Learned a couple of Life Lessons this past week. Unfortunately, they're not "Good" lessons. Good in "Hey, I won a bazillion dollars!" sense. So, no, not that type lesson.
As most of you Readers are aware, my Sister passed away almost exactly 3 months ago. She had lived in our old house on our property for a few years. We'd had a hail storm a week or so before and her roof had been damaged. We'd scheduled a roofer to fix it. That morning, he called to say he was on his way. I let Lisa know and she asked if he'd need to come in the house because she wasn't feeling well and was going to lay down and take a nap. That was all via text. I didn't think anything of it. Until I got the call from her roommate that afternoon saying that she had died.
Well...scheiße!
When we started doing the required "Things" after that, we did a very serious look through the house to try and find a will or other instructions. Nada.
So, I called our lawyer to see what we needed to do. Folks, the process is called "Intestate". She also advised me that the process "could take a while".
Nothing has happened yet. The county lawyer appointed to the job is supposed to contact witnesses who knew Lisa and find out about any people that might be entitled to her assets. We provided her a list of potential people that met the requirements quite a while ago. Like almost 3 months.
None of the folks on her list have been contacted yet.
Frustrated, I emailed our lawyer last week and asked what the ramification would be if I just said "To hell with it, I quit!.
Almost immediately after I hit send, I got a call from our lawyer. She apologized and said that when she said "could take a while" she meant that the process has been known to take up to a year!
Well...scheiße!
So, my advice to all y'all is "If you truly hate your family with your whole person, don't take out a will. Not having one will make their lives truly a living hell."
I was talking to my Brother a while ago after her death. He asked me how things were going. I explained all the above to him. He got real quiet. At that point, I think Lisa put a thought in my brain. I asked him if he had a will.
"No, I didn't want to think about it."
I may have used some strong language in addition to the "Get a Will" statement.
He called back a week later saying he'd had one written, signed and filed.
So...If you haven't got a will (or a trust) get one!
 |
| Mrs. J, Lisa and LJW in happier times |
On to the next subject.
I've written several posts about vacations we have taken, literally around the world. Pictures are required of course. Many of those included these folks.
Yep, those are our winemaker friends, Gary and Kathy. Lately, Mrs. J has been working very hard on setting up an Australia & New Zealand cruise for next year. The Kids, Grand kids (including, expected next month, Grandson #1) as well as Gary and Kathy all had ponied up the down payments. Excitement was mounting.
Then a couple of weeks ago, we got this email.
Initial prognosis wasn't good but Doctors said he could expect to live for 6 months or so.
He passed away Wednesday morning.
Well... scheiße!
Suffice it to say I'm having a very hard time staying positive right now. Projects in the wood shop help, so I've been busy.
And to end on a high note, the Pixlar triangle I mentioned last week is complete. We've scheduled another work visit to College Station week after next. Delivering it will be fun.
On a similar note, Miss B received a chair that can be attached to the table. She can now be part of the discussion.
After a slow (very early) start, she's progressing nicely and her personality is a hoot! Now if we can just get Dad, Mom and Daughter together in the same part of the world...Well, things will be better.
Life's short. Live it while you can!
Peace out y'all.
Yah, life is short, you don't know how much sand is in the hourglass. Enjoy those you love as much as you can, the Pixlar looks good.
ReplyDeleteNylon,
DeleteI'm not sure that knowing how much sand...would be a blessing or a curse. Never really worried about it before, now it kinda weighs on the mind. Think I'll go play with my grandkids a bit til this blows over.
juvat
But these are the days of our lives.
DeleteAnd the hits keep on hitting. Yeeehaw. I knew Life was going to be an E-Ticket ride, but didn't realize the ride was going to be maintained by people who couldn't be hired by even the shadiest of carnivals.
ReplyDeleteSo, yeah, know how you feel.
Remember, what doesn't kill you just leaves you weaker for the next what doesn't kill you...
On the other hand, good news about the little one. And that climbing thingy looks rather rad, dude.
Good luck with the whole thingymabob. Hang in there.
Beans,
DeleteThanks. Yeah, it would've better if the hits had been a little wider spaced, but 'tis what it 'tis!
juvat
My mother's mother died of that cancer, it is truly nasty. She was misdiagnosed and her concerns dismissed until it was untreatable, bad way to go. My sympathy to all of those concerned.
