF?  Of all the strange things I've heard about the USAF, that one ranks right up there with flaring to land. Juvat- how many call signs did you have?  But I digress.  In Naval Aviation, names are derived from the same types of things- screw ups (Skid- braking on the cat-shot), your real name (Dan Undra Cheever), some physical characteristic (Intake - huge schnoz), or maybe even some sexual prowess (Gretzky- for a guy's hat-trick).

While not quite as formal of a ceremony like the pilots in my sister service, a carrier squadron might just spontaneously bring it up at an AOM (All-Officers'-Meeting) in the ready room, or the CO/XO/OPSO might just announce it in the ready room upon returning from a particularly eventful flight which earned the young aviator his new nom de guerre.  

Sometimes names just don't stick.  We had a guy who just didn't fit any category for how a name is earned.  Not that he never did anything wrong or stupid, but I suppose nothing was memorable enough or could be described with a call sign.  His first name was Cory, so his tag became Cory, Call Sign Cory, Kenmon.  Another guy inexplicably left a shoe on the Co-Pilot console, but Cindy was just never really used, even after the Maintenance Master-Chief hilariously stormed into the ready room asking "Which one of you princesses left their slipper in the cockpit?"

Actually, the Hornet guys sometimes do make it a little more of a ceremony.  During my Department Head tour, all the senior Officers in the squadron went up to Lemoore for a local version of the Strike Leader Attack Training Syllabus (SLATS) course taught by NSAWC.  That first night we made our way to the O'Club where we found one of our CAG-11 squadrons welcoming a couple new pilots who had just finished the FRS that day.   They had two paper bags containing several potential starter call signs.  One of the pilots was huge.  He had even been drafted by the NY Jets before being cut in training camp, later heading to OCS and Flight School. When sitting in the cockpit, he looked like a kid in a toy car.

He reached into the bag and pulled out his slip of paper, handing it over to the squadron CO for the announcement.  The room exploded in laughter as the Skipper said "Buttercup."  He later became Tiny which is just lamely ironic, and not at all creative.

Sometimes call signs have a little more creativity put into them- the "Art" as I suggested in my title.  Some purists don't like them since you can make up a cute sentence that fits, without finding a single word, but I find that some of the funniest ones  are acronyms.


We had an ATIS in my first squadron. Great guy, but he could talk continuously and wouldn't shut up.  So ATIS he was dubbed. That got changed to OTIS when he checked in to tower stating the painful "Our Tanker Is Sour," although the aircraft wasn't even configured for tanking. We never wanted to make that call to tower as that could cause all sorts of hateful calls to our ready room.  As the only tanker-capable squadron in CAG-5 at the time, flight ops would have to be canceled if we couldn't get gas into the air for the recovery.

Some other artistic acronyms I like:

TULSA

Total Utter Lack of Situational Awareness

NADS

Female Marine Hornet backseater went to hang with guys in a "gentleman's club" while in a foreign country. She decided she was more athletic than any of the girls on stage. Got up on stage, swung around the pole, promptly lost her grip, flew off stage and went headfirst into a chair, resulting in a Harry Potter like scar on her forehead and a new callsign - NADS for "Not A Decent Stripper"

NAG

Not A Guy - First Marine Corps F/A-18 female Weapon Systems Officer (WSO)

SNAG

Second Marine Corps female WSO assigned to the same squadron as the first - Still Not A Guy

Nutsbe

Last name Chaffin...think about it

MOTO

Master of the obvious

CLAP

FNG fresh from the other coast FRS checks into his squadron on a Monday afternoon.  He tells his boss that his household goods arrive tomorrow so he'll be in late.  He comes in before lunch to find out that he was supposed to report in at 0600 for Squadron Duty Officer turnover. The ready room board is already filled in with potential call signs including the winning tag- CLAP. He and the Senior Watch Officer get called into the Skipper's office to explain why he missed his duty day.  He accepts the blame for not checking the flight schedule, but the CO chews out the SWO because JOPA should have covered for him and the Skipper should have never known about it.  The FNG never complained, but was forever stuck with a call sign he never earned- CLAP - Cries Like a Pussy.

Some other non-acronym favorites of mine:

John Mawhinny - C/S Lick
Abe Bush - C/S Jeter
LT Leggeman - C/S Spreader
Steve "Whip" Blasch
"Semi" - short for Semi-colon.  Given to an E-2 guy who had 2 feet of his colon removed.

Well, that's enough for your Tuesday entertainment.  If you need more, check out a google groups site that includes some of these, and even yours truly.  Not sure how I got on there, but have at it.