Sunday, May 1, 2016

Sick and Tired of Being Tired and Sick


I played hooky from work on Friday.  Well, I guess it's not technically hooky when you're sick.  And I was REALLY sick.  A naaaaasty stomach bug ran through the whole house- the Minnow earlier in the week, then the Teenangster on Thursday, and the wife and me on Friday.  I got it the worst- splitting headache, sore throat, stomach cramps, chills, aches, cold sweats, and two other parts of my body trying to turn themselves inside out- The Full Meal Deal, although I didn't get to keep the meal.  It came on late Thursday night just as I was heading to bed.  Just cramps and a headache though at first, which made for a terrible night's sleep.



My mom, a lifelong nurse, admonished us kids to always be a good patients and treat nurses with the utmost respect.  So despite my feeling like death, I was determined to care for myself and avoid the "woe is me" card that I could have played.  Actually, I couldn't have played it at all since my wife was just as sick as I was, so there was no sympathy to be found.



I actually felt better after I lost my dinner around 5 AM- in epic fashion if you ask me- loud, violent, and with extreme prejudice. Fortunately I was able to keep my eyeballs in my head, but it was touch and go there for a minute or two.  I think I strained a retinal nerve.  The doc said the prolapsed esophagus should heal up on it's own in a day or two.

After that, I was exhausted and decided to lay back down to catch up on some of the sleep I missed from the night before.  But nooooo, apparently the stomach cramps wouldn't have any of it.  Once I went more than 45 degrees nose low, the rudder shaker kicked in and waves of pain buffeted the fuselage.   In past bouts with cramps I had been a little dehydrated so I took the tiniest of sips to see how it would sit in my stomach.  No problem.  Time to step it up.  Unfortunately I followed the sip up with a rather large gulp.  Fortunately I was already in the bathroom.  I held my hand over the troubled eye socket just in case.

I had a sore throat the entire day.  It was quite apparent as I could feel the scratchy soreness that couldn't be soothed.  Apparently I needed a reminder though because I had to swallow every five seconds just to see if it still hurt.


Whatever it was- the flu or some sort of norovirus-zika-malaria-ebola plague combo, it seemed to have settled down later that evening.  But after the pain and nausea tapered off, I didn't really feel all that good.  I'm not sure if I got better, or if I just got used to being sick.


Earlier in the day I texted my boss to let him know I wouldn't be in.  I really hate calling in sick, especially on a Friday.  It just doesn't have good "optics."  He make a joke about me just wanting a three-day weekend.  I cringed when I read that because there's a grain of truth in every joke.  Not on my part, but he's thinking that I might be goldbricking.  Nothing to be done about that of course, other than to play up just how sick I was when I go back in on Monday.


I used to never get sick.  I was like some sort of Immuno-Ironman.  Somebody with tuberculosis could cough in my face and I'd shake that off like it was nothing.  Now, if a kid with a cold sneezes two doors down, I'm practically needing a heart-lung transplant.  I've been out sick 3 times in the past year, after never using a single sick day in the 5 years before.  A side effect of getting older I suppose.  
Now that's its over, I feel like I've lost a day.  I tried to Netflix and Chill as the cool kids say, catching up on House of Cards, but between the cramps and bathroom sprints, I just couldn't pay attention, and I kept dozing off anyway.  I got absolutely nothing done, but there's always tomorrow.

It wasn't a whole lot better the next morning as things were still a bit "fluid," but the main issues were resolved- amazing how coffee can be such a healing elixir.  I realized that for the first time in probably 15 years that I had gone a day without a cup of coffee.  I didn't eat anything either, other than some crackers.  Maybe there's a bright side- I might have lost some weight.  I once ran into a co-worker who I realized I hadn't seen in a while.  We didn't know each other well, and he was much thinner than the last time I had seen him.  I asked if he had lost weight and he said he had...because of the chemo.  Talk about awkward.  Nevertheless, he looked great.

I wonder if some enterprising doctor could come up with a new weight-loss scheme.  "Hey doc, my high school reunion is coming up.  I was hoping you could prescribe me two weeks of dysentery." Need just a touch up?  How about a week of Hep C?  Ok, I realize I have a sick mind, but it's a side-effect of the pandemic running through my family.