ReplyDeleteAnon,
DeleteThanks, I've heard quite a few bad things about that disease. Please Lord....
juvat
RIP Gary.
ReplyDeleteMiss B has a fighter pilot look about her, it looks good on her!
That climbing board is awesome.
Keep on keepin' on, juvat. You got this.
Thanks Sarge. Both Granddaughters have similar (but different) personalities. They're a joy to have around.
DeleteKeep on keepin' on...Aye Cap'n!
juvat
-Your post's title. I hear ya. Intestate takes a while and is frustrating. Youngest son died intestate June 2022 and we cleared the last (legal) hurdle in August of 2023; fourteen months. Be patient and keep pushing and don't let the bureaucracy get you down ("I'm sorry, you have these papers but you are missing this other document which is required. And you're also in the wrong office and location. You need to go to the other office on the other side of San Antonio."). You might want to keep a bottle of good wine handy for upcoming days like the one I described. (To drink. Not to bonk the clerk on top of the head with the bottle.)
ReplyDelete-Death. "Live each day as if it is your last" is such a true statement. Losing family, friends, and acquaintances seemingly at random knowing that one can be next...
-Glad you ended on a high note. The young are the future and she is one cute little lady!
-Know that I and others are wishing you the best.
-Barry
Barry,
DeleteI can appreciate your frustration. Wine, Aye and maybe a wee dram of Scotch. (That way I've got the wine bottle available if needed.)
Thanks,
juvat
Juvat, shortly after we visited at the Post Office and you commented on the diagnosis of your friend, we received notice from a neighbor that he's been diagnosed with a similar pancreas issue with a very similar diagnosis. Up until recently I'd heard of very few diagnoses involving that organ. Not sure if more issues are popping up with the pancreas or if the technology has progressed to diagnose those issues more easily.
ReplyDeleteEncouraging to see Miss B's progress in now being able to sit at the table like the grown folks. She's come a long way since she appeared on the scene.
In our personal situation, things are looking up as the Mrs. returns mid-week from a two week trip to visit family in Germany. Major clean up, put up will be taking place to cover up my slovenly housekeeping. Thankfully the dog doesn't tell tales of he didn't do that, or that,......
Cletus
Cletus,
DeleteYou met him at Lisa's celebration of life. Got pictures of the two of you chatting. You two have very similar personalities and I' m happy to call you friends.
Glad the wife is RTB'ing and hope she had a good time. I heartily understand the term "Major Clean Up". Good Luck.
juvat
Juvat, the only experience I have had with post-death experiences are with those that had wills or trusts. This sounds peculiarly set up to frustrate everyone. Completely sorry you are having to have the loss of your sister compounded by this. Are you at least able to make repairs to the house and so on?
ReplyDeleteRequiscat in Pace, Gary. Pancreatic Cancer is one of the most lethal cancers as I recall, with something like 5% survival rate. Part of the reason it is so deadly is that there are no specific signs, so by the time it is caught it is already at Stage IV. As with your friend, 6 months is the outside for the diagnosis but the few I have known with it pass away much sooner.
Happy to see Miss B at the table and the rock climbing wall (that is fancy) look great!
THBB,
DeleteYeah we can fix up the house. We're going to move all her "stuff" into the master bedroom were it will all fit. (MB is huge, we're going to turn it into two bedrooms). Since we're intestate, I have no idea about her bank status and am not real interested in incurring any expenses that may not be reimbursed, so I've ruled out a storage locker. I've just got to get off my dead donkey (you know what I really meant to say there) and get started. The journey of a million miles...yada, yada.
Thanks,
juvat
'Bout three months before my Dad found two inexplicable lumps on the side of his neck, he'd gone in to see his GP (new) for a biennial exam; the physician told him to cut down on his drinking: his blood sugar was very high; he prescribed insulin. My Dad never drank; he'd made a complete fool of himself one time as a teenageer in Czechoslovakia and never drank after that. A very skinny guy, the only carbs he ever ate was a couple of slices of rye bread. I wonder if the blood sugar was a sign that something was amiss with his pancreas. Died six months after he found the lumps.
