Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Ceremony of the First Mowing


It was quite a weekend here at Chez Sarge, for it was the weekend of the "Ceremony of the First Mowing". Or, as it is called in Japan...
Saisho no kusakari no shikiten

That's right, it was time to get out the old lawn mower and cut the grass!

Excitement was at a fever pitch!

There were the usual ceremonies...

The Traditional Blessing of the Mower
芝刈り機の祝福 (Shibakariki no shukufuku)
Of course, the usual military parade was held on the main route through the estate...

France called, they would like their Garde Républicaine back in time for Bastille Day.
And no First Mowing is complete without the traditional flyby!

Not sure if they can get lower.

Well, I know that's a whole lot of folderol and silliness just to indicate that I cut my grass for the first time this weekend. I may have mentioned before just how much I don't like to mow the lawn. So each year I have to come up with something to motivate myself to do so.

So this year it's a faux Shinto ceremony with military parades and flybys.

Not sure what I'll do next year, those this idea tickles my fancy -


Somehow I get the feeling that The Missus Herself might veto this. I mean sure, the flamethrower tank itself would make a big dent in the household budget. Not to mention the probably prohibitive cost of the fuel for this beasty. I'm also not real sure of my ability to burn the grass down to the proper height without, you know, charring it too badly. Not to mention the deleterious effect a poorly controlled flamethrower might have on the many flower beds, topiary trees, bushes and decorative shrubs which lie adjacent to the green stuff which requires cutting.

Hhmm, the house is rather close to the lawn too. In fact, right in the middle of the whole green expanse. I'll betcha the insurance folks would not like the flamethrower tank as lawn mower at all. Not even a little bit!

But wouldn't that be cool?

26 comments:

  1. Sarge,
    You're doing it all wrong! You just need a lawnmower. I'd let you borrow mine, but it might take me a while to get it to your place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps I could tow it to Little Rhody behind my flamethrower tank?

      When we first bought the place I told The Missus Herself that the lawn was big enough that I needed a riding mower.

      She assured me that I did not as she would be putting in many gardens, flower beds and other obstacles to straight-line grass cutting.

      She did. Now it's kind of like an obstacle course with no vertical obstacles but lots of weaving required. I almost said "all while pushing a lawnmower", but it truth, the lawnmower is self-propelled. So it pulls me around, sort of.

      Delete
    2. And I do like the looks of your "lawnmower." (I really could have used that post hole driller some time back. We did it the old fashioned way!)

      Delete
  2. I could use one of those tanks.
    First off, I would take care of the yard next door.
    Then, I would just park it in front.
    Just the sight of it alone would cause drivers to slow down to a reasonable speed for a residential neighborhood.


    ...at least for awhile.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There you go Skip, two uses for the same tool.

      Delete
    2. I just thought of another use.
      I shall refrain from announcing it publicly ...or anywhere else it might be monitored.
      Use your imagination.

      Delete
    3. Imagination I have in abundance.

      It's flamethrower tanks I lack...

      Delete
  3. I agreed (not in a nice way) to move to a RETIREMENT village for a reason. I envisioned Joe having so many things he did not have to do. He spent an entire day in 90+ sunshine, power washing the patio, pool concrete surround, pool screen, hauling patio furniture into the yard then back again, then CLIMBING to the roof so he could hand wash the aluminum gutters.

    I had my jobs too: pressing 9-1-1 every time I heard a "crash" outside. Luckily it was never HIM.

    The neighbors, as they casually stroll by in the evening, remark how pristine our house looks AS IF it's done by midnight fairies. I want to tell them "If you put 1/5 the work into your house that Joe does to this one.............." But he shoots me "THE LOOK" and I keep quiet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's not a retirement village Joy. That's a work camp for seniors!

      (Doesn't it amaze you how some people think all that work does itself?)

      Delete
  4. IATAT, me too.

    (In Answer To All That)

    I stepped badly in the same damn chipmunk hole twice.

    There was no band but the Sacred Band and they were the halt, the sick and the lame.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The chipmunks in your domain are obviously in a state of rebellion against your benevolent rule.

      Crush them without mercy.

      Benevolently, of course...

      Delete
  5. I think the last time I mowed a lawn MIGHT have been in 1995, before I moved outta Dee-troit. I had a lawn after I moved to Noo Yawk but I also had a lawn service. Sitting on the deck and drinking beer while the lawn boys went about their bid'niz was hard work but someone had to do it; oftentimes The Second Mrs. Pennington would assist me with this. Next year is our 20th anniversary of Independence From Yard Work so I guess I'll have to figger out some sort of celebration. You've given me ideers, so excuse me while I go place a call to the Garde Républicaine to check their availability for April of next year. We'll have fireworks, too!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now I'll have to hire a different unit for the parade next year...

      Also, those horses crapped everywhere, just so you know.

      Delete
    2. Where horses go, flowers grow.

      [sorry - couldn't resist]

      Delete
  6. Ok, Think I'm going to throw the BS flag on the Flanker. Been staring at it all day, saying no way, got to be PShopped. He's have to be doing at least 400-450 to have adequate control, which would mean the engines would be putting out some heat distortion. He'd also have to have some AOA on the aircraft, not a level fuselage. Also, unless the photographer was using some extremely fast photography, either the flanker or the background would have been blurred. I think someone got a picture of a flanker taxiing out to the runway and PShopped the landing gear away. I could be wrong, but....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't argue with you.

      (Bastards! I pay them for a flyby and I get this. A Photoshop job. Damn!)

      Delete
  7. Good stuff. Very funny, and I can relate to the lawn mowing chore. It was my chore from age 8 to 62. The townhouse association takes care of it today. I only mind when they choose 7:00 on a Saturday to do it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. 0700 on a Saturday is not lawn mowing time.

      I had a neighbor who used to do that. Used to...

      Delete
  8. What if you and your neighbors all went in on the flame thrower together? Sorta like in my neighborhood where we go in on an aerator rental every year? That would 1. cut down on the cost. 2. result in a nice uniform charred look all through the neighborhood. and 3. Give you an excuse to bond with your neighbors. Use it as a very cool method for broiling hot dogs in what will no-doubt be the best block party of the year.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like the way you think Bill.

      Sounds very, ya know, NATO. And I mean that in a good way!

      (Nice to "see" you around here. For all you others, Bill is an old buddy from GK. Another Old AF Sarge as a matter of fact. We are legion...)

      Delete
  9. You actually have grass? Wow, what's that like??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh, it's that green stuff which appears after all of the snow melts.

      Sometimes.

      Delete

Just be polite... that's all I ask. (For Buck)