Saturday, February 24, 2018

That'll Buff Right Out

The Battle of Actium, 2 September 31 BC - Lorenzo A. Castro
(Source)
So I rolled into the driveway, home from work, on a Friday, ready for the weekend.

The plan was for The Missus Herself to fly down to Dulles today, I would remain at Chez Sarge to man the ramparts, feed the feline staff, and, when not sleeping or blogging, continue to report to the place of employment and earn that paycheck which keeps us all in the lifestyle we've become accustomed to. (Which to my way of thinking is "high on the hog," but to The Missus Herself is barely scraping by. Alright I'm exaggerating in both instances.)

Anyhoo. As I prepare to unload the few groceries I had acquired on the way home, my phone rang. It was The Missus Herself.

"Hi honey, I've been in a fender bender. I'm at location X, can you come get me?"

After a number of imprecations and, frankly, some rather unkind words about the skill levels of drivers here in Little Rhody, I said I'd be right there.

Apparently some kamikaze grandma, paying rather less attention than one should on a rainy miserable wet day, didn't notice all the brake lights coming on ahead of her until just before impacting the rear end of m'lady's vehicle.

Of course, traffic was a mother bear as I tried to get to the love of my life's location, so she calls again.

"Where are you?"

"About a half mile out, stuck behind all this traffic."

"Okay, my back and neck are really stiff so the ambulance is going to take me to the hospital. Can you drive the car home?"

I agreed as what else could I do?

After hanging up, I see an ambulance roll on by, I tried calling my wife back, no answer. Damn!

I get to the scene and the nice officer there stops traffic so I can cross the road. (Her car was facing south, I was facing north.) The policeman followed me home so I could drop off the Missusmobile and he'd take me back to get my car.

First time I've been in the back of a police cruiser. (Well, not the first, but the first in a long time. The other time was when a kamikaze jackass tried to destroy my car while in college...)

"Officer, I cut in front of this kid and he didn't even slow down!"

"You cut in front of him?"

With that the officer let me out, apologized for any inconvenience and sent me on my way. He also indicated that the yahoo, whom he still had in his car, would be getting a citation.

Anyhoo.

As we're returning to the scene of the accident, I saw a Jeep dead ahead with a Philadelphia Eagles decal on the back.

"Hey, let's pull that guy ahead over! I mean c'mon, an Eagles fan? With Rhode Island plates?" I said from the all plastic cage in which I was riding.

"Hahaha! Yeah, cite him for an illegal formation!" The officer exclaimed.

No, we didn't stop the guy. Someday we'll get over the loss to the Eagles. Nah, we're still pissed at the Giants from a few years ago. Twice.

Anyhoo.

Got my car and headed down to the hospital. The Missus Herself was off getting a CT scan, so I sat and waited. Eventually she was cleared, CT scan was normal but she was going to be real achy for a couple of days. So back to Chez Sarge we went.

Oh yeah, while at the hospital The Nuke called and we discussed the "within the next 18 hours" flight to Dulles. All concerned agreed that perhaps next week might be better.

Trip postponed. Aching wife put to bed, and Your Humble doesn't have to arise earlier than he'd care to for a trip to the aeropuerto local. Oh yeah, I wrote this post.

As to the mighty Missusmobile, no, that ain't gonna buff right out, but the bumper did its job, popped damn near every fastener holding the edges flush to the car, so she's gonna need fixing.

The WSO, "So Dad, what happened to the lady who ran into Mom?"

"She bailed from her vehicle and attempted to flee on foot. Cop shot her down after she refused to halt."

"Dad..."

"Yes honey?"

"You're an idiot."

"Seems I've heard that before."

"Yes, yes you have."

All this after a day in which our IT department moved one step closer to making all of the computers in our company non-functional. Took four hours to get the "updates" properly installed and the computer to actually run.

I don't think our IT guys own any company stock.

Just a hunch.



50 comments:

  1. Hope She Who Must Be Obeyed feels better soon and ya... too many inattentive idiots behind the wheel. Best laid schemes aft gang agley or some such.... :)

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    1. She is rather sore this morning. Better than yesterday though.

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  2. I have often complained that the biggest problem on our roads is far too many loose nuts on steering wheels. Please express my most sincere condolences to your lovely bride and wish her a quick recovery.

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    1. And those well wishes have been passed along.

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  3. Concur with Nylon's hopes and wishes.

    Regarding IT guys......I've spent countless hours on the phone with Redmond trying to get a problem fixed over the past 15 months, completely stumped the level 2 support and the engineering level guys. Finally yesterday the level 1 lady I've been working with for all the time (Yes, she was getting harrassed daily about "why is this 15 month old ticket still opened? Cause it ain't solved!") said, "juvat we've stumped everybody except Bill Gates lets try letting the computer ask for the parameters it needs. It worked.

    So, Sarge, it may not be the IT guys, Microsoft fairly frequently screws up updates.