DeleteBoron,
DeleteSorry to hear that. We can't forget that Medical Folks are human and can make mistakes, but that's the reason there's the term "Second Opinion". Wish thing's had worked out better for your Dad.
juvat
Yes, elevated BS is a sign of illness in the body. It's one of those things that docs don't tell their diabetic patients, so the patients end up worrying themselves to death about food when they should be getting diagnosed for something most deadly.
DeleteSeen it with Mrs. Andrew with 3 types of very deadly cancer (all caught early because we found out due to bouts of pneumonia and flu that sickness elevates BS.)
If you're eating normally, and your BS is elevated, something else is spiking it. Stress, the bad kind, and illnesses all will spike and keep sugars elevated. So will some meds.
It's a crappy game of 'Guess what's wrong now!'
Beans,
DeleteMy Doc actually told me that.
As to stress spiking Blood Sugar (BS is a reserved acronym in my vocabulary dealing with Bulls), I've noticed a bit of that lately. Thanks for the reminder.
juvat
Not just make a will and file it, but give copies to half a dozen people, maybe even including your pastor (or whoever your spiritual guide is).
ReplyDeleteJoe,
DeleteGood point!
juvat
I'm glad this ended on a higher note. Your beautiful granddaughter's smile is always a positive. Thanks be to God.
ReplyDeleteTuna,
DeleteMe also. Both Granddaughters are sweeties and smart as whips. Thanks be to God, indeed!
juvat
We put together a letter to our niece. It lists insurance policies, IRA information and bank accounts. There was also included combinations to safes, and garage doors, where the spare house keys are kept, title to vehicles and the information to the preplanned and paid for funerals. She and my brother have copies of our will and living will requests. I think it took about a year to clear my parents probate and a year and a half for my inlaws. Not a fun thing to deal with but I hope to make as easy as possible for The Kid.
ReplyDeleteGerry,
DeleteAll those are great ideas. One of the things this debacle did for us is to remind us to check "Things". We think we've got all the "Things" done, but a review of what, who and where "Things" are or are going to is a good idea. Thanks for the prod.
juvat
Also passwords to your computer and insurance, medical, and financial sites. A list of what bills come due when.
DeleteDon,
DeleteGood point(s). Added to the list.
juvat
You might want to consider a visit to Florida wineries some time:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.google.com/maps/@28.4881013,-81.1186638,10z?entry=ttu
And hit KSC and Cape Canaveral Space Force Station whilst you are down here!
MM,
DeleteI'm always up for tasting wines. As I used to say to customers when we had our wine store and tour company, Good wine and Bad wine are made all over the United States " (all over the world now). Might have to take your advice. Thanks
juvat
I hope you’ll call or write! (Fuzz, D4)
DeleteAnd hopefully, if you go, you'll be able to see SpaceX bring a barge of Falcon9 in at the Port. Watching ships from the jetty at Port Canaveral is a great way (as long as it's not friggin hot) to have a quiet time. Went one time to the campground there just in time for a NATO joint exercise and got to tour a bunch of other navies' ships (Spain still allows smoking on their ships, by the way. Bleh.)
Deletethesilicongreybeard can probably hook you up with where to check for a launch schedule, as there's nothing neater than watching big rockets fly (well, not neater than piloting fast jets, but, well, I've never done that.)
Of course, at some point Mr. Musk is going to want to launch a Starship from LC39 at KSC. THAT will be something significant.
DeleteThe C-5 of Rockets. Should be interesting.
Deletejuvat
Well, nuts!! Ya mean I have to adult and get all my crap organized?? Ugh!!
ReplyDeleteHowever, when Mom passed, it was a real relief to know where all the paperwork was, and who needed to be notified from a legal point of view...so ok, I will hurry up and do the adult thing...sigh...
I had another reminder today of things to think about that haven't been on the typical post-death to-do list...or not ones I have seen...share passwords to on-line accounts, including things like the book of face...twice in the past week, I got a friend request from my best friend's older brother...who passed away, suddenly, unexpectedly (see the trend here) about a month and a half ago...so add taking down the FB pages maybe should show up on a list someplace as well as all the other things Gerry pointed out. Not a computer literate person, don't know how stuff like that should be done, but am guessing it should happen.
I am betting that even without her nifty chair, Miss B was always part of the conversation. Now she is just closer to being able to reach out and grab things for herself instead of having to interrupt the conversation and ask to have things passed to her.
And, that is a VERY COOL looking Pixlar triangle!! You are obviously gunning for "The Best Grampa in the World" award!!
