So there I was, having fun, thinking up wonderful things to blog about, having fun with the dog, the wife, the neighbors not making wrong-noise in the parking lot and...
My right little toe decided to rotate outward and snag something. Kersnap, yet another microbreak to the stupid toe. Then, trying not to scream and curse and scare the wife, the dog, the neighbors not making wrong-noise in the parking lot, managed to whack my left chin, hard, right on the spot that has never really ever stopped hurting in 30 years (mayhaps I'll bring that up to the doc next time I go see him.) Then my left little toe decided that the right was having too much fun and decided to snag itself on the carpet.
I am not having a good day. Looking at my toes and thinking, do I really need you two? I mean, get rid of them and I'd be able to buy normal wide shoes, rather than Triple-E wide shoes. And, well, Lowes sells pruning shears, Publix sells hydrogen peroxide, I can buy sutures and needles off the internet, I could do this. Heck, I could buy one of those surgical staplers off the internet. Hmmmm... Hmmmmmmmm...
Yeah, right, like even if I wanted to, Mrs. Andrew would put the kabosh on it. And probably rightly so, as it's always easy to get to my left foot as my left leg is highly flexible. But the right? Always been the less flexible one, and I kind of have to work to get my toe-nails cut or other footly things. It's why I am very right dominated and I lead with my left side, shield forward so to speak.
At least I got both toes taped to their brother toes, and front of chin is patched up (and currently has the dog laying on it, so that feels good but not good and I hope he doesn't grind his elbows into the chin like he is wont to do.
As to the toes? Well, my grandma used to put boards up at the end of the bed so that the blankets wouldn't touch her feet as she had pain in her feet all her life. Something I also have had. Really great when your doctor asks if your feet hurt and you tell them yes but that they've always hurt. Been saying it for 50 years and nobody seems to have listened yet so must not be important, no?
Quelle Bummer, n'est pas?
Durned toes...
Hmmm... Got a Kukri. A tomahawk. A shingling hatchet. Lots of knives. The possibilities are endless.
Or...
I could just wear shoes in the house like Mrs. Andrew says I need to do. Bleh. Shoes. In the house. How uncivilized. Bleh.
Or...
I have a cordless circular saw and a cordless sawsall.
I also have a meat hammer, several sledge hammers, and a variety of other hammers.
Or...
Shoes... Bleh.
Shoes win. For now. Hate adulting.
And, no, I am not taking pictures of my ugly toes to show you people. I respect you too much to show you my hideous feet on a good day.
Both little toes?!?!?!! Yikes!!!! OUCH!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion would be LLBeans Wicked good slippers.
Soft, fuzzy, wool snuggly-ness to cradle ALL your tootsies in so none of them feel left out and un-loved. Much nicer than wearing shoes in the house---UGH!! And while they are a bit pricy, they last 2-3 years of hard wearing. The only bummer is they have not come with an outside-the-house-sole. However, I saw in the catalog that there is now one type that does have a real sole on it, but, as I have not shelled out for that type, yet, all I can testify to are the wicked good slipper boot types.
And I have been known to wear them outside, but when they get covered in snow, it takes a few minutes for them to dry. If I could get away with wearing these to work, I would NEVER put on any other footwear...ever!!!
Problem is, I'd have to wear them to bed, as I did that getting up to go to the bathroom. I've got shoes, lots of shoes, everything from fully enclosed sandals to flipflops to canvas deck shoes to fuzzy slipper thingies to athletic shoes to boots. But unless they magically appear on my feet as I get out of bed, I'm screwed.
DeleteI'm not the most stable person on my feet normally, but first thing out of bed?
This might be old news, but there are safety shoes with a composite toe cap that would give your toes proction from the bumps of life. You can get them in a variety of shoe styles including sneakers.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Sigh. Of course I meant "protection" not "proction" and where was the red underline of misspelling when I needed it.
DeleteThey offer protection and traction, thus 'proction.' Or something.
DeleteBut, as I said and forgot to mention in the post, I did that right out of getting up. I think Mrs. Andrew would have some issue with me wearing safety shoes to bed. Plus, I'm a 13EEEE. So having Frankenshoes in bed, where would I have room for my pillow?
:)
DeleteYa Beans, shoes or slippers way less messy than the alternatives you mentioned. Going to second Suz, a pair of slippers might be the ticket, it is here but to keep the little piggies warm cause you know... Minnesota.....winter.
ReplyDeleteI too would recommend the slippers option in lieu of self-amputation, a subject on which their are endless unintentional practitioners but very few success stories.
DeleteThose don't sound like toes. Are they really dew claws? Come clean Beans, are you a werewolfenstein? Is there any Maorin blood in you? They put outriggers on their canoes. Perhaps a bit of Beale Street??? Like those cars with curb feelers??? Just wondering....