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    1. That's true about the folks up in Redmond. But our network makes things worse. We get an Adobe Flash update nearly every week, the sole purpose of which is to be able to watch idiotic motivational and "don't do this" videos. Which, to my certain knowledge, very few of the engineers bother to watch anymore. It's all corporate nonsense. But hey, I'm an optimist.

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    2. Flash IS evil incarnate. Not only for it's hourly unpdate requirement (only a slight exaggeration), but for the multitude of attack vectors it provides But....."I can't teach unless we watch cat videos on YouTube!" Well, the first three words of that statement are all that are needed to describe the problem.

      Our new firewall allows us to view a macro level summary of what are users are doing with our bandwidth. First period of the day and last period of the day is study hall. On the BYOD network, the number one use of the bandwidth is something called....Netflix. But, from the viewpoint of the chronologically advanced being at the front of the room who's nominally in charge of instruction, "if it keeps the kids quiet, I'm all for it."

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    3. Why teach when all you really want to do is distract them. That way they'll grow up to be compliant and peaceful. Not to mention gullible, uninformed, and ignorant.

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  4. Glad your boss is ok there. Cars can be fixed or replaced.

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  5. So happy SWMBO is only sore.
    I won’t detail my feelings about THOSE drivers.

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  6. Good that the vehicle design worked as intended and the injuries seem to be minor. Of course, the one with the injuries might have a different outlook.

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  7. Soooo.... What did happen to the other driver?

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    1. Glad your wife and you are okay. Hate the carelessness of other people. I see it all the time down here in Florida. It's like you Northerners give one-way tickets to your worst drivers and ship them to us, because we Southerners never ever drive like complete idiots, noooo.

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    2. Well we seem to keep a good seed crop up here, just so's we can maintain the supply down in Florida.

      DWD, Driving While Distracted, or DWS, Driving While Stupid. It burns...

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  8. IT guys in my supermarket chain are notoriously not updating zebra code/inventory database, so almost daily I get "unidentified wares" being brought in customers shopping carts.... sigh

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    1. Oh and that is always so helpful. Especially when the store is crowded! (Yup, been there, done that. On both sides of the register.)

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    2. I worked (all us teenagers did in Picatinny) as a bagger at our 2 checkout lane little commissary (pay was like $60.00/hour on just tips) and two cashiers could and always did run through shopping baskets stuffed with goods as fast as their fingers could move to enter the price on their 1970's model cash registers. They were roughly 11 times faster than those laser scanners used by morons today for the same purpose. There was no IT department. There wasn't a computer on the entire base as far as I can recall.

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    3. We rely too much on the machines.

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    4. moreover, 3/4 of scanners spread through the market to allow customers to check prices is not working and there is no one to fix that since last IT-qualified technician quit last year... and calling outside help is apparently impossible. customers keep coming to checkout asking to check the prices, then if they abandon the buy we have to call down the shift manager to cancel... joys of being on the checkout frontlines :P
      standard martketing tricks like misleading price ads etc. (XYZ FROM 4,99 and with little print it shows it refers only to smallest size, and then prices are rising) dont help the situation at all
      sometimes i wonder if my corporation is actively trying to incur wrath of customers
      bonus points: the tech guy was my half-brother and was bought by competition who offred him managment of entire city area in tech support, with twice the pay...

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    5. Wow! Sure sounds like your corporate types are clueless!

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  9. Oh, that sucks, hope the scan is correct and the Missus is feeling chipper soon. Next hope is that insurance makes things painless and the car is fixed without incident.

    I've never been called an idiot...jerk seems to fit better.

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    1. And jerk is a stretch, don't tell Mrs. C I said that. ;)

      Thanks Joe.

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  10. Tell The Missus MiLady (recovering from the flu) and I wish her a speedy recovery. I've heard 3-4 days after is when the sourness really kicks in.

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  11. I'm happy to read that TMH is not badly injured and I hope that the insurance dance is not too painful.

    Thanks for the post.
    Paul L. Quandt

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    1. Thanks Paul. (We have USAA, so I anticipate no problems.)

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  12. Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans. Glad the Missus is all right!

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    1. Yup, sneaks up on you it does.

      Thanks Proof.

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  13. Glad Mrs Sarge is ok. I hate being backended. It just rattles your backbone no end. So, Motrin, hot showers, and back rubs are all helpful. ;) Hope the damage is limited to the bumper, sometimes other stuff connected underneath gets crunched too.

    And you, you don't have to do without her company for another week or so. Yay!

    Don't talk to me about upgrades. Why is it when work up grades our computers, it takes 2 weeks to get all the bugs worked out?
    It's like an unwritten rule. Like going to the ER always takes at least 6 hours. Always! We had an update On Tuesday, and the back office folks lost their printers. And every time they get them reloaded, and then back out of some common place that they have to open and close a bunch of times each day, they lose them again. My boss was practically frothing at the mouth when I escaped from the office on Friday. Some days grumpy old patients are much easier to deal with then frustrated 40+ year olds. Lol. Can't complain too much tho'...we have only been computerized since December. It is sooo nice to be part of the 21st century!!!

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    1. Thanks Suz.

