Your Wednesday Gallimaufry*

Sailors man the rails of the aircraft carrier USS Gerald R. Ford (CVN 78) during its commissioning ceremony at Naval Station Norfolk, Virginia, July 22, 2017.
Ford is the lead ship of the Ford-class aircraft carriers, and the first new US aircraft carrier designed in 40 years.
US Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Julio Martinez Martinez

While casting about for a topic, I was looking at photographs of ships, haze gray ships of course. I ran across a poster (here) of all the ships in the Navy, those in commission and those planned, and I saw an article about the recently (July 2017) commissioned USS Gerald R. Ford.

Before some of you lose your minds, the latest Navy Style guide (Version 17-4, dated March 22, 2017) has this to say regarding ship names...

ship names - For first reference always include USS, the ship's name and the hull number: USS Harry S. Truman (CVN 75).

• There is no hyphen in the hull number. On second reference, use only the ship's name or reference as “the ship”. Do not use "the" in front of a ship's name: "USS San Jose," not "the USS San Jose." Use ‘the” before the ship type: “the aircraft carrier USS George H.W. Bush (CVN 77).
• Exceptions: Do not use "USS" for ships before 1909, or if it is not yet in commission, or has been decommissioned and you are referring to the ship in its present state.

Ships' nicknames – Do not use.  Correct example: “The aircraft carrier USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69) is underway. Dwight D. Eisenhower will deploy to the U.S. 5th Fleet.” Use only official names of ships, aircraft or people.

Ship names are not in all caps. USS Seattle, not USS SEATTLE.

So "USS Gerald R. Ford" is correct. Just wanted to put that out there.

Ahem, the headline which caught my eye was this -

The Navy's newest, most sophisticated aircraft carrier doesn't have urinals
(Source)

Alrighty then...

Which will no doubt lead to the age old "put the seat down when you're done" controversies experienced in many (most?) households where there is a mix of males and females. At Chez Sarge the standing order is that all toilet seats and lids will be secured in the closed position while not actually in use.

As I recall in my trips to sea aboard fighting ships of the Navy, there were no lids on the commodes in the men's head aboard either USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69) or USS Ronald Reagan (CVN 76), just seats.

But enough of that.

Yesterday faithful reader and sometime commenter Finicky Fat Guy (DLM) mentioned the necessity of doffing one's chapeau (cover for you Navy/Marine types, hat for you gravel agitators and zoomies, said with affection, of course) for the National Anthem, to which I responded -

Actually I don't take my hat off for the National Anthem. Before y'all start yelling for a rope, bear with me. As retired military, I prefer to render a salute for the Anthem, which Congress apparently made "legal" some years ago (so a retired Army Major of my acquaintance assured me some years ago). I just prefer to be at attention and render military honors, it's what I am.

Which spurred me to actually go look that up. Lo and behold, my high school buddy (and retired Army Major) was correct. Congress did pass a law to that effect, and here it is -

So that tid-bit is confirmed but I do have a question for the lawyers out there, what happens (in theory) if folks don't do what is laid out above? Misdemeanor? Felony? Nothing? I guess what I'm really asking is - is this a law or a guideline?

Anyhoo.

When The Nuke and I attended the sporting contest between the Broncos of Denver and the Redskins of Washington on the 24th of December in the Year of Our Lord Twenty and Seventeen, we arrived late for the opening festivities. The National Anthem was playing as we were proceeding through the bowels of FedEx Field heading for our seats. So we stopped and faced the music, as was right and proper. However, as the music was almost over neither or us reacted in time to salute or remove our "headdress." Just as I thought to render a salute (bear in mind, at this point we looked like two rocks in the middle of a raging stream), the music ended.

So we proceeded to our seats, perhaps somewhat chagrined at not having reacted in time but proud that we had at least acknowledged the playing of the National Anthem while the mob surged around us. Said mob being oblivious to, and perhaps uncaring of, the playing of "The Star Spangled Banner."

No, I don't know if anyone at the game "took a knee" during the playing of said music, we weren't there, as noted above. I also discovered that The Nuke and I actually made it on TV during the game, a co-worker of hers who was watching at home said so. He's a rather decent chap, a retired Navy captain who, once upon a time, commanded the nuclear attack submarine USS Houston (SSN 713). (As she was decommissioned back in 2016 she is now just "Houston," but as I was referring to the boat as she was, not as she is now, then USS Houston is correct.)

As he is (was) an officer and a gentleman in the Naval Services, I took him at his word. Later I found actual evidence confirming this. Here we are, at the stadium, enjoying the contest -

YouTube Screen Capture

(Clicky-clicky to embiggen, but we're still tiny. How do I know it's us? Well, I recognized one of the kids to our right front, one was wearing a Broncos jersey, #25, the other a dark green jacket. I also knew where out seats were. While you really can't tell, that's Your Humble Scribe and Number 1 Daughter, that is, The Nuke.)

Now, hearken back before the picture, why did I call USS Houston a boat, you might be asking. Well, there is this school of thought -

According (to) the U.S. Naval Institute, a boat, generally speaking, is small enough to be carried aboard a larger vessel, and a vessel large enough to carry a smaller one is a ship. Or, as Steve says his Navy Lieutenant father put it to him, “You can put a boat on a ship, but you can’t put a ship on a boat.”

...

The U.S. Navy seems to want to have it both ways with their submarines. One component of each vessel’s official name is USS—that is, United States Ship—but seamen, the Naval Institute says, usually refer to submarines in general as boats, regardless of size. (Source)

So yeah, there is that. If it's haze gray (which most U.S. Navy surface vessels are) then it's a ship. If it's black, then it's a submarine and is called a boat. (Though technically a submarine really is a ship, ours are pretty big, but traditionally they have always been called "boats" in the U.S. Navy.)

One last thing. An aircraft carrier is a massive vessel, the Nimitz-class carriers displace well over 100,000 tons, are over 1,000 feet long and are a tad over 250 feet wide. They have a crew of 3,200 to operate the ship (ship's company) and 2,800 people who operate and maintain the 85 to 90 aircraft (fixed wing and helicopter) which the ship can carry. Those latter folks are the air wing. Not part of ship's company. Keep that in mind.

These massive vessels are really cities at sea. They produce their own water and can stay at sea for months, replenishing supplies while underway.

The fast combat support ship USNS Arctic (T-AOE 8) conducts an underway replenishment
with the Nimitz-class aircraft carrier USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN 69).
U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 2nd Class Miguel Angel Contreras 

The ship on the left is big, the ship on the right is HUGE.

So why do I bring this up? Well, simply put, the folks in the embarked air wing (especially the flight crews) call their carrier "The Boat." Not "a boat," but "The Boat." And no, the folks in ship's company do not like that. Just ask them.

Now of course, The Nuke served on carriers, she gets mighty riled if you call a carrier a boat, even if it's meant affectionately. Of course, her sister, The WSO, and her brother-in-law, Big Time, call their carrier, The Boat. Especially if The Nuke is around.

Ah, family.

Hey! Who left the toilet seat up?

* a confused jumble or medley of things