ReplyDeleteI really felt sorry for mom. I was born with cowboy boots, jeans and a western shirt. I figure if God wanted me to be naked, I'd have been born that way. When my feet approach the floor in the am, socks magically appear on them and they land in shoes or boots. We have so many grass burrs around here that, even on wood floors, you are just asking for trouble. They hitch rides on everything. Including bath towels...... dadgum....
I used to support a company over in Yoakum, TX. Leather capital of south Texas. The manager was a roper. I asked him if he still had all his fingers. He told me a story about getting his thumb caught in a dally. He said the rope snapped taught, and the crushing pain caused him to pull away so hard, that tendons pulled out, too. I pictured all the fun stuff in a turkey wing pulling out with his thumb.... yeesh.... His doc told him that he could put a big toe in it's place. He was pretty hesitant. Doc said you didn't really need a big toe. So the Roper thought on it for a few days. On his way to the mail box (without shoes on gravel... Guy makes great snap decisions), he realized he wasn't using his big toes at all to navigate or balance, he was using his little toes. So he did it. I had already shaken hands with him, and I didn't even notice. It was a big bigger than his other thumb. I really wanted to ask him if that one smelled different than the other one, but couldn't bring myself to.
I had to watch out for athletes fist for a week, but it all worked out okay.
Maybe you could get the big toes moved to replace the little ones. Sort of like rubber baby buggy bumpers.
DeleteOh, hey, coffee's ready......
Due to hammer-toes, and weird family genetics, the little toes are rolled partially on their outside sides and do kind of stick out like dew-claws, but on the outside, as dewclaws on a dog are towards the body.
DeleteAnd my big toes are, well, let's just say I have ugly feet and we'll go from there. Ugly feet, so ugly that they actually get commented on when I wear flip-flops. My big toes are twice as wide as my thumbs, and I have big hands.
And STxAR, you are a bad man. Very bad man. Bad enough having these little pin-ball flippers on the outside. I don't need my big even for Bigfoot big toes flopping around grabbing things.
I couldn't resisit ribbing you a bit. I know they hurt, but if I can get you to snicker once, maybe it'll take your mind off it. Like a twitch on a horses lip. Rest easy.
DeleteOh, I know you were ribbing me. My wife and I have something called 'Varina-ing' wherein we respond back completely straight to comments like, well, yours. Because of Varina, who was totally clueless as to sarcasm and irony and other higher forms of humor.
DeleteSTXAR: were there spurs on the boots? OG
DeleteBut does the VA know it has ever stopped hurting in 30 years?
ReplyDeleteFrom stories I've heard from the VA, it's more, 'Have they ever cared?'
DeleteMy foot pain is like my tinnitus and irritable bowels and allergy-caused loss of taste/smell. So my problem is my baseline has always been quite different than 'normal people' and only recently, like in the last 10 years or so, have I begun to suspect the doctors aren't communicating properly.
Like the foot pain. They'll look at my fatness and assume diabetic neuropathy. And then when they do the feeler test (where they run something like a cat whisker around) and the prick test (with a needle) they are surprised at my sensitivity.
Beans,
ReplyDeleteTrust me on this. From the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul, I thank you for your photoless post!
It's Christmas Morn here today, Little J and DIL arrived safely yesterday, napped a bit before dinner and slept all the way until 4 AM this morning. MBD, SIL and MG arrived day before yesterday, so the Juvat Clan is fully formed. Life is GOOD!
Hoping you have a wonderful time together! Family at Christmas, nothing beats it.
DeleteGlad you are glad I didn't post the horrors that are my feet. Let's just say that when they show those Bigfoot tracks on the tv shows, I look at them and think, "Gee, was I there?"
DeleteAlso glad the family has arrived and you're enjoying them.
Ouch!
ReplyDeleteI have damaged a toe (or three) in my shoeless in the home days. Korean custom dontcha know? But Koreans also wear house slippers, which help keep the toes out of harm's way.
Since The Missus Herself gifted me a pair of Ugg's slippers (hey, don't judge, they are incredibly comfortable and don't make my feet sweat) I have not damaged a toe. Nor stepped on any Legos ...
(Okay, you didn't damage your toe just to have something to write about did you? I mean we all know how you artists roll ...)
As stated above, I forgot to mention that I did this basically getting out of bed so no shoes would have aided me in my blinded quest for to get out from under the covers and to the bathroom.
DeleteI wear slippers, usually, mostly, but there's that brief moment of time, and that's when my toes went wonky.
And, no, I am not that much of an artist. And I'm definitely not starving...