      There can be no one in the ER and it still takes 6 hours. Friday night wasn't too bad, less than 5 hours in the ER. I guess the rain kept all the crazies at home.

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    2. ER timing is everything. I went to the ER downeast Maine on the coast at about 10AM after dumping bacon residue all over my left arm. I went down to the dock and soaked it in the ocean for about 15 minutes but the ladies said I still had to have a doc look at it and so off to the ER. I tried to hint how cheap I was with the admitting lady and said let's see if we can keep this under a hundred bucks and she said, "oh hunny, we're already beyond that point." 10 seconds later the doc came and ushered me to the room of examination and examined the burn and had a nurse come in a dress it as the phone rang and the police were giving the little hospital there a headsup that they had a major trauma accident and were bringing 7 or 9 patients right away from a road accident. I was in and out in 20 minutes. Only time that ever happened. Otherwise, yeah, 6 hours unless you have excellent urgent care (theres a very good one right next to the Torrey Pines golf course if you're interested.

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    3. As in life, timing is everything.

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  14. If you want to jump the line at your local ER, just tell them you're having a heart attack. Worked for me! I wasn't, but it was my first attack of a-fib, and I'd been packing to move all day, so my left arm hurt, and my heartbeat was about 200. After a short debate of whether it was nothing or "won't I be embarrassed if I wake up dead in the morning?", I drove myself to the ER, and even though it was crowded, on a weekend, I went to the head of the line. That's why it takes so long. All those nasty line jumpers with "life threatening emergencies" who keep all us good people who are merely bleeding or with broken bones waiting!

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    1. Hahaha!

      I had a similar experience with my first bout of acid reflux. Big time chest pains, which, like you say, got me to the head of the line. Was not a fun night though, not at all!

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    2. Going in with your tongue swollen out of your mouth from taking Lisinopril will get you jumped to the front of the line, too. Just like in those ER shows, with 5 doctors, a handful of nurses, in a huge 'crash' room with interns and extras (swear I saw a camera crew or two also) hanging around the outside getting in the way.

      Nothing like watching one team of doctors get ready to intubate while another gets ready to do a thoracotomy while another is pumping Epinephrin and liquid Benadryl in quicker than a Formula 1 fuel pump at peak speed.

      Gee, thanks to Mrs. Andrew I have gotten to see the most interesting things.

      And the chest pain thingy doesn't always hold true. Mrs. Andrew went in with chest pains, shortness of breath, turning green, the whole nine yards. Somehow we pissed off the 'nurse' at admitting, because we didn't get seen. I, every 15 minutes, kept asking when and reporting her rapidly worsening symptoms (I know, what could be worse than shallow breathing, random pulses, extreme chest pains, sweating, inability to focus on anything else except the PAIN?) 6 hours later she's still in the waiting room, doing that thousand mile stare as she's now seeing the pearly gates open for her, and the Chief Nurse of ER person came through the doors of the ER on her way to the snack machine, glanced at my wife, and disappeared in a flash of light. 15 seconds later, another flash of light caused by the ER doors opening at Mach 7, and here's the CHoERp and a flock of lesser nurses with a gurney and poof, wife disappears into ER with me trying to follow. Gee, seems her liver was dying from a backed up, infected gall bladder and the toxins were affecting her heart and other organs. Only took 5 days of serious drugs attacking all the infections before they could operate on her gall bladder.

      So far the only times I've been to an ER since childhood was where my helm cut my eyebrow during a fight (seriously, I coulda washed it out and used a butterfly, but the panicking powers that be made me go to the local ER, even though they didn't know where it was. I tricked the PTB and snuck in a shower, as I had been fighting for 4 hours and was covered in every grime imaginable.) And the fabulous time I stuck a knife through my left pinky while trying to split frozen 'bubba burgers' (yes, a real thing, premade burgers, seriously) and after carefully stitching the one side they pronounced me done. I held up my bleeding, dripping hand and asked them "What about the other side, Sherlock? I said I stuck a knife through my finger, that normally means all the way through, Slick." I have noticed that I become sarcastic and acerbic around stupidity. Hmmm, serious character flaw there. I don't think I'll work on that.

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    3. Character flaw? I'd call that a feature.

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    4. Yeah, I'm not big with stupidity either. I deal with teachers...if you get my drift.

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  15. Our best wishes for a quick and speedy and painless as possible recovery. I got tagged like that by a pickup truck in a compound cascading crash at a stoplight on my way to my first HOA meeting. I was too angry to feel pain and the truck ramming me pushed me and my car into a van filled with what turned out to be a family of 14 Indians (dot not feather).

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    1. Thanks Cap'n. I shall pass that along.

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  16. I am pleased that your Good Lady Wife is OK, and the car can be fixed.

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    1. Ditto what Scott said. As for your response to the Lush's question, I had a good laugh at that one. She might call you an idiot, but I'll call you an accomplished comedian.

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  17. Hope all mends well with your lady and the auto, oh and the IT stuff too. I'm not sure you can be fixed, but it's ok, we like you anyway...

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Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)