Drugs and Booze- my kind of cure!                                    Motherjones.com
By late afternoon I was essentially back to normal. My wife opted to try the old standby- rest and fluids.  Me?  I powered through, tackling some of those chores I had put off.

Now I just need to call the CDC and a NEST team to come in and decontaminate my bathroom.



*ALL STOP, ENGINES BACK FULL.  Apparently Netflix and Chill is a euphemism for sex.  No, I just wanted to watch some TV and relax.  Damn you cool kids- does everything have to be about sex?! 

18 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. PMC late Sunday. FCF in the AM.

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  2. My wife got that. I spent 4 nights on the couch. Managed to dodge it with my normal routine: Wash your hands, don't pick boogers, keep you finger outta your eyes, use hand sanitizer. And for the love of Pete, don't use the EBOLA pen at the restaurant, bring your own.

    I got a bad sandwich on the road once. It escaped with that same M.O... loud, painful, and extreme predjudice. I actually think my body tries to force it through my nose.

    I never text the boss, he gets to hear my death-warmed-over voice. And the splashing, gurgling gut rumbles if I can time it right. I want him on my side, not wondering if I'm kicking back. He gets to suffer a bit, too.

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  3. Lord have mercy, Sarge! I hope you re-coop soon. Your posts are part of my continuing education and would be sorely missed. That last picture has me thinking that Jager may have been the inspiration for some pharma guy to create Nyquil. An Army buddy who had served in W. Germany (that's what it was called then for the young readers) introduced me to Jagermeisster. Have NOT been compelled to try it again. 56 herbs. 100% unexpected.

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    1. I'm okay Bayouwulf, it was Tuna, my co-blogger who was ill. Now of course, I suffered through something very much like that...

      But wait, this is Tuna's story today. I'll tell mine another time. :)

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    2. Then I will pay more attention to the post author next time. It's a sub-level symptom of dyslexia. (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it) Glad you are ok. But seriously, I learn so much from yall'.

      Tuna, forgive the error of my ways. I hope YOU have a full recovery.

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    3. Thanks, but just to be clear, Jager wasn't involved in my recuperation. I'm getting to old for that stuff healthy or not.

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  4. Tuna are tough, the only things that will stop a tuna are Makos and Whites.

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    1. I dunno Scott, two slices of white bread and some mayo are pretty deadly to tuna as well.

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    2. I prefer it raw over rice with wasabi and soy sauce.

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  5. Sounds like you had a rough time Tuna. I'd feel bad for you but it did give me a day off from posting.

    So I've got that going for me.

    Seriously, hope you feel better, The Chant has a horrible medical plan.

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    1. So....Obamacare then?? Or something not quite that bad, like nothing at all?

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    2. Um, yes. The latter, nothing at all beats that other thing.

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  6. Tuna, you have my condolences. I can identify with stomach cramps et al. Since my surgery to have part of the esophagus removed I've contended with a syndrome that empties my body of all things fluid, via explosive decompression, if I ingest sugars. After more than a decade of dealing with said syndrome, I'm pretty good at avoiding what triggers the effect. There are times when I fail, however, and when this occurs on the road it make for some interesting travel tales: "There I was . . ." But you know all that already, I'd bet.

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  7. Glad you got over it quickly...

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    Replies
    1. Enough to get mobile, but no appetite yet. At least the coffee is staying down!

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  8. I always felt guilty calling in sick, even if I was. Now that I work from home, the only one I have to fool is me!

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  9. Two weeks ago today, I called in sick - the first time this school year. I thought I had a tummy virus. By Monday afternoon, I felt so bad, I went to the doctor. He wasn't much help, but said that if I were not better to come back in - yada, yada. Tuesday morning I was much worse, so my husband took me back to the doc. Fortunately, the doc was out too. They sent me to the emergency room since there was no one to see me. Several hours later I was in surgery for appendicitis. My appendix had ruptured - had to stay in the hospital longer. Things are so much better now. And my weight is down!

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