Toe surgery ain't all that bad: leastways there's always the emergency room at the local hospital, 's long's y' can get your foot on the accelerator. I've gotta deal with the amateur dentists who decide 0800 on Sunday morning ('stead o' goin' t' church) to remove that durned tooth that's been killin' 'em for the whole past week with their "lockjaw pliers"; they always break it off halfway up the gum so they can't breathe in or even drink lukewarm water.
ReplyDeleteThe extraction of the split tooth 4 years ago (each half was very mobile) would have been much easier and inexpensive if I had a pair of those bent-nose pliers. In the dentist's office, she did not have to exert much strength to remove each half. The peculiar color of green she turned when I said I couldn't find my pliers so she's doing the work was interesting. And then she realized I was serious.
DeleteBut knowing my luck...
Gabapentin (Neurontin), 300mg i qpm, has totally eliminated my foot pain; it might be worth some discussion time with your GP/specialist. Since there have been reports of it being an extreme depressive for some, my GP questions me very carefully every month to assure himself I'm not going to employ my 10mm in a messy manner; I keep telling him I prefer using it as a paper punch.
Delete"Those bent-nose pliers" are very useful in various projects and can be found (Root Forceps, Surgical Extracting Pliers) on ebay inexpensively (OK! OK! they're made in Mainland, but so are the ones the schools sell to dental students at 10x the price)
Or you can buy them at Harbor Freight for pretty reasonable. Don't ask how I know these things...
DeleteSlippers, various kinds. Merril Vapor Glove 5 ("barefoot running" exercise shoe I mostly use for taiji and yoga.)
ReplyDeleteLocal building stores have various brands of what SWMBO calls "thickies", crew socks that are very thick and warm. xxl slippers fit nicely over them. Very comfy.
My little toes are a hassle wearing Vivram Fivefingers shoes (yes, they're finally back.) They seem to be set back a bit from the other toes or more curled under and don't always seem to fit in those properly. Feels great when they do.
I sweat profusely through my feet. So anything like socks that restricts somewhat airflow around my feet are verbotten. Plus socks hurt. And as stated in comments above, was in the transition between bed and putting on slippers that my toes decided to play monkey-grab games.
DeleteDefinitely garden or pruning shears...
Try merino wool socks. They are excellent at wicking away moisture. In addition they are very soft and comfortable. My feet stay much dryer than with cotton or synthetics socks.
DeleteHighly allergic to wool. I would not have done well living before the modern era,
DeleteTriple E?? Here, hold my beer! (tm) How's about 9-1/2 EEE EEE?! Yeah, that's me. But I do feel your pain (tm), Beans. sore toes, no matter the cause, suck.
ReplyDeleteMy feet go between EEE and EEEE, which isn't bad, except that they are not proportioned properly. Imagine a size 13 length of 2x6 board, rounded at the heel. Not foot shaped, more foot-run-over-by-heavy-object shaped. Thus my love of sandals. Arch? What's an arch? Toes seemingly the length of a normal finger, all hideously hammertoed except for the big toe, which is all out of proportion to the rest of the toes.
DeleteYou know you have ugly feet when a foot doctor looks at them and is stumped as to what to say.
But your short and stubby foot? A 9.5? Wow.
What's weird about my feet is the only place I've consistently been able to find shoes that fit without special order is... Walmart.
9.5, EEEEE. I literally have a short squat brick attached to the end of my leg.
DeleteNew Balance is about the sports shoe that I can find that even has a hope of having this size - and usually it is one or two options only, in the "less than desirable" colors...
Suddenly my 6 1/2 EE-EEE doesn't seem like a big problem.:)
DeleteAnd as I am close to the ground I am very stable in a crosswind.
Not so good forward and aft.
Did you guys model for the Roadrunner episode when Wylie got his foot run over? Wow! I am no longer complaining about how hard it is to find shoes. EVER.
DeleteBeans, repeat after me "I will not perform at-home surgery." However, if you do, Kirkland brand bourbon is a good anesthesia and antiseptic.
ReplyDeleteI'm good at removal of things that aren't supposed to be there, like splinters and fish-hooks and other things. Actual deep tissue surgery is out except at a last resort. And I prefer screwdrivers with manymuchmore vodka than orange juice if I'm self medicating. Or Gin Gimlets.
DeleteMake sure you save some for the wound.
DeleteI don't have super wide feet but I do have Morton's Foot where my big toes are shorter than #2 and #3. Sandals and soft moccasins are my favorites now. I wore Tevas for a while but the forefoot strap rubs on my baby toe base joint, now I'm happy with Rainbow thong sandals.
ReplyDeleteNew Balance has a wide toebox and a narrow heel and fits my paddles pretty well.
I jammed the left 2nd outside toe straight into a wooden table leg. Took a few weeks of buddy-taping for it to heal. Really fun having that happen in winter.
ReplyDeleteWhat's your address? I need to mail you a box of Legos!
ReplyDelete