Cancer sucks. Pancreatic cancer really sucks!! Bottom line, if you are having digestive upset/belly pain/frequent "heartburn", don't just be satisfied to swallow down non-stop antacids forever, go see the doctor and get a work-up done. Maybe it is nothing, okay, fine---but maybe it isn't...That's why annual physical exams and routine bloodwork were invented. To help catch some of these horrible diseases before it's too late.
I am hoping that you are getting some more rain in the past week. And that the brutal heat the entire South has been under this summer is finally starting to break for y'all.
Suz
Suz,
DeleteLast first, we had a humdinger of a storm last night. Lost power, but the generator kicked in as expected, so no biggie. Had to reset a few breakers, but since the breaker box is outside and lightning was everywhere, I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and went to bed. 2.5 inches last night, Neighbor's stock pond, upstream from ours is nearly full. Nearly being the operative word as to why ours is not.
Thanks for laying out the warning signs, don't seem to have those problems, but very good to know to keep an eye out.
We did have a little lesson learned about Miss B sitting at the table. The staff at the restaurant uses a bleach water solution to sanitize the tables. There was a bit of residue left and Miss B got it on her face. Caused a bit of discomfort. Amazon is sending a package of disposable stick on place mats for LJW to stick in her baby back pack. Along with some wipes, should help avoid a repeat.
Thanks
juvat
"Lessons" can be REAL hard, thanks for passing along what you're learning.
ReplyDeleteThose chairs that mount on the table for the little ones are a great invention! Nice picture of Miss B :-)
Rob,
DeleteYes they can. The good(ish) news is they usually only take once to learn that particular lesson.
The change in MissB's attitude from being in a carrier on the bench to being in a chair at the table was WELL worth the investment.
juvat
Some of us were advised to make out a will when we entered the service - and did so.
ReplyDeleteHey, y' gotta a will? Yeah 'course! Made one out a couple years ago (only 'bout 50 or so).
Not a bad idea to make sure your will's up-to-date every few years. Yeah! I know; good lawyers aren't free.
And (just my own opinion - and I'm no lawyer or physician): for those of you who have a DNR or were talked (shamed by relatives or pastoral elements) into being organ donors (on your driver's license and/or other papers you may have signed), you may just want to rethink (or not) the situation at this latter stage of life.
Boron,
DeleteTo the best of my recollection, one of the mandatory events during in processing to pilot training was a trip to the JAG and getting a will. Didn't happen often, but it did happen. We lost a student while I was in training, and a few more in non-combat training accidents throughout my career. As I mentioned earlier, we've had wills and a trust for a long time, it's probably time for a review and refresh as needed.
juvat
I'm going to take a breath and thing of the good things.
ReplyDeleteOur experiences with my wife's parents made us wake up and get moving on our outdated paperwork.
Wills are just the tip of the paperwork iceberg. There's powers of attorney for both medical stuff and non medical stuff.
There's making sure that both of you are on any utility bills so the account passes easily to the survivor.
Our estate lawyer said that instead of listing every single item and who should get it when we died, we should just make a general listing in a letter.
We live in PA, other states may have other rules.
You don't have to eat the entire paperwork elephant at one sitting.
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend.
Keep in mind that as the young one grows older, the Pixlar device will eventually have to have a rappelling capability. (my hindbrain suggested that if it was a Pixar climbing device and female, it would have had a large base)
Glad to hear the generator worked in the emergency.
Cancer does suck and the minor discomfort of last week's colonoscopy exams were a small price to pay to find out that we are good.
Unfortunately, Scheiße geschieht! Sorry to hear about your friend and travel companion.
ReplyDeleteMiss B is looking great. She is getting to a "dangerous" age when she can reach out and grab stuff. We have seen that with our grandsons and are seeing that with our great nephews and nieces.
I got the talk about wills when I hit UPT. Got one but it was very simple. When I got married in 1980 and we arrived at "Beautiful Dyess by the Sea", my late ex-wife and I got wills written. With life changes they were rewritten. I was blessed that my parents had wills. My father passed in 12/2000 so my mother was covered. When my mother passed in 2014, life was eased by her having a will. The legal process was quick but having to take care of 84 years of life was more difficult.
Glad you have your wood shop to focus and find peace in.
