Sunday, April 7, 2013

The Readers Are Getting Restless

His Serene Imperial Majesty, Lord of All He Surveys,
The Sarge of Old Air Forceness Has Called Out
The Cossacks!

Okay, yesterday's post was, in reality, just a few lines of throwaway text and a picture of the Blue Angels. But, apparently, that wasn't enough! No, I've spoiled you with my wit (and obviously gigantic ego) and for this I've been called "slacker", readers have given me the "sigh". Yes, there is dissension in the ranks. The readership is, in short, restless!

As a man of inaction,er I mean action, this cannot stand. As the Czars of All the Russias (what, there's more than one?) did in days of yore, I am calling out the Cossacks to quell unrest and as a show of force.

Are ye not cowed ye faithless dogs? Are ye not shivering in yer very boots at the awesome brutal power of this blog?


What, you're not impressed? Very well, I didn't want to do this, but you've forced my hand!

Behold and tremble!


The Seven Dwarves!

I'll bet you're not calling me slacker now! I'll bet...

Turning to one of my minions: They did what? A picture of the Seven Dwarves? How is that going to terrify anyone you lack-wit?

Uhh, yes. The Seven Dwarves of the Apocalypse. Tremble and bid farewell to any hope of...

Again, turning to the minion: What do you mean there's no such thing? Really? They're laughing at me! We shall see who's laughing...

Behold faithless readers, witness my terrifying wrath as I unleash the Hounds of Hell!


What say you now! Are ye sore terrified, are ye...

NOW WHAT?

Aside, to the minion, again: A picture of 7 cuddly puppies with British police hats and helmets? How is that even remotely terrifying? He misheard? I say "Hounds of Hell" and he hears "Hounds and Helmets". That's enough, that's the final straw! Tell him he's fired, his incompetence will make me the laughing stock of all the blog-world! Recall the Cossacks, no point to it now...

NOW MY PEOPLE! I have decided to be merciful...

*Sounding apoplectic* RECALL THE DWARVES? WHAT BLOODY DWARVES?

Oh, those dwarves... Sure, recall them as well. And get those puppies back inside immediately. If anything happens to them...

What? I DON'T CARE IF EACH DWARF COULD HAVE HIS OWN PUPPY! They go back into the picture folder. Yes, yes, whatever. You can put them in the same folder as the Seven Dwarves.

It is impossible to get good help these days!

Carry on gentle readers. All is forgiven. And, and...

Ten Shrute bucks to Kerry for speaking his mind. And five each to Hogday and Buck for giving me an idea for a future post.

Yes! Everything in the Land of Sarge is once again - 

UNICORNS AND GLITTER!

I told you my wrath would be terrible, didn't I?

2 comments:

  1. it was all ok until the unicorns and glitter. ick

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was the whole wrath thing at the end.

      I'm glad SOMEBODY got it.

      (Actually this post kind of got overshadowed by Buck's and my little kabuki drama!)

      Delete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)