Ex-Smoker

Lindsay Fox Photo
(Source)

So, some ten years ago I quit smoking, you can read about that here, written on the second day of the latest (and so far last) attempt to quit smoking. In ten years I have never had the urge to light up, the smell of cigarette smoke bugs the Hell out of me, the thought of actually smoking again is anathema. Ten years, hard to believe.

I used Chantix to help me quit, apparently the active ingredient in this Pfizer-produced (yup, scares me now) drug can cause suicidal thoughts. I knew a guy back in the day who used it to try and quit. He stopped almost immediately. As he said, "I would've quit, that's for sure, dead people don't smoke."

I had no such thoughts, I just had some very vivid and very violent dreams. Which, truth be told, I kinda missed after completing the regimen. I learned later that Chantix had been discontinued because -

"As part of regular safety monitoring, Pfizer discovered the presence of a nitrosamine in batches of Chantix during production. The amount of the contaminant present was higher than what’s acceptable according to FDA guidelines. Because of this, Pfizer stopped producing the medication." (Source)

 

Apparently those nitrosamines can cause cancer, something I quit smoking to avoid. Ah well, perhaps I got a good batch.

When I was done with Chantix (which was rather expensive) and smoking, I had occasion to talk to the company nurse about my accomplishment. She mentioned that my employer would have paid for that, "They give you a coach and everything."

Uh, I don't do "coaches." Some random individual harping about "How are you doing, have you felt the urge to smoke?" Smoking helped me relieve stress, so yes, adding more stress would really help.

I had to wait for The Missus Herself to travel out to California for a couple of weeks before making the attempt. She would have "helped" as well, I'm sure. While people mean well when they are "helping" in such a way, it doesn't "help" me at all. I need to do certain things on my own.

I'm pig-headed that way.

Oddly enough, I still smoke cigarettes in my dreams. Then I wake up pissed off at myself for picking up that old bad habit again. The brain is a strange place, at least mine is.

So yesterday's post originally was about twice as long as the one you got to read. There was some major league incoherent ranting going on, I can tell you. When I wrote the post I got myself worked into such a state that actually quoted Mencken! Not something I normally do.

I actually woke up at 0200 hours and thought, "Hhmm, some of that stuff is borderline sketchy, just saying such a thing might earn me a visit from certain agencies who would have 'questions' about what I meant." So I deleted it, sedition doesn't look all that great on a résumé, and I don't need that kind of stuff in my life. Not now, not ever.

So I'll leave it at that. Revolutions eat their young, I'm an historian, I know this.

I haven't touched upon the horrible accident which occurred in Dallas over the weekend and I don't plan to. I've seen the video and I've also seen aircraft crashes resulting in fatalities live and in person. Not something I care to think about. I've also lost friends in aviation mishaps (as the Air Force likes to call them, a crash resulting in major damage to an aircraft and/or death is a Class A Mishap. At least it was back in my day.) All I'll say about this is that I pray for those lost and their families. A tragic affair.

I also haven't touched upon the ongoing conflict in Ukraine, I let my Polish correspondent Paweł handle such things. He's closer to the scene and has some interesting thoughts on the subject. To me it's a war of aggression under some pretty shady pretenses. Both sides have assholes in their governments but seriously, what nation does not?

The deaths of two Polish farmers due to an errant missile is a tragedy and my prayers go out to those involved. You think innocent Ukrainians and Russians haven't been killed in this fighting? War sucks, but you knew that.

Anyhoo, enough of that. For now.

As you might notice, I'm not writing fiction this week, at least not historical fiction. I've been out of sorts for "reasons." I anticipate getting over all that with the help of a decent night's sleep. Which is on the calendar for this weekend, a three-day weekend I might add.

I really need to buckle down and get Almost A Lifetime ready for publication, I'm close but am still looking at a few days worth of work to get there. I've incorporated a number of your comments (note that I didn't say "all of them," for various reasons). I'm also putting together The Prequel, which is book number two. Getting it off the blog and into Word for formatting and editing takes a while.

There's a temptation to "just keep writing" because it's entertaining, but as I would like to make this writing thing a third career, I need to actually finish something and get it published. I'll probably go the self-publishing route, as many of you have suggested, it seems viable.

Expect more whinging tomorrow, my creativity has flown.