Change the paperwork when your life changes, I knew a guy who died (when I was in the CG) and he forgot to change his govt life insurance after his divorce and remarry.
DeleteHis current wife with a baby under 1yo got nothing but told to move out of Government Quarters... his ex got the big check.
Rob,
DeleteOh! That would suck!
juvat
BillB,
DeleteIt was exactly the opposite in Mom and Dad's situation. Mom went first, so Dad took care of it. When Dad passed, to no surprise, everything was precisely laid out. So no problems, even when my youngest sister when a little bat feces crazy and started saying she wanted this and that and that and.....I, as the executor, just said no. I guess the situation with Lisa is just payback for the clear sailing with Dad.
Yeah, the wood shop does help quite a bit.
juvat
So many things to say, so much joy and sadness in one post. Thanks for continuing to keep us posted, us - this crazy digital bunch.
ReplyDeleteMiss B looks like she's ready to go. So many answers to prayer in that one picture. The climbing wall looks scary to me as an over protective Poppie. Now my precious grand daughter, Ava, is 16 years next month. Talk about worries!! Scriptures of course, have the answer -
Philippians 4:5-7: "The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I am sorry for the loss of your friend. His passing, and that of your sister's have worked together for good, however, in that we are all thinking about our responsibilities. More than ever. Wills, trusts and all of that. I just found out that NONE of our package from California is valid. So intestate I be. Thankfully I have a niece in Orlando who practices that kind of law. We're in the process of re-doing. Yaay!
Ever since I had my gall bladder out and the surgeon noticed I was in afib, everyone has been telling me about how much sand I have left in hourglass. So I guess I'm pre-flighting for the trip west here. I really don't think they're correct and I'm not letting them take my 8 year old Bacardi away! This may be an improper question for here, but, has anyone heard fro VX lately? Maybe I missed a post.
Anyway, praying for all on this list, and loving every minute of all the new friendships here. (Fuzz, D4)
Dave, Good to hear from you, man! Glad you're doing OK.
DeleteNothing "from California is valid". Dave, truer words have never been spoke in human existence.
I haven't heard from VX either, so can't help
juvat
Condolences to all concerned. Yet, Miss B gives hope.
ReplyDeleteI'm reminded that my arrangements need updating because life's arrangements change.
I'm reminded, constantly, that nothing is static except in our minds.
I'd comment further, but there is something new that can't wait.
Skip,
DeleteThanks, Miss B and her cousin MG really do bring a lot of joy into my life. Looking forward to Grandson #1. Spoil him? Well, maybe just a bit.
As to the Static in our Minds? I have noticed a lot of that lately. ;-)
juvat
Mom's was simple. Dad's ... Judge said "Five years, not the record, but a great attempt! I hope we're done." I'm so glad my little brother was his executor. It wasn't so much his will, as the number of accounts he had scattered all over the country he didn't list (growing up in the depression, he had zero trust in banks and less in stockbrokers.) Which meant every year, more money to distribute, and more amendments for each of us to previous tax filings.
ReplyDeleteHTom,
DeleteMrs J's sister had a similar issue, She passed last year in a fire. Fortunately , Mrs J is not the executor, our niece is. Mrs J got an email yesterday from her asking for help in getting things done. She promised advice and prayers, but we're a little bit overtaxed at this point to actually take on any tasks.
juvat
Thanks for the kick-in-the-butt about wills, juvat. My Sweet Little Wife has been bugging me to make one up. And after this last medical scare, I'm looking at the various types of forms to make one up.
ReplyDeleteDr Jim,
DeleteYou don't need one til you need one, then you need it bad! And...it may be too late. Please "Git 'er Done!"
juvat
I know you and I got the same brief about wills, and regular updates while we were 'doing our thing'... I updated mine last year. So sorry to hear about your friend. May he rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteOld NFO,
DeleteThanks, Soon as things settle a little around her, Mrs. J are going to do a thorough review, just because.
juvat
You don't really know a sibling until you have been through an estate process. My sibling is a gem. We have been through it twice. Fortunately, there was both a living will and a will. X2 squared on having a will. It may well be the kindest thing you will ever do for those you love.
ReplyDeleteWSF,
DeleteYeah, a death in the family can really reveal true colors...unfortunately. It'll be interesting (depressing really) to see how this one turns out